And I Was Insane To Begin With
by Infernal Blossom
Summary: All I wanted was watch Bleach in the middle of the night, and look what happened: a Hollow pops out of my TV and attacks me; I'm being mistaken for an evil bastard's sister; people either want to use or kill me; and nothing's making sense anymore! Worst of all, everyone blames me for all this calamity! How did this end up happening to ME? Chap 33 out now. Read & Review!
1. Fred Is Hungry

**Author's Note:**_** Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. I belong to...well, me. See my profile for my mentioned OCs xD_

_Infernal Blossom here. Well, here's my third Bleach story. And I've chosen to write this one in first person point-of-view, seeing as how I'm the main character._

_Oh, yeah. Updates for my other three stories will be coming up very shortly, so stay tuned!_

_Now sit back, relax and enjoy the story. X3_

_~Infernal Blossom_

I still didn't fully understand exactly what was going on. I mean, just a while ago, I was safe in my room and about to fall asleep. And then, SOMEHOW, I ended up here – with a sword at my neck, a girl assuming I was the enemy and an evil bastard trying to use me! How in the hell does that happen to someone who doesn't even know what's going on herself?

I know what you're thinking right now – What the hell is this insane girl blabbering about? And who is she, anyway? Alright. Before I start rambling, let me introduce myself and attempt to tell you what's going on so that if you can make any sense of this, _you_ can explain to me how this all happened.

My name's Jo. I'm seventeen years old and a senior in high school. I'm a shorty – five foot three – and I have brown eyes and extremely curly dark brown hair. I've been into the anime scene ever since I first watched Sailor Moon in second grade – even though I didn't know precisely what anime was. It caught my interest right away: Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Dragon Ball Z, and Bleach. ESPECIALLY Bleach. Ever since its premiere in 2006, I haven't missed a single episode. My mother thinks I'm obsessed, but I tell her I'm just a very intrigued fan.

...So before we start to get off subject here, let me go all the way back to the beginning so I can tell you how I ended up in my current situation. It all started Sunday night...

Aw man, I really hate Sunday nights in the middle of the school year. It's the last day you can relax before you're thrown back into the hellhole known as school. Then you're expected to survive five long, straight days of listening to your teachers complain about 'how none of you idiots will ever accomplish anything in life'. **Then** you go home, only to be sucked into a family dividing conflict that just makes you feel worse.

Oh well. I'm just glad I had an easy solution for that – anime. I reached into my bookbag and pulled out a black hard covered sketch book, along with my drafting pencil and eraser. I opened to the first page of the book and stared down at the picture on the paper. It was a drawing of Ichigo and Aizen fighting, fully colored and filled with detail down to the last little tear in Ichigo's sleeve. I flipped through the book, carefully observing each drawing: the ten Espada, the ten remaining Captains, the thirteen Lieutenants, Aizen and his gang, Kisuke and Yoruichi, Tia Halibel and her fraccion, my OCs, my original zanpakutos... The sketchbook was almost completely filled with full color pictures of the cast of Bleach. I only had three pages left. Damn, I'd need to get a new one soon.

By now, it was getting late and I was growing bored. Seeing as it was Sunday night and Bleach wasn't on, I went straight to the On Demand channel and right for my favorite anime. There were a few old episodes available, but hey, at least there WERE episodes airing. I chose one at random and let my mind get sucked into the awesome battle that had commenced...

Correction – I was **about** to let my mind get sucked into the awesome battle between Grimmjow and Ichigo, but my cable box suddenly decided it would be hilarious to reset on me. Great, just great. I was just about to start drawing my Grimmy shooting his elbow bombs at Carrot Top. Now what was I supposed to use for a reference? My laptop was dead, so I couldn't look online. "Hmm..." I closed my sketch book and put it back in my book bag, and began to contemplate what I could do now. "Let's see..." I mumbled to myself. "I _could_ draw one of my Bleach OCs...nah, already did that." I got up from my bed and paced around my tiny room for a bit, until my eyes fell on Kasou. Ah, Kasou. It was a mysterious katana that just caught my interest right away. The scabbard and cord wrapping around the hilt were storm cloud gray. The guard was a plain onyx circle, nothing special. But the katana in general was...different. There was something strange about Kasou. What it was, I couldn't pinpoint. Either way, I was drawn to the sword like a yaoi fangirl to...well, _any_ anime or video game, really.

I grabbed Kasou and unsheathed it, staring at the beautiful carbon steel blade. A thought shot into my mind. "If I can't draw Bleach, I can at least act it out a bit," I told myself. There we go. A back-up plan to relieve my boredom. I decided to use one of my created swords, since I couldn't decide between Ichigo and Kenpachi. But which one should I do? I had Shainingu Hagane, Kaichou, Munesanzun, Genshuku and Kasou to choose from. The moonlight coming into my room through the window hit Kasou's blade, making it glow a bit. A sign from Tite Kubo, perhaps? Possibly.

Well, Kasou it was. I'm glad I'd already come up with a shikai release command for my 'zanpakuto'. I only wish I'd created a stance, too. Oh well. I'll just have to wing it. "Maybe if I swing it over my head...nah, that's stupid." I tried out several other stances, but none of them looked right. "Damned imagination block..." Sighing heavily, I grabbed the scabbard from against the wall and sheathed my weapon.

I never should've had my back to the television.

The moment I heard the classic snapping noise of a katana being sheathed, I felt something behind me. It was almost as if someone was towering over me and breathing down my neck. Alright, here's where things get _really_ freaky. When I turned around to see who was behind me – slowly, of course, to add suspense – I caught sight of a giant Hollow. Okay, I know what you're thinking: It's nighttime, I'm tired and bored, so I must be imagining things. Right? That's what I thought.

The Hollow looked vaguely similar to the ones I'd seen Ichigo fight in the beginning of the series. Its bone-encased, hexagon-shaped head nearly brushed against the ceiling. Yellow eyes stared back at me, as if they belonged to a vulture who was watching their prey. Its body looked like that of a scorpion mixed with some kind of dinosaur, horns, tail and all. It even had a pair of giant pincers. I thought about it for a second, but unfortunately couldn't think of a name that matched his description. So I decided to call it Fred.

"Uhmm..." I started, not sure what to say at first. I mean, really. What would be your first words to a Hollow that eyed you like a delicious cheeseburger? ...Besides whatever perverted thoughts are running through your mind right now. "Am I in a position where I can shout rape or something?" I finally asked.

Fred let out a maniacal chuckle. **"Well well well...what do we have here? My midnight snack seems to have an immense reiatsu."** Wait. Did it just say...I have _reiatsu_?

I just stood there, staring at Fred for a few seconds, before bursting out laughing. "Woah. Hold on a second there, buddy." I wiped a tear from my eye and regained my self control. "You -" I pointed to him, - "just told me - " then to myself - "that I have reiatsu?" I laughed some more. "That's priceless! Alright, I'm going to say this slow so that you fully understand. I am a human from the _real world_. You are a Hollow from the anime Bleach. In the _real world_, people don't have reiatsu. So you can try to 'eat me' or do whatever you Hollows do, but it won't work."

Fred chuckled again. I guess what I said was somehow funny to it. **"I knew humans were stupid to begin with, but you're the most stupid one I've ever encountered."** It pulled back one of its pincers. **"Perhaps you need me to show you how very real I am."**

"Pfft." I swatted my hand at him. "Please, as if you could really-" I was cut off when I suddenly felt a sharp pain hit my torso. Looking down, I saw a slash going right across my stomach. My eyes went straight onto Fred's pincer, which was now on the opposite side it was before.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. If I'm dreaming, I should _REALLY_ wake up now. You know, before I get killed.

"**Do you see the truth now, human?"** Fred drew closer to me, pulling its other pincer back. He was going for a second one. I frantically backed against the wall and held my hand to my wound, both confused and scared shitless of what was happening.

_Okay,_ I thought to myself. _Just relax for a to make sense of what's going on. First, your cable box reset just as a Bleach episode was loading. Then, while you weren't looking, it turned back on and SOMEHOW, a huge ass Hollow must've crawled out of your television._ That...didn't really make much sense, but I'll buy it anyway.

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt Kasou bump against my back. I quickly grabbed it and pulled the blade out from its scabbard. I wasn't really sure what I was doing, but it sure was a hell of a lot better than letting Fred dice me up and turn me into finger food. As expected, the Hollow went for me again. Luckily, I knew what to expect this time. It tried to grab me, but I rolled out of the way and sliced at its pincer. Surprisingly, I made contact! Good, now I kind of knew what to do! Fred and I clashed a few more times before he backed up a few spaces, obviously shocked that I was winning.

The Hollow let out a hiss. **"You want to play rough? Fine!"**

Fred asked me if I wanted to play rough. _That's what she said_, I thought. I couldn't help but to laugh at that one...which I shouldn't have done. It took my focus off the battle, giving Fred a chance to grab me. Damn my perverted mind! Its unharmed pincer caught and slammed me into the wall. Yeah, that head trauma would definitely come back to haunt me in the morning. I tried cutting into the Hollow to free myself, but it threw me against the wall a few times. Okay, now my head was really starting to hurt...and I think I had a gash right at my hairline. I reached a hand up to my head. Yup, I was now bleeding from a second injury. Whoopdee flippin' do. And now I was starting to feel dizzy, Even better.

Fred saw I was worn down and turned toward the television, holding me right in front of the flashing screen. **"I see you've chosen to give up finally. A wise choice."** The scorpion-like creature laughed again, this time being distracted by his glory of catching me. I took this opportunity to have one last shot at freeing myself. Panting heavily, I raised Kasou above my head and cut off Fred's arm. Fred let out an ear-shattering roar as I fell backward. But strangely, I didn't hit the floor. Wait...if I didn't hit the floor...

I forced my eyes open to see exactly where I was falling. It turns out that I had, in fact, been sucked into my television. Brights lights flashing inside the 'TV portal' made my eyes close again. What sounded like extremely loud thunder made me lose my hearing. I couldn't see or hear anything. There was nothing around for me to grab onto and possibly save myself from whatever the hell was going on.

I remember feeling a painful jolt hit me at the back of my neck. After that...nothing.


	2. Ichigo is Rude

**Author's Note:**_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. I belong to...well, me xD See my __**deviantART**__ page for mentioned OCs._

_Infernal Blossom here. Well, that certainly was...confusing. Who would've thought that a scorpion Hollow was so perverted?_

_This is my first 1st-person view story. It was a bit difficult in the first chapter, but I think I've got the hang of it now. And for this chapter, you'll need to go to my DA page for an outfit reference._

_Now, let us continue with the insanity known as my imagination._

So that's how it all started, with a freakish Sunday night and a freakish television. Did you catch all that? Good. But did you _understand_ it? ...Yeah, I didn't think so. Guess I should continue trying to explain this to you so you can help me understand it myself.

Now, where was I? ...Ah, yes. I was just about to wake up from my nightmare.

When you wake up from a nightmare, normally, you feel better when you find out that it was just a dream. Then you breathe a sigh of relief and doze off again.

That's how it's supposed to be. Unfortunately, things don't tend to be 'how they're supposed to be' when it comes to me. When I first opened my eyes, I rubbed them to the point where they turned red because of what I saw. I was outside. Not just outside my room, but _outside_ outside. As in, the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a squirrel looking down at me. "What the fuck!" Yeah, THAT'S a pleasant way to wake up – with a disease-infested rodent about to gnaw on your skin and nest in your hair. And by the way it was eyeing me, that's exactly what it wanted to do.

"FIRIN' MAH LAZAH!" I yelled out to scare the little vermin away. It jumped a bit, but not enough to make me feel rabies free. I swatted my hand at the squirrel to shoo it away– and that's when I noticed it. I was wearing my black fighting gloves. "The hell?" When did I put these on? I know they were off when Fred attacked me.

Okay, weird. My fighting gloves suddenly appear on my hands. "It's alright," I told myself, "you're just hallucinating after a VERY weird nightmare that just happened to involve a Hollow. No big deal. Just rinse your face with some cold water and reality shall return." But where was I supposed to find water? I had no idea where the hell I was!

...But I DID recognize the sound of water flowing nearby. As I got up to follow the sound, I suddenly took in my new surroundings. It _seemed_ a bit familiar, but I couldn't remember where from. Eh, it'd him me at some point. After following the sound for a bit, I reached its source – a river. I was starting to get the felling that I knew this place more and more, but I still couldn't put my finger on it. I guess that's what happens in some hallucinations. I knelt down beside the river and reached a hand to the water. I was about to scoop some up when I saw my reflection.

It was so strange. For a second, I could've sworn I looked like my deviantART ID that I'd drawn. My hair was controlled, I had bangs, and I even had my signature orange flower pinned in. I looked exactly how I'd wanted to for such a long time. But that's what dreams do. They make it seem like you're what you've always wanted. And unfortunately for me, this dream was about to end. I reached into the river and scooped some water into my hands, splashing it onto my face. "Well it was fun while it lasted." I glanced down in the water again to see my _real_ reflection.

...Which never came up. I was just left with the same reflection as before – the sexy version of myself. "What the crap?" Again, I splashed water on my face. And again, all it did was confuse me. My reflection wasn't changing. "Okay, this is getting TOO weird." I stood up completely to examine myself, and that's when it hit me. I really did look like my deviantART ID! Everything was identical to my drawing – I had the same tight blue jeans, the same black boots, the same purple and gray shirt, even the same sword and backpack. And the slash that had been across my stomach was gone as we-

Wait. I actually had a REAL sword on my back? SWEET! Not only was I now sexy as hell, but I also had a weapon on me! Now there was one last thing I had to make sure of. ...Yes, my rack was bigger too! Ah, the only way this could get better is if I knew where the hell I was. None of the surroundings looked like anything I'd recognize to be on my island, so anywhere near home was out of the question. "Hmm..." I guess it was time for a little exploring.

I had walked, from the river, up a hill that lead to a small neighboorhood. Again, it looked oddly familiar, very similar to Karakura Town even. But there was no way this was real. Figuring I had nothing better to do, I continued to walk around and take note of all my new surroundings.

That's when I finally saw something I recognized out of the entire town...but it wasn't what I'd expect to recognize in a strange dream. To my right was none other than Kisuke Urahara's shop. That settled it – I'd 'landed' in Karakura Town. Wow, the tiny building looked even older in person. This was a perfect opportunity to get a good sketch of it! "Aw, dammit I forgot. My stuff's back in my room." But then I remembered the backpack on my shoulder. I sat down in front of the shop and zipped open my bookbag. Perfect, all my drawing gear was in there! I quickly pulled out my Bleach sketchbook and flipped open to one of the remaining clean pages. This was going to be a great picture to rub in an architect's face!

I was almost finished with the epic drawing of Kisuke's shop when I felt a presence I'd hoped to never feel again. Yup, it was time for me to slowly turn around once again and stare straight up at Fred. And I did. He looked the same as when I'd last seen him, aside from the drool around his mouth and having grown back part of his lost pincer. "Fred!" I yelled out, quickly closing my book and putting it away. "How've ya been, buddy?"

"**Still alive, I see,"** Fred growled. **"I must admit, I'm quite surprised you made it here in one piece."** Okay, THAT threw me off a bit.

"Wait a minute. You're telling me that YOU" – I pointed to him – "didn't think I" – then to myself – "would make it out of my own nightmare and into this dream alive?" I didn't really know how to react to what he'd just said to me. "Dude, do you hear yourself? I mean, really! It's MY dream, so of course I'll survive!" I kept on yammering about how this was only a dream and so forth, not noticing that he was drawing closer to me. "...Even when I had that dream about the world made of nothing but pudding-"

"**God dammit, SHUT UP!"** His yelling finally silenced my rambling. **"For a tiny human, you can really talk someone to death!"** Like I haven't heard that before. Fred suddenly backed away from me and pulled his pincer up a bit. Great, he was gonna try and kill me. AGAIN. I quickly grabbed my sword and slashed at him before he could attempt anything. Lucky for him, he'd picked up a new trick and wrapped his tail around my ankle. Fred apparently thought it would be hilarious to lift me up and swing me around like some sort of toy.

Now I was getting pissed off and nauseous. I had to find a way to get this Hollow off my case. "Get the hell off me!" I yelled to the point where my voice cracked. I kept a tight grip on my sword and swung the blade near his tail. I was instantly freed, while he roared out like the bony lizard on steroids he was. "Now, it's time for payback!" I decided to end this epically – I jumped high into the air and slashed downward, right where Fred's head was. Just a second more and I'd finally be rid of this niusance.

Ah, if that were only the case. Sadly, Fred knew better and reached his pincer up just in time to not only intercept my attack, but also try and counter. He tried knocking me back, and it sort of worked. So this is what it came to: me down on one knee, disarmed, and about to be massacred by a two dimesional drawing. What a way for my life to end. I never even got to go to Japan.

Then I heard a voice, one that made me feel both relieved and slightly more confused. The anger in it gave away its owner instantly. "Hey, ugly!"

Yup, that was definitely an Ichigo entrance line.

I caught sight of Carrot Top running over toward Fred and I. Each second I stared at him, I kept wondering how the hell he got into my dream. I mean, he was an interesting character in the series, but I wasn't a fangirl or anything. Watching as he drew his zanpakuto, I easily figured out which arc my Bleach dream was. Good, at least I now knew that I wouldn't have to see Aizen or his bitch curl.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Ichigo continued, pointing Zangetsu at Fred. "Attacking someone who can't even defend themselves? That's pathetic!"

Did he just call me...defenseless? Oh, he'll pay for that later.

Fred growled at Ichigo, sounding more pissed than when I was reminiscing about my pudding dream. **"Well well, a Soul Reaper. Looks like I'm in for a feast."** I guess Fred decided to be a douche because he went to attack me again. I quickly scrambled backward to avoid being caught in his pincer again. Seeing as how Carrot Top got in between us and cut it off, I was able to calm down a bit and look for my sword.

I scanned around a bit until I found my beloved weapon. There it was, right...under Fred. "Ey, Fruit Pop!" Surprisingly, it caught Ichigo's attention. "Would you mind getting my sword from underneath Fred?" He wasn't facing me, but I could tell that he had a 'WTF' face now. He nodded and went in for the kill.

Once Fred was diced and splattered all over the ground, Ichigo came back to me with my katana. He knelt down next to me, placing it in my hand. "...Can you really see me?" he suddenly asked. Yeah, I also expected him to ask if I was alright. I nodded.

"Yeah I can." Not to my surprise, he expression changed from stern to relaxed. That was my chance. I went right for it and punched him in his stomach. He actually fell backwards! I couldn't resist laughing a little.

"Ow! What the hell!" he yelled at me, right into my ear. "I save your life, and you repay me with a punch?"

I swatted my hand at him. "Pfft. You may have saved my life, Ichigo, but you didn't ask if I was alright! How rude!" I crossed my arms.

"What the...? You're not serious right now, are you?" I ignored his question, which pissed him off more. He went to grab me by my shirt and give me his two cents, but he suddenly froze. "...Wait a second. How do you know my name?"

Wow, I managed to confuse Ichigo. Score one for me. "The hell do you mean? Of course I know your name. You're the main character of this show!" His eyes told me it didn't register. Of course he wouldn't understand. He was a PART OF THE SHOW. I opened my mouth to explain the situation to him, but no words came out. Instead of words, all I could hear was the sound of pain – which I was strangely feeling now. Both of out attention was drawn to my shoulder, the source of my pain. Well whaddaya know? Fred actually managed to give me a long, deep slice right along my shoulder. And wait for it...now there was blood. Great, just what I needed. More of my blood oozing out of my body and staining my clothes. No matter how funny I found the sight of blood – ANYONE'S blood – if I could feel where it was coming from, it wasn't funny anymore. Just annoying.

Ichigo looked on the verge of freaking out. I'm pretty sure that NOW he felt bad about not asking if I was alright. Before I could say bankai, he scooped me up like a sack of potatoes and carried me into Kisuke's shop. Now I REALLY felt defenseless. "Hey, Mr. Hat-and-Clogs! You here?" I squirmed in his arms in an attempt to get free. If there was one thing I hated, it was being picked up. "Woah, quit squirming! I'm trying to help you!"

"You had it coming to you, Carrot Top! I do NOT like it when I'm picked up!" I swung my leg to try and kick him. Success, but not in the way I'd anticipated. While trying to free myself from Carrot Top, I accidentally kicked him in the nuts. Now he was the one on the floor wallowing in pain.

He looked up at me from the floor, pain stricken and angry as hell. "The hell's your problem? All I did was carry you in to get help!" He rolled around a few times, muttering and cursing to himself. "Son of a...dammit!"

"Hey, what's going on out there?" I froze. That voice...could it be? I slowly turned around and saw that my suspicions had been confirmed. Wooden clogs, green clothing, the classic green-and-white striped hat, light blond hair and gray eyes.

Yup, it was Kisuke Urahara.

I had to get his autograph.


	3. Kisuke is Famous

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. I belong to myself, of course. See my __**deviantART**__ page for mentioned OCs and my new look!_

_Infernal Blossom here. Yay, Fred is gone. And we've finally met some actual Bleach characters. Who knew Ichigo could be so rude? XD_

_Look, Urahara's made his debut too! And by the looks of it, he's one popular guy!_

_Thank you all very much for your reviews. I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying the story so far. Lucky for you, there's still much more to come!_

_And a special thanks to __**Inky Battlefield**__. He's been helping me through the constant writer's blocks that come with having an overactive imagination._

_~Infernal Blossom_

I must've looked so stalker-ish by the way Kisuke stared at me. I mean, really. How would you feel if you walked into your store to find a guy on the floor, keeled over from a crotch shot, and some random girl who you'd never met before?

Everything remained silent for what seemed like forever. I stayed frozen, trying to figure out what would happen next. What would the sweet and funny Kisuke say about my presence in his shop? Or would he show me the awesome power that was Benihime?

Screw what he thought about me! I was in the presence of one of my favorite Bleach characters, Kisuke Urahara! Without thinking it through, I ran up to him with open arms and tackle-glomped him. "Kisuke! Oh my god, it's you! Kisuke Urahara! I can't believe I actually have the honor of meeting you! You're so awesome! This is so awesome! I've always wanted to meet you, and it came true! I don't care if this is a dream anymore! I got to meet you in person and hug you and-"

"Shut up!" I heard Ichigo yell from behind me. "God, you have a freakin' motor mouth!" Had I really been talking that much? I must've been. People always told me that I talk a lot for a little person. I'd have to work on that. "And why'd you tackle Urahara like that?" Oh yeah, almost forgot about that. I quickly got off of him and helped him stand.

"I'm SO sorry, Kisuke! I didn't mean to knock you down like that! I just got a little over excited." _Great first impression,_ I thought to myself. _You've done a great job of embarrassing yourself in front of Geta-boshi. Smooth._

To my surprise, he started laughing. "It's alright. No harm done." Wow, so he didn't notice that I referred to him by his first name? Weird. Kisuke brused himself off and turned his attention to Ichigo, who was now standing next to me. "So what brings you to my little shop today, Ichigo?"

Carrot Top immediately looked down at me. "This girl did. She got injured from a Hollow." Up until he mentioned the Hollow, I'd forgotten about the cut and the pain. Now thanks to the angry strawberry, it was hurting like a bitch. Not only that, but now most of my left sleeve was blood soaked. I would've enjoyed the blood if it hadn't been my own. "You mind fixing her up?"

"That won't be a problem," he replied. Somehow I knew Kisuke wouldn't deny me, even if he had no clue who I was. He lead Ichigo and I into his shop, passing through a narrow hall and into a little room. I recognized it right away. This was where he and his little gang would have their meals and discuss Hollow stuff. I sat next to the small table, letting my eyes wander around.

"Is Tessai gonna use some kido to patch me up?"

Kisuke suddenly froze up. THAT was one thing I'd never known him to do. "...Yes," he answered back after a moment. "Just wait here. He'll come in in a sec." He turned to the doorway and was about to leave, but I stopped him.

"Wait!" He turned my way, waiting to hear whatever I had to say. "If Yoruichi's around, can you ask her to turn into a cat so I can watch?" I kept a smile on my face, despite his confused look. He just nodded and walked out. Oh boy, I hope I hadn't creeped him out. After a minute or two, Tessai came in. I gave him a friendly wave and pointed to my wounded shoulder. "Is the kido gonna burn once it starts?" I asked, which made him freeze too. He only replied with a nod and knelt down behind me. Once he placed his hands on the wound, it began to burn like hell.

Hmm...what should I do to distract myself from the pain? I couldn't draw anything, since I'd been sliced on my drawing arm. Guess I could just flip through my sketchbook and decide what to draw next. Yeah, that's what I would do. I unzipped my bookbag with my good arm and pulled out my Bleach sketchbook...or what I _thought_ was my Bleach sketchbook. Somehow, I'd pulled out a totally different book. It had a hard black cover with fiery swirls on it. And hanging from the coils on the side of it was a matching mechanical pencil and eraser. Okay, my dream just got weirder. Where the hell did this sketchbook come from? I mean, it was awesome, but still. I've had enough things pop out of nowhere. And then this appears. "That's strange..." I muttered under my breath. I didn't remember ever buying this. Oh well. Wherever this awesome sketchbook came from, it was now mine.

While I was oogling over my new sketchbook, Kisuke came back in. Tessai immediately left and closed the door behind him. Guess it was time for a serious chat with Geta-boshi. He sat across from me, hands on the table top. Just as he opened his mouth, Ichigo burst in.

"Hey you, with the mouth!" he said with an attitude. "You never explained how you know my name!" I just sat there with my arms crossed, staring at him like he was an idiot – which he was showing right now.

Kisuke, being the sweet guy he was, waved off the rude strawberry. "Now, now, don't be rude. She just had a near death experience, after all." Then he turned to me. "However, he does have a point. You seem to know quite a lot, seeing as how you knew what a kido was." Aw man, now I felt embarrassed. It was time for the interview. He kept his eyes on me for a second of silence before speaking again. "Are you a Soul Reaper in a gigai?"

"No," I answered. "I'm completely human."

"Then maybe you should start from the beginning." He rested his chin on top of his hands. "You're obviously not from around here. Who are you?"

Wow, he asked me what my name was. How un-rude of him, unlikt a certain Carrot Top. "My name's Jo." He motioned for me to continue. "Well, uh...you see, it's...uhh...kind of a long story that you still won't quite understand in the end. In fact, you might even think I'm insane, or even tried to kill me." The thought of Kisuke and Ichigo trying to kill me after hearing my words sent a chill down my spine.

The candyman managed to surprise me again and laughed. "That might be true. But we can't be sure until you tell us, right?" He made a good point there. Guess there was no avoiding this.

"Okay, if that's how you want it." I took a deep breath and prepared myself. "Where I'm from, you two and everyone else in this whole world – excluding myself – are characters from an anime called Bleach. Being a huge fan of the show, I've made it my life's mission to learn about all the characters so I could better come up with ideas for pictured with them." I reached over to my backpack and pulled out my Bleach sketchbook, flipping it open. "I WAS going to draw Ichigo fighting Grimmjow, but my cable box decided to be an ass-"

Ichigo's sighing interrputed my train of thought. "Well it makes perfect sense now. You're a complete nutjob." Ooh, I wanted to pound him in the ground so bad!

"Hold on, Ichigo," Kisuke told him. "Let her finish."

Ah, I knew he'd have my back. "Thank you. At least you're not an ass like SOME people." I glared at Ichigo before regaining my composure. "Anyway, that Hollow out there, whom I'd named Fred, somehow came to my world – the REAL world – and said I had some 'strong reiatsu' or some crap like that. I laughed and he attacked me. Yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah... Next thing I know, I'm waking up in the streets of Karakura Town looking like this. And here I am now: stuck in a hell of a dream, talking to you and Carrot Top, and hoping that this dream makes sense soon."

He nodded as soon as I'd finished. "Fred, huh? Looked more like a Jim to me." And Ichigo, being Ichigo, couldn't take a joke and shot a glare at Kisuke. I swear, if his soul depended on it, he'd have turned Hollow a long time ago.

"Is this any time to be joking around, Urahara?" All Mr. Hat-and-Clogs did was shrug.

"To be honest, most of that story made sense. Theoretically, anyway." Ichigo gave him a WTF face, which made me laugh. He may have been a jerk, but his reactions to strange this were always funny.

He held the same face when he turned to me. "You mean to tell me you're buying this crap? You two are nutier than a bag of cashews!" Seriously, Ichigo. Corniest. Line. EVER. All Kisuke did was shrug again.

Oh my god. He catually believed me! "So you don't think I'm insane? And you're not gonna kill me?"

He shot me a smirk. "Nah, you're safe," he replied. I couldn't help but to smile back. Even if this was a dream, Kisuke just made my day.

Then I remember something. "Oh!" I quickly turned to the page in my sketchbook with the drawing of him and Yoruichi and handed the book to him. "Can I have your autograph?" For a second, he looked puzzled. Either he was looking at my drawing, or this was the first time someone ever asked for his autograph.

"Hmm...not bad." Yup, he was totally eyeing my work of art. He grabbed the pencil that was hanging off the side and signed right above where I'd drawn his hat. "So you know Yoruichi too, huh?"

I nodded. "Mhm! She's one of my two favorite female characters!" Aha, he'd mentioned Yoruichi. Now was my chance to prove myself and all the other 'Yoruichi x Urahara' fans correct! "By the way," I started, "when are you finally gonna...you know...tell her how you feel?"

I swear, if Kisuke was sipping a drink when I asked him that question, he would've had his own spit take. "Uhm...I'm not sure I know what you're talking about." Yeah right. It's written all over your face.

"Come on, Kisuke. You and I both know that you've got a thing for her." The wider I grinned, the more nervous he seemed to become. Even his laugh sounded nervous.

"N-no, you've got it all wrong. She my friend, nothing more." If it weren't for the fact that: A) they fit together so well; B) he sounded nervous; and C) he was blushing, I would've bought that. But I knew better.

"Right." Okay, done with going all paparazzi on Kisuke. Now I was getting bored. What to do now? Hmm...I wondered if Rangiku and the guys were around. "Hey, Ichigo." He shot me a glare, like I'd done something wrong..._besides_ kicking him in the nuts. "Are any of the other Soul Reapers around? You know, the red pineapple or the frozen midget..."

He easily caught on to where I was going with this. "You're not gonna run your mouth to any of the other Soul Reapers, alright? They'd freak out if they knew about you."

"Pfft." I shooed away his comment. "You worry too much, Carrot Top." I waltzed over to him and put on my puppy eyes. Maybe he'd prove to be not such an insensitive jerk and fall for them.

But in his case, maybe was less than a one percent chance. Which he showed. He even gave me a death glare. "Don't. Call. Me. Carrot Top. And why the hell are you looking at me like that for? I said no, and that's that!"

Wow, he was more of an ass in person than on TV. Then again, that's how they all are. "Fine. I guess I'll just walk around outslde without my sword and find a Hollow to chase around. Maybe that'll get their attention. Doesn't matter what I do anyway, since this is MY dream!" Well I knew it would get his, at least. Before leaving, I turned one last time to good ol' Geta-boshi. "Bye, Kisuke! Tell Yoruichi I say hi!"And with that, I was off. Time for me to find either the Soul Reaper gang or my new Hollow friend...Jim.


	4. Rangiku is Boobalicious

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its charatcers belong to Tite Kubo. I belong to myself, of course. See my __**deviantART**__ page for mentioned OCs and my new look._

_Infernal Blossom here. Woot, I got Kisuke's autograph! Let's celebrate! And what's this? He actually believed me? Aw, Kisuke, you're such an awesome guy~!_

_Now, I wonder who I'll run into first..._

"Hey, hold on!"

I ignored Carrot Top's calls as I made my way out of Kisuke's shop. "I said wait, dammit!" Oh boy, he was getting pissier. I finally stopped so I wouldn't have to hear any more of his whining. Man, I didn't expect Ichigo to be such a complainer!

"Dude, since when did you resort to whining like Neliel in her child form?" He immediately shot me a glare.

"Well I'd throw you over my shoulder, but you might kick me in the nuts again!" Wow, he was STILL on that? What a baby. And he thinks he's so strong. "Hey, are you listening to me?"

"Huh? What?" Damn my random obliviousness. "Sorry, I sorta blacked out. What were you saying?" He sighed heavily and shook his head...at me, like I'd done something wrong. "Woah woah. What crawled up YOUR ass and died, Carrot Top?"

That made Ichigo lose it. "I told you not to call me that!" He went to grab my wrist – probably so he could drag me back into Kisuke's place – but I saw it coming and nailed the idiot with my newly learned tae kwon do skills. Next thing he knew, the redhead was on the floor and yelling for me to let go of his arm before I snapped it in two. "Owowowowow OW! Lemme go, dammit! I already had to deal with this with Rukia! I don't wanna go through it again!" Oh yeah, almost forgot about that. I let him go before I mentally scarred him for life. "Damn. For a little person, you sure can pack a punch." Now he calls me small? Okay, that was another thing I'd have to get him back for.

But I'd have to save that for later. Right now, I had to commence on my search for trouble...I mean, adventure. "Hmm...how am I going to find me a Hollow?" I didn't even have to turn around to know that Carrot Top was giving me his look of denial. "Don't give me that face. I'm gonna find me a Hollow I can name Jim, whether you like it or not! This is MY dream, so you can't stop me-"

"How many times do I need to tell you?" he rudely interrupted me. "This" - he held out both hands, referring to everything around him - "is NOT a dream! Everything you see here is real. Wasn't that Hollow nearly killing you proof enough?" All I did was tilt my head to the side, making him sigh again.

I didn't want to hear any more of his blabbering. I could be using this time to find either the Karakura gang, the Soul Reapers or Jim. While Ichigo went to explain how none of this was a dream, I took the chance to look for my new friends. I was just about to round the corner and be home free...until I heard the redhead screaming at the top of his lungs. Time to run like hell. But where to? Sure, I've seen Karakura Town's many places in the anime. Actually running THROUGH the small town, however, was completely different. At one point it felt like I was going in circles.

Wait a second. I could've sworn I passed Ichigo's high school. And if I'm not mistaken, I could've sworn I saw some of his friends, too. Just to be sure, I slowly walked back to the school yard, hiding behind a wall to make sure I remained stealthy and awesome. Orihime, Keigo, Chad, Chizuru, Tatsuki, Mizuiro, Uryu- Hold on...the Soul Reapers were there too! Perfect! Two prizes in one package.

_...Ha. That's what she said._ Damn my perverted mind. I couldn't help myself! It was too perfect. Well, time to introduce myself to the crew. I took a step into the school yard and put on my uber happy face. God, I felt like Shinji when he first transferred to Ichigo's class.

And then I felt my body hit the ground. Hard. That, and something heavy on top of me. Man, so many innuendos today! It wasn't until I heard that familiar annoying voice that I knew who'd tackled me down. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing, Jo?" Wow, Ichigo saying my name sounded really...weird. Guess it's something I'll have to get used to while I'm here. "I told you that you're not meeting my friends!"

"Who's this, Ichigo?" I heard a new voice ask. Yup, the perfect person to start my introduction. I looked up to make sure I had the right person in mind. Rangiku Matsumoto. I was right! She pushed Carrot Top off of me and helped me stand. "Hmm..." She circled around me a few times, probably to look me up and down.

Then it happened. Her arms wrapped around my busty stick of a body and squeezed me tight. "Aww, Ichigo! She's so CUTE!" THEN my face was somehow stuffed in her cleavage. Now I knew how others in my situation felt. Her rack really could suffocate someone! I was able to get free and catch my breath once Ichigo pulled me out of her bosom of death. "Sorry," she said whil giggling. "I just never thought the day would come when Ichigo would finally get a girlfriend!"

Okay, spit take time! He and I nearly choked when we heard Rangiku. "Me? Date THAT?" I couldn't help but to laugh at her theory. "You've gotta be joking, Rangiku!"

Whoops. I felt Ichigo's hand clasp right over my mouth while he noogied me with the other. "What did I tell you about running your mouth to them? God, it's like that piehole needs to be super glued shut!" Instinctively, I bit his hand so that he'd let me go – which he did, of course. That allowed me to run like hell – AGAIN – but he soon got over the bite mark on his hand and went after me – AGAIN. Lucky for him I was tired from running all the way here earlier today, so he caught me easily and threw me over his shoulder. "When I say shut up, I mean it!" How many times would he have to say that to realize that I don't give a rat's ass about what he has to say?

"Uhh...Ichigo?" Yup, Renji was voicing his opinion. "How does your girlfriend know Rangiku's name?"

"She's NOT my girlfriend!" Ichigo yelled back at him. It was then that I suddenly realized something. How did a piece of peach get in my mouth? I was nowhere near a peach! I spit the little piece of fruit out into my hand and examined it, still wondering how it got in my mouth. After much thinking – which for me was about five seconds – I came to the conclusion that Rangiku had been eating a peach previous to meeting me, and some of it had fallen in her rack. Now I had to answer the big question of the moment: should I put the little morsel of peach back in her cleavage?

My thoughts were interrupted when Ichigo yelled for the sixth time, "Stop calling her my girlfriend!" He was distracted enough where I could easily slide out of his grasp. I stood in between him and Renji and took a deep breath.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. And surprisingly, everyone flew backward a little. I guess the anime-ness enhanced my voice or something. "That's better. Now everyone just calm down, alright?" They were all quiet for a while, probably scared that if they said anything I was gonna rip their heads off or something. "Uhh, you can talk, you know. It's not like I'm gonna eat you if you say something."

Everyone, especially the Soul Reapers, stared silently at me for a minute more, before Rangiku spoke up. "So aren't you gonna introduce us to your little friend?" she asked Carrot Top. He rolled his eyes in return, indicating that his thoughts were far from doing such a thing. She pouted at him. "Aw. Why not?"

"Because," he started, "I said so-"

Yeah, I was NOT about to let him pass up my opportunity to meet the awesomeness of ghosts in person. I quickly elbowed him in the gut to end his ranting. While he keeled over, I waltzed right up to Rangiku and held out my hand for her. "My name's Jo. I'm Ichigo's...-" I had to quickly come up with something believable- "cousin. He's told me SO much about you all!" Now I had to wait and see if they believed my lie.

"Are you sure you're his cousin?" the red pineapple asked me, raising an eyebrow. I nodded, but that didn't wipe the surprised look off his face. "Really... Because you look more like you could be his girlfriend." Ichigo tightened his fist, but I pinched him to calm him down.

Pretending to go along with the little charade, I laughed at Renji's ideology. "His girlfriend? No, I could never date Ichigo. He's too much of an idiot for me." Everyone laughed right when I said that. Good, my ass was covered. And not only that, but it seemed that they all liked me too. I was so close to having their naïve nature weapped around my tiny fingers...

...But then quite a few Hollows had to intrude on my moment of triumph. And by quite a few, I meant at least ten. For a second, they kind of looked like something that belonged in the Muppets. It took me a second to remember that there were normal humans around. They couldn't be around to become Hollow feed, no matter how funny I'd find their bloody corpses being scattered across the city! I had to somehow clear out the norms so the Soul Reapers and the...well, others, could get rid of the infestation. And I was supposed to do that HOW?

Oh, looks like they were running like hell on their own. Good, I didn't have to waste my energy. Once they were long gone, I wiped the stupid look off of my face and decided to take charge. I quickly came up with a plan in my mind. "Okay, listen up!" I shouted to get everyone's attention while drawing my katana. "Chad, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Rukia and Uryu: you five get rid of these guys. It's obvious that there's more, maybe even a leader." They stared at me as if I was some kind of freak while looking dumbfounded. "Well? Get your asses in gear! Go!" Without hesitating they took off. Then I turned to everyone else. "Alright, the rest of you are gonna come with me. We're gonna find the Garganta and the leader, and destroy them both. Now who has a Soul Phone on them?" Toshiro, who'd been silently eyeing me the whole time, pulled out his phone. I didn't even have to look at the screen to hear the loud beeping from the immense amount of Hollows around. He looked up from the screen back at me, this time with a suspicious glare, which I ignored. "Toshiro, you're going to lead the way. Rangiku, you're gonna be at his left and Ichigo to his right. I'll be behind both of you. Renji, you'll be behind me, since your Zabimaru can defend us from behind and in front." As we took off, I was so tempted to say 'that's what she said,' but I had to resist my perverted thoughts. Right now, I had to focus on getting rid of these Hollows. I had a hunch that the leader would be the one I would name Jim.

Not even a few minutes had passed, and we'd already demolished at least six Hollows. One of them looked like it could've been named Bill, and there were at least three Bobs. The amount of bony creatures per attack was increasing, which indicated that we were getting close. I could tell that the frozen midget's eyes were still boring through me, even if he was looking toward the front. Then he halted to a stop. "There." He pointed ahead to a far off Garganta. Yup, that was definitely the source of the infestation. And...wait a second... A giant Hollow that looked like some kind of tarantula-squid hybrid? I immediately dispatched from the squad formation and headed straight toward the giant Hollow, shouting only one word.

"JIMMMMMMM!"


	5. Jim is Erasable

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. I belong to myself, obviously xD Check my __**deviantART**__ page for mentioned OCs._

_Well, looks like I've found just about everyone in one day – the Karakura gang, some Soul Reapers, even my Hollow Jim xD Now I just need to find the Visoreds and the other Soul Reapers. As usual, I'm always open for any predictions my fans have. Who knows? Your prediction could become an actual event in the story~!_

_Enjoy the rest of the story~!_

_~Infernal Blossom_

Yes, I'd done it! I'd found almost everyone I was looking for, including Jim the Hollow! This day just kept getting better and better. Now all I had to do was get to it. I picked up my pace, still shouting Jim's name. Yeah, I know it wouldn't know I was calling it, but what the hell? I gave the Hollow a name, whether it liked it or not.

And then I heard the shouting behind me. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Get back here!" How did I know that Ichigo would be the first to say something? Instinct, maybe. I turned back to him to tell him off.

"Oh, just getting some ice cream," I replied sarcatically. "What's it look like I'm doing? I'm going to cut me up a Hollow!" He gave me another WTF face. Damn, I'm gonna have to start taking count.

Okay, pause from the story for a second. Do me a favor, my readers, and keep count of how many times Carrot Top decides to give me a WTF face. You know what? I'll even provide an Ichigo WTF face counter for you. How's that sound? Good? Alright! Now, back to the story.

Ichigo WTF face counter: 3.

His WTF face only grew deeper. Why? I dunno. And it wasn't just his face. I realized that the Soul Reapers had the same face on. Yeah, I wasn't gonna hold a counter for all of them, too. "Hey, what are you all looking at me like that for?" I asked. No answer. "Well?"

"Uhh..." Renji raised a hand to answer, "Well, you're kind of...walking on air." Walking on air? The hell was he talking about?

"What do you mean, walking on air? You need reiatsu to do that, I don't have any!" They still kept the same face...except Toshiro. His face was growing more pissed off, the way it did when either something was WAY off or he was having a hard time defeating an enemy. And as far as I knew, Jim's posse was a piece of cake. So it could only be the first one. But what could be way off? I mean, I was only a human running toward a Hollow named Jim so I could slice him up!

...Okay, maybe it DID sound a little off, but still. "Maybe if you looked down, you'd see what I mean," he added. What was the red pineapple blabbering about now? Look down? At what, the ground?

"Why should I look down?" It was pointless to do that, but I would to prove he was wrong. "Fine, fine. I'll do it, but only to show you that-"

Ho shit. Renji was right. Somehow, just like Shinji when he pulled Hiyori away from Chad and Orihime, I was running on air. And not only a few inches. I was literally at the same level as the rooves of some of the surrounding buildings. Yep, my fear of heights was gonna kick in in 3...2...1... "HOMAIGAWD!" I yelled that at least six more times while flapping my arms wildly. "HOW'D I GET UP HERE? SOMEONE GET ME DOWN! I HATE BEING UP THIS HIGH! SOMEONE GET ME DOWN NOW!" And then I got my wish. Well, sort of. I lost my balance and started falling down. Yup, you heard correctly. I was falling several stories straight down, and fast.

Lucky for me the Soul Reapers were close by, or else I would've been splattered all over the floor. And who else would save me besides Carrot Top? I didn't see him move – maybe he'd decided to shunpo – but next thing I knew, Ichigo's arm was wrapped around my waist and he was pulling me back up to the rest of the group. "Thanks." He just rolled his eyes at me. I swear, if he hadn't just saved me from becoming a mashed potato, I would've punched him in the teeth.

Ichigo kept his hand around my waist as we continued on. If that didn't make it awkward enough, the silence that followed the rest of the way to the Garganta made it so much worse. I hoped that someone would say something. "So...do you think the Hollows are under Aizen's orders?" Whoops. They almost tripped when I said that. Yeah, I don't think I was getting an answer from them. "...Or maybe one of the Espada sent them?" Same reaction, except Renji actually tripped. I couldn't resist laughing. "Dude, relax!" He gave me the suspicious eye as he got back on his feet. Then there was dead silence again. Great.

At this point, I was really starting to get bored out of my mind. Nobody would answer any of my questions. What the hell? I had the right to an answer! Oh well. I'd get them to say something eventually. "Did you hear what I said?" I suddenly heard Toshiro's voice ask me.

"Huh? What?" Again Ichigo rolled his eyes at my obliviousness. He was really getting on my nerves. "Sorry, I'm a bit oblivious. What did you say, Toshiro?"

I could've sworn I heard him growl at me. "First off," he started, "that's Captain Hitsugaya to you." How did I know he'd say that? "Secondly, how do you know all this information? You seem more than an average human."

Crap. I'd forgotten about that. "Oh...that." How was I going to explain this to the group. "Well, you see...uhh...It's funny you should mention that, because..." Aw damn. I was in deep shit now. But my ass would be saved yet again, this time by none other than Jim! Yes! My buddy came to rescue me from an interrogation!

Wait a minute. We were at the Garganta already? Damn, that was quick! And right in front of us was the tarantula-squid hybrid. "Hey, Jim! What's up buddy?" Everyone immediately turned their stares onto me, like I was insane or something.

If Jim had eyebrows, he probably would've raised one. **"Well, you're certainly an odd one,"** he said to me. And Ichigo, being on a roll today, made yet another WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 4. **"You possess a lot of reiatsu for a human. It feels...delicious."** Okay, now Jim didn't seem so great.

Carrot Top pulled me away from Jim while the other Soul Reapers went on to get rid of him and his posse. He brought me over to a rooftop not far from the battle. "I'm only gonna say this once, so you'd better listen." Well he really loved to get to the point. "When I leave you here to get rid of Tim-"

"Jim," I corrected Carrotp Top.

"Whatever! You'd better stay put. And I mean it!"

I just flapped my hand at him. "Yeah, yeah. Don't get your panties in a bunch." He gave me what he considered a death glare before leaving me to wait for him. Now I was bored. I mean, REALLY bored. And I already got bored easily to begin with. Hmm...what to do...I was in the same situation as right before Fred popped out of my television. Looking up at the Garganta, I came to a sudden realization. I'd never drawn a picture of Hollows coming out of a Garganta before. This was a perfect opportunity to do just that. I zipped open my bookbag and got out my drawing gear: my colored pencils, my eraser and my trusty lead pencil. All I needed now was my Bleach sketchbook. I reached into my bookbag to pull it out...

Except it wasn't there. Dammit, I must've left it at Kisuke's place. Now where was I supposed to draw this epic picture? Well, I still had that new sketchbook. Why not test it out? There, problem solved. I pulled out the awesomely fiery-covered sketchbook. All the pages were so white and clean, and the perfect thickness. It's like the drawing gods bestowed a gift on me. Okay, maybe that was a LITTLE too obsessive. But still, it was something close to that. I began sketching out what I saw in front of me: a whole crap load of Hollows pouring out of it as if they were mice escaping from the sewers. Ew. Only ten minutes passed and I was finished drawing out the entire scene, Soul Reapers included. And speaking of the not-so Grim Reapers, they looked like they were having a hard time defeating Jim. Really? The four of them couldn't defeat a giant tarantula-squid Hollow hybrid? Wow.

"Hey, Ichigo," I called to Carrot Top. "I know you're 'busy', but come here. I wanna show you my drawing. He gave me his you've-gotta-be-joking face, remaining where he was for a second before reluctantly leaving his comrades to finish the job so he could see my pretty picture.

The moment he arrived and looked over my shoulder at the picture was when I noticed that I'd messed up on some parts of it. Jim's mask was a bit too big. My inner artist's perfectionist was getting to me. "Hold on a second." I sighed and erased his mask completely, grumbling on how I'd messed up. I flipped my pencil around to start over again when I heard Renji yell out. And he sounded a bit confused.

"What the hell?" I turned my attention to see he was 'what the helling' at. Then it was my turn to 'what the hell'. Jim's head was suddenly...gone. And by gone, I literally mean that it was no longer attached to its body, or even existing for that matter. His body was beginning to fade, too, obviously since his head was gone. It looked as if Jim's head had suddenly been erased from his body-

Hokai, backtrack for a sec. At about the SAME exact time that I erased Jim's head from the drawing, his actual head vanished. So to make things simple...I had erased Jim's real head. I killed him. That was freaky on so many levels. Anyway, I looked back to see Ichigo with yet another WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 5. Wow, he was on a roll today. "Y-y-you..." he stammered, "you just destroyed that Hollow!" The rest of the group quickly came over to me, surrounding me like an obsessed fanclub.

"What? I didn't destroy that Hollow!" I lied...and it didn't look like they were buying my lies anymore. "All I did was try to fix a picture I drew!" My eyes wandered back down to the drawing, and I realized that I'd made the Garganta too big too. "God dammit!" Again, I turned the pencil around and erased most of the picture – which consisted of the Garganta and the lesser Hollows pouring out of it. And just like before, they all vanished from reality. Now everyone came even closer to me. I was starting to feel claustrophobic. "Hey HEY! Give me some space!"

"What makes you think you deserve any personal space?" I heard Toshiro ask me in his usual annoyed tone. Great, this is just what I needed: for the frozen midget to piss me off. "You just destroyed an entire Hollow army with nothing but a paper and pencil. You knew who were were before meeting us. You know all of our powers. More importantly, you know about Aizen AND you were walking on air. You're no ordinary human." He crossed his arms, glaring at me. For once, I felt small in front of someone shorter than me. "It's time you explained how you know all this information. And I warn you-" He suddenly unsheathed Hyorinmaru and held the tip of its blade to my neck- "You'd better tell us EVERYTHING."

Crap. I knew this would happen sooner or later. "Well, uh...you see...where should I begin?" I started to nervously twirling my hair with my fingers, afraid that whatever I said would result in my head being lopped off and put on a stake to sacrifice to the Soul King. Then, me being me, I started daydreaming about what the Soul Society looked like in person. I know what you're thinking. How could I suddenly start daydreaming when I'm in the middle of an interrogation and there's a razor sharp katana being held at my neck? I'm just as surprised as you are. My mind tends to wnder off like that. I don't know why. Anyway, I tried to imagine what walking through the streets of the Seireitei would be like. As I did this, a thought came to mind. "Before I answer your question, I've got one for you."

"Alright. What is it? And you'd better not ask something stupid."

"Relax, Toshiro." I heard him growl. "It's far from a stupid question." I took a breath and looked him straight in his turquoise eyes. "Are there any brothels in the Soul Society?"


	6. Starrk is Lazy

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. I belong to myself, obviously. See my __**deviantART**__ page for any mentioned OCs._

_So let's recap: I destroyed a Hollow? Using only my badass drawing skills? Hokai, it seems to make a little sense xD How could've it happened, though?_

_Uh oh, looks like I pissed Toshiro off. But luckily I got to ask him that very important question before the chapter ended. No, it couldn't wait until the next chapter xD_

_More adventure and WTF faces ahead!_

_~Infernal Blossom_

Alright, someone needed to give me an answer. I mean, was the question THAT complicated and confusing? And they think they're smart. Pssh. "Uh, hello?" I snapped my fingers in front of them to knock them out of their trance. "Anyone alive in there?" Wow, a corny joke that was somewhat funny. I couldn't stop myself from giggling.

...But I should've controlled my urge. _That's what she said-_ Dammit, perverted thoughts! Another thing I'd have to get under control. Luckily I did, just in time to notice Hyorinmaru about to skewer me. I quickly rolled out of the way before the icy blade could turn me into a shish kebab. Once I'd escaped the cut of his sword, I looked down to find that the tip of the blade was just centimeters away from my leg. "Holy crap!" I scowled at Toshiro and reached for the hilt of my own sword. "What the hell's your problem, Toshiro? I only asked a question!"

"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you! And I told you not to ask a stupid one!" he yelled back, swiping Hyorinmaru at me again. He once more forced me to roll backwards, closer to the edge of the building. "Stop playing games with us! Tell us how you know all this information before I'm forced to cut you down on the spot!" No way. Toshiro wouldn't really slice me up and serve me on a silver platter...would he?

Apparently he would, because the frozen midget swung at me again. I was able to parry his attack with my own sword and sweep kick him. I quickly grabbed my stuff and made a run for it as he fell. Woot, I was almost home free! Just a few more steps and I'd be free-

"Sit upon the frozen heavens, Hyorinmaru!" Yeah, I WOULD'VE been free if Toshiro hadn't decided to go shikai on me and wrap Hyorinmaru's chain tail around my leg. He started to pull me back toward him. It sounded so much like an innuendo, but now wasn't the time for perverted thoughts. I had to get the hell out of here, and fast. But how was I supposed to do that?

Hold the phone. How could I forget about my magical sketchbook? I quickly pulled it out and thought of something, ANYTHING, that could free me from the wrath of the frozen midget. It only took me a few seconds to sketch out the perfect defense for this type of situation: my original Bleach character, Kuzeni Harato, in the shikai state of her metal-based zanpakuto, Shainingu Hagane. Once I made the last sketch line, a silver pillar of light blasted off of the paper. Toshiro ceased pulling me in and, along with the others, watched as my blond Soul Reaper stepped out of the pillar. "Everyone," I started, "I'd like you to meet my own Soul Reaper, Kuzeni Harato. Ironically, Toshiro, she's third seat in your squad."

Kuzeni looked down at the chain around my ankle and stabbed her zanpakuto into it. "Naibuteki Kujo." Sweet, her Internal Destruction attack! Shainingu Hagane's blade shortened a little as the tip broke down and seeped into the ground. As soon as the liquid metal had vanished, it reformed into several sharp spikes and broke Hyorinmaru's chain. The blade reformed and Kuzeni looked back at me, shooting me a smirk. "You own me for this one, Jo."I smirked back as she turned into metallic dust and flowed back into my sketchbook, returning to my inner universe.

Okay, that was pure awesomeness. I just got to see one of my original characters pull off one of her best moves in person! How often does this happen to anyone? I would've continued to praise my imagination, but Mr. Icicle was coming after me again. I could hear the anger rising in his voice. "I gave you one last chance to stop fooling around, but I guess we're going to have to do this the hard way..." No! Not another innuendo! This is way too many for just six chapters of my story! I took a deep breath to calm myself down and come up with another plan for my escape. Again, I went to my magical sketchbook. "And if you think you're going to try and escape again-"

"If I THINK I'm going to escape? Pfft!" I wasn't even paying any attention to what I was drawing in the book. "Dude, if you haven't realized this yet, let me help you out. I'm an artist with a magic sketchbook and a VERY active imagination." He raised an eyebrow at me, showing that he had no clue where I was going with this. "That means that you're basically screwed with catching me." I stuck my tongue out at the Soul Reapers and finished whatever escape I drew – which I still had no clue about. I heard the escape forming behind me. The Soul Reapers' eyes widened, and if I'm not mistaken, I think Carrot Top made a WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 6. "So long, peeps! I'm out of here!" And with that, I backed into whatever escape I'd created...

The escape seemed like a good idea at first, but it turned out to be terrible. I ended up in some dark space that had another shit load of Hollows. Wait a minute. Dark space? Hollows? A load of shit? Oh crap. Don't tell me...no way... It couldn't be. There's no way I could've mistakenly drawn a second Garganta, absolutely no way! Unfortunately, I'd have to wait until I got to my destination to find out just where the hell I'd drawn myself to escape to.

And I finally did. Man, those ten seconds felt like six hours. The pathway opened up and a new place was revealed. Where that place was...I wasn't too sure yet, seeing as how I fell face first. Ooh, somebody was gonna have to be my punching bag so I could get rid of my anger. But who? I'd have to decide that later. Right now, I had to get this dust outta my ears-

Wai wai woah woah woah. WHAT? Dust in my ears? How the hell did I get dust in my ears? I tried looking around to find out how, but I only got more frustrated when I realized that I couldn't see anything around me. Great, this was just great. Now I had to resort to feeling around to figure out where I was. And I think I just felt a bunch of clothing. And a wall, too. Weird. It was almost like I was in a closet. A very dirty closet. Okay, whoever's closet this was is such a pig.

Then I heard some voices. Hey, I recognized these voices. Now I just needed to confirm my guesses. I felt around until I found the doorknob and opened the door just a crack so I could take a peak. Brown hair and gray eyes...yup, Starrk. And punching him to wake him up was his light green haired other half, Lilynette. Well, looks like I found the pigs.

Alright, backtrack. Starrk and Lilynette? REALLY? But that could only mean one thing, and I was far from believing it. There's no way in hell that I could've landed in Las Noches – and in the room of the first Espada, too! Homaigawd! I can't believe I unknowingly drew a Garganta and travelled through it, and THEN ended up in Starrk and Lilynette's closet! I mean, I know I wanted to escape from the frozen midget and all, but I didn't mean like this! This was both hilarious and creepy. I'm so glad I hadn't landed in Nnoitra or Szayel's closets. THAT would've been a lot worse. But now I had to figure out what to do. I was stuck in the primera Esapda's closet, which meant I was in the same building as Aizen.

Holy crackers. I was in the same building as Aizen. Sosuke Aizen. Senor Bitch Curl. The assumed god. Superman. Mullet Man numero three. Mr. Mutated Butterfly. I instantly imagined what would happen if he caught sight of me, and I felt a really bad shiver go down my spine. Just that one factor proved that I needed to open my sketchbook and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! Using what little light I could get from the opening, I quickly drew a smaller Garganta so I could get away from the Superman wanabee as fast as possible. The moment it opened up – and it made a noise, so much for stealthiness – I heard Lilynette speak. "What was that noise?" Oh crap oh crap oh crap! I had to get out of here before she found me! Before anyone could say bankai I was out of there.

...Except once again, I didn't figure out WHERE the Garganta would lead to. God dammit, why did I keep doing this? Ah well. Guess I'd just have to wait and find out where I'd end up this time. The Garganta opened again, and for the second time I ended up inside a closet. What the hell, man? Was my sketchbook wired to all the closets in the Bleach universe or something? Or maybe it was just me. Either way, I'd have to learn to control my new best friend. The I heard another voice. Another one I recognized, but this one was good...sort of. "Dammit, I can't believe that girl!" Oh boy, it was the strawberry. It could only mean one thing: I was inside Ichigo's closet. And that was proven when he opened the door and looked right down at me, giving me a WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 7. "The hell are you doing in my closet?" he asked me, all wide eyed. "Wait a minute, how'd you even get in here? I didn't hear my father say anything about you."

"I...don't really know," I replied. "I mean, one minute I was a closet inside the first Espada's room, and the next thing I know-"

Ichigo then decided to interrupt me. "Wait a minute. The first Espada? As in Las Noches?" Aw crap, I dunnit again. I nodded, not caring at this point whether or not I'd be decapitated because of all this. "God dammit..." he muttered. "Do I have to handcuff your wrist to mine so you'll stay put? Toshiro was only overreacting because you destroyed a freakin' Hollow!" He sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead. "What am I gonna do with you?" Even with Carrot Top standing in front of me, I tried sneaking out of his closet. Of course, he knew I'd try to do that and caught me by my shirt collar. "Not so fast, short stack. I'm not letting you out of my sight anymore."

"But Itsygo," I started whining like Neliel in her child form, "I gotta get my other sketchbook back from Kisuke's house! I gotta redraw that Garganta scene in it or else I'll forget!" He just 'tched' at me and crossed his arms.

"The answer's no. We can go get it tomorrow, but for now you're not leaving this house!"

Not leaving his house, huh? "Really..." A smirk formed on my face. "Then I guess you wouldn't mind if I introduced myself to your father and sisters?" Yup, that made him snap.

His jaw immediately dropped to the floor. All I could do was laugh. "What the- No, you're NOT meeting my family! I already draw enough attention to them with Rangiku lingering around. I'm not making it any worse for myself!" I put on the puppy eyes, but he still wouldn't budge. "That's my final answer!"

"Then what am I supposed to do if I get hungry?" I argued back. "Because I'm not gonna be like Rukia when you first met her and live in your closet. I hate small spaces like that! And if I'm correct, I can't even stay at Kisuke's because Renji's mooching off of him!" Now it kind of looked like I was losing him a bit, so I just stopped. "Fine. You know what? I'll listen to you for once and stay put." I grumbled as I grabbed my backpack and flopped onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. Man, I was so bored. And with Ichigo babysitting me now, I'd be even more bored.

Then I heard a voice that I'd been expecting to hear in Ichigo's room for a while. "Ichigo! Where's Rukia? How come she isn't with you, huh? I wanna see Rukia!" Yup, that was Kon alright. Carrot Top shut him up with a foot to the face, and the stuffed animal fell to the ground. "Ow! That hurt, you know." When Kon stood up, his button eyes fell on me. His face lit up instantly...hopefully NOT from some preverted thought. "Hey, who's this? Your girlfriend-"

"She's NOT my girlfriend!" Ichigo yelled, squishing the possessed stuffed animal beneath his foot. "God, why does everyone think that?"

The night just got better when the door to his room bursted open, and Iishin stormed in. Of course, Yuzu and Karin had followed right behind him. "What's this about my son having a girlfriend?" he blurted out. Then, as expected from Ichigo's father, he ran forward and jumped up, delivering a 'Dynamic Entry' style kick...to the wall, since Ichigo just ducked. His younger twin sisters and I winced as we watched their father make hard contact with the wall. And then I started laughing. You gotta admit, no matter how many times you'd see that, it was still funny. Iishin stood back on his feet and dusted himself off. He caught sight of me, and like Kon, his face lit up. "So, Ichigo, you've finally fallen in love. It's about time! I was starting to wonder if you were gonna come out of the closet on me." He burst out laughing as Ichigo almost made a WTF face. ALMOST, so it doesn't bring up the counter, people. The black haired man then came up to me and hugged me tight, sort of swinging me around like a rag doll. I think he literally turned me into a Space Bag and squeezed all the air out of my tiny body. Once free, I got another big hug from Yuzu. To be honest, I've always kinda wondered what it would feel like to be hugged by Yuzu. She was so sweet and kind, like the little sister I'd wanted, instead of the demon that resides next to my room and is so evil that she made the devil her bitch. But anyway, yeah. I got hugged by Yuzu, turned into a Space Bag by Iishin and given what I hoped was the approving stare by Karin. And the whole time, Ichigo held the same face.

Finally, after about a half hour of more questions and a nice dinner cooked by Yuzu, Iishin and the twins left me alone. As expected, I was invited to stay for as long as I liked. Ichigo objected, but his father and light brown haired sister begged for me to stay. He gave in after a few seconds. So I now had an actual place to live in the Bleach universe. Sweet.

As I got ready to go to sleep, I thought about if this was all really a dream, or if it was the real deal. I shook it off my mind and, since I didn't have any pajamas of my own here, I used my magic sketchbook to create some. I washed off my face in the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Clean as a whistle. And if I found any unwanted blemishes on my skin, I could just erase them. I went to turn off the light and head on into Ichigo's room-

Correction, WAS ABOUT to turn off the light, but then I noticed something. I looked into the mirror again and found out what was wrong. My flower was gone. The big fiery orange flower of epicness that I always wore in my hair in the form of my deviantART ID – since that's the form I'd taken in the Bleach world – it wasn't there! Where could it have gone. I ran back to Ichigo's room and zipped open my backpack, frantically digging through everything I had in there. My iPod, my other sketchbooks – excluding the Bleach one – my pencil case, my jade bracelet, my eraser, my headphones, my iPod cord, my notebook... "Oh no..."

Ichigo came into the room and saw all the stuff I'd pulled out of the backpack. "Don't tell me you had all the crap in there the entire time," he commented. He then saw the look on my face. "Jo, what's wrong? You look really horrified."

"When I disappeared into the Garganta earlier today, did you see a big orange flower on the rooftop?"

"You mean the one you wear in your hair?" Wow, he actually paid attention to it. "No, that went with you. Why, did you lose it or something?" Oh. FUCK. I slowly nodded to answer him. My breathing started to become rapid. Carrot Top put a hand on my shoulder. "Woah woah, relax. It's not like you can't draw yourself another one." I looked up at him and flicked him in the nose. "Ow! The hell was that for?"

"This is bad!" I started, standing up to pace the floor. "This is REALLY bad!" I faced Ichigo and got ready to explain everything. "When I came out of the first Garganta after ditching you before, I landed inside a closet in Las Noches. I think my flower might still be in that closet."

"Okay, so what's the big deal?" I flicked his nose again.

"The big deal, stupid, is that Aizen could find it!"


	7. Keigo is Perverted

**Author's Note:**_** Bleach**__ and all its character belong to Tite Kubo. I obviously belong to myself. See my __**deviantART**__ page for mentioned OCs._

_Wow, what a journey I went on. I ended up going from a rooftop to Hueco Mundo and Ichigo's house in one shot! And all because my sketchbook is wired to all the closets in the Bleach universe xD_

_I still can't believe how many innuendo are appearing in this story. Ah well, more to come._

_~Infernal Blossom_

I continued pacing the floor, still in my freak out state. I swear, I hadn't felt this paranoid since...well... Damn, I don't think I was ever this paranoid. Lemme scan my memory for a second. ...Nope, never. Hokai. Now that that's settled, let's continue with my freak out session.

"Oh damn. Ohhhh damn," I said over and over again. "If I'd have known THIS would happen if I came to the Bleach world, I would've had second thoughts..."

I must've looked stranger than usual to Ichigo. I could care less at this point. Right now, all I cared about was getting my defining feature back before the butterfly from hell found it. Yeah, sounds simple, right? I just hoped it was- "Hello!" My mind returned to the Bleach world when I suddenly realized that Itsygo was snapping his fingers in my face. "Don't tell me you blacked out again," he complained. I nodded, which made him return a heavy sigh.

I crossed my arms and gave him the 'You should be used to this by now' look, and he just rolled his eyes at me. "What? You've known me long enough to be used to my bad habits!" He gave me a WTF face. Ichig WTF face counter: 8.

"The hell are you talking about? I haven't even known you for more than a day!" Then Ichigo did something...not Ichigo-like. For some reason, he decided to move in closer toward my face. Ha, he had to bend down. _That's what she said._ God dammit, not again! Anyway, like I said, he came in real close for some unknown reason. It felt really awkward with him staring at me like that, but I was prepared with badass white belt tae kwon do moves if he were to try anything funny – which he most likely wouldn't. "Which reminds me...are you even a teenager? How old are you?"

Oh no. He did NOT just ask me that! Great, it was that time again. This would DEFINITELY give him a WTF face. No. No, I couldn't force the counter to go up more than once per chapter. I already passed the limit in chapters five and six! But I knew there would be no avoiding the question. I took a breath and looked him straight in the eye. "I'm seventeen."

Carrot Top stared silently at me for a second before speaking again. "No, really. How old are you?" he asked again. What the crap? I KNEW this was going to happen! This happens all the time! I'm seventeen years old, yet I look like I'm twelve, fourteen at the most. This was the one thing I really hated about myself.

...Well, there was ONE upside. At least my problem with age wasn't as bad as Toshiro's. I mean, really. He's hundreds of years old and looks like he belongs in elementary school, maybe middle school if he's lucky. I kept my eyes on Ichigo and answered him again. "I told you, I'm seventeen."

"...No, really. How old are you?" I smacked him upside the head and knocked him into the wall. "Ouch! What's with all this abuse from you?"

"I told you twice already, Strawberry Boy. I'm seventeen years old. One-seven! You know, the number that comes AFTER sixteen?" In return to me whacking him, Ichigo punched me in the head. "Ow!" Great. Not only was I missing my flower and having age problems, but now I had an annoying anime bump on my head. Whoopdee flippin' do. At least he didn't make a WTF face.

"Okay, so you're older than me. But you don't look it. You're just like Rukia and Toshiro." I guess a bell rang in his head, because it looked like he'd just remembered something. "Speaking of him, he wants to speak with you first thing tomorrow-"

"AWWWWWWWWWWWW!" I flopped onto Ichigo's bed and pouted. "Why does he wanna 'speak to me'?" I asked, using my air quotes to add emphasis. "I bet all he wants to do is go all Slice-n'-Dice on me. And for all I know, he's getting all the other Soul Reapers on his side, too." I crossed my arms and sighed heavily. I didn't want to have to face the frozen midget again. Honestly, I'm amazed I've been able to stand his presence thus far.

Ichigo sat down next to me and stared at the wall. "Hey, it's not my fault. You're the one that knows all this stuff about everything." He paused for a second and turned to me. "You know, I could try and help you out if you told me how you knew all this stuff about us. Then maybe if the others understand, they could try and get your flower back for you."

Hold on. Was THE Ichigo Kurosaki offering to help me? Wow. That was unexpected. Did some OOCness sneak into the Bleach world through that TV portal when I went through it? God, I hope not. I couldn't imagine my Grimmy being even a LITTLE OOC. No, it didn't suit him at all to be, you know, understanding. "Okay, I'll explain it to you AGAIN. But I have two conditions."

"Okay. What are they?"

A smile began to make its way on my face. "First off, you have to take me back to Kisuke's place so I could get my sketchbook and his autograph." He raised an eyebrow at me when I mentioned the autograph. "What? It's very important that I ger his autograph!" He nodded and gestured for me to continue on. Second, I want you to take me to the Visoreds' hideout so I can draw a group picture of them."

Alright, NOW he put on a WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 9. "The Visoreds? Why do you need to draw a group picture of them?"

"I'll explain that in a bit. Now, do we have a deal?" I held out my hand for him to shake, and he surprisingly did. "Good. Now that that's settled, I can begin my story. You may want to grab a snakc before I start, though, because this is gonna be long." He shook his head at me, which was my cue to start. I took a deep breath and began to tell him about how this all started, back to when I first watched Bleach. I even told him about my Bleach fanfictions and original characters, and how he and the others interacted with them. Ichigo didn't interrupt me once; another surprise for me. Talking to him through most of the night was actually a bit fun. Not in a fangirl way – blech, I was far from an Ichigo fangirl – but in a brother-sister like way. Yup, Ichigo was officially the big-little brother I'd never wanted.

Morning came too quickly. I was so tired. Maybe I shouldn't of stayed up so late playing video games and surfing the web on Ichigo's computer. Which reminds me: Bleach fans, the Internet and video games in the Bleach universe is very similar to that of the real world. The only difference is that the real world is a manga/anime over there, and a very popular one, I might add. Anyway, Yuzu's breakfast was delicious. I ended up scarfing down about three bowls of rice and eggs, all while everyone at the table stared at me. I knew why they stared. I eat a lot, yet I'm always so tiny. Why? I dunno, maybe my stomach is connected to the void of the universe of something. So yeah, breakfast was awesome. Since I didn't really have anything of my own here, I drew my own toothbrush and school uniform. I tried to get away with wearing pants, but Ichigo forced me to draw a skirt and wear it. Maybe I should draw him in a skirt while he's in school. I had also drawn myself a new flower, since I couldn't go anywhere without my signature feature.

The walk to school was a little awkward. I was constantly fidgeting with my skirt because it felt weird. That, and I could've sworn that Rukia was giving me the suspicious eye. Why was she looking at me like that. I hadn't done anything wrong to her! ...Oh yeah, it was because of my 'superior knowledge'. Carrot Top must have filled her in when I was packing my stuff into my bookbag. I hope she wouldn't try to kill me. Things only got more awkward once we arrived at Karakura High. I felt like everyone was staring at me with every step I took down the hallway. And if I wasn't mistaken, a group of guys winked and whistled at me. Creepy.

We finally reached Ichigo's classroom. And might I say, it was very similar to my high school. Except, of course, for the fact that the lockers were in the hallway. Carrot Top and Rukia walked right inside, but I stayed in the doorway. They stopped and turned to look at me. "Is something wrong?" I pointed over to the far corner of the class, where the Soul Reapers were gathered. And it looked like the Karakura gang was joining them, too. "Come on. It won't be so bad," Rukia reassured me. But her reassurance wouldn't be enough to convince me to stay. I tried to sneak out of the class while I still could.

Unfortunately for me, the teacher caught wind of my arrival and spotted me right away. "And where do you think you're going, young lady?" Shit. I slowly turned around and saw that she had a smile on her face. That, and her loud voice had captured the attention of the rest of the class. The teacher walked up to me and lead me into the classroom. "Everyone, we have a new student in the class." No! She was gonna embarrass me in front of everyone with the classic 'new student introduction'! And there was no way for me to escape! "Please give a warm welcome to miss Jo Weizu." Everyone's eyes immediately fell on me. I gave them all a small wave, feeling like I'd been thrown in the wolves' den. "Pick any seat you'd like. I hope you enjoy your time here, Jo." I glanced around the class and watched as all the students took their seats. I spotted Toshiro giving me the evil eye, as expected. Then I saw Keigo waving behind him like a crazed fanboy or something. Guess the only way to stop him was to sit next to him. I did just that, and boy did he smile when I did. As I went to sit down, I realized that I was also taking a seat next to Shinji. He gave me his creepy pervert-like smile, which honestly scared me a bit.

"You're the girl that Ichigo chased down yesterday," Keigo whispered to me during class. "Are you sure you're not his girlfriend?" Ugh, AGAIN with this? ...Well, I guess it did seem to fit, seeing as how he hung around me all the time and that I now lived with him. Oh well, guess there was no escaping this fate.

The rest of the school day wasn't so bad...except, of course, for Keigo trying to look up my skirt during lunch. Yeah, that earned him a nice black eye. I'd have to remember to create an anti-Keigo-and-Toshiro barrier around me and my stuff. Since there were 'normal people' around Toshiro couldn't try to interrogate me again, which was good. My freedom, however, didn't last long. School ended, which meant it was time for the frozen midget to throw questions at me. And there was no way for me to avoid it, thanks to Carrot Top's babysitting. Our entire group – as in Chad, Uryu, Orihime, Shinji, the Soul Reapers, Ichigo and I – went straight to Kisuke's place as soon as school let out. Shinji didn't know of my 'advanced knowledge' yet, so he was gonna get a surprise. I would've ran straight there and locked door, but Itsygo had me, well...restrained. With everyone already believing that I was his girlfriend, the one way he could think of 'restraining' me was holding my hand. See, if it were Grimmjow, I wouldn't have a problem. But Ichigo just wasn't my bowl of cereal. And I could've sworn I heard Orihime quietly fuming beside me. I'd have to apologize to her later.

...Yeah, I said cereal. What's your point? I don't really drink tea! So like I was saying, Kisuke opened the door when Ichigo knocked. "You're back, I see," he said to Carrot Top as he peered around him. I was the only one actually seeming polite, while everyone else kept a serious demeanor. Ichigo didn't even have to say anything to let Sir Hat-n'-Clogs what was going on. "Just make sure you don't totally destroy my basement." Ichigo nodded and 'lead' me inside, not stopping until we were all down in Kisuke's training area. He didn't even give me a chance to let me get my sketchbook! How rude! And unfortunately for me, my awesome hatted buddy hadn't come down with us. Okay, forget what I said about the teacher earlier. NOW I'd been thrown to the wolves.

"So do you mind telling me why you invited me here, Ichigo?" Shinji asked, finally breaking the long awkward silence. "I'm assuming it's something big, seeing as how your little club is with us. And why'd you bring your girlfriend?"

Carrot Top sat down next to me and crossed his arms, sighing heavily. "For the last time, she's NOT my girlfriend!" His face turned serious once that 'important matter' was settled. "Jo here knows things about us and our world. A LOT." He emphasized it to make sure Shinj understood what was going on. "And now she's going to tell us how she knows." Ichigo nudged me in the side, which meant it was time for me to talk. I just hoped I wouldn't fry their brains, because they don't know how much I can talk...not yet, anyway.


	8. Toshiro is Mean

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. I belong to myself, of course. See my __**deviantART**__ page for mentioned OCs._

_Yay, I has a brother now! Ichi-nii, the big-little brother I never wanted~ Now I can use him to do all the crap I don't wanna xD_

_And the thing about my age is true. I look about fourteen, but I'm really seventeen. Ah, the curse of youth xD_

_Let us carry on with the WTFing!_

_~Infernal Blossom_

Well, there was no turning back now. This was probably one of the most important moments of my life now. Yes, maybe even MORE important that that damned SAT. Maybe I should make the cast of Bleach take it. You know, use it as a way to settle the war instead of bloodshed-

...Wait, what the hell am I thinking? NO bloodshed? Aw, hell no! You know what? Screw giving them the SAT! Make 'em settle this with blood! Ah, this was bringing picures from the latest Bleach manga into my head. So much blood!

"Hey! Short stack!" I suddenly heard the sound of fingers snapping and an annoying voice right next to my ear. "Are you awake?" Ichigo poked the side of my head, and continued to poke me until I smacked his hand away.

"Yeah, yeah. I hear ya. I just spaced out again, is all." Everyone around me groaned. "What? It's not like I choose when this happens!" Nobody was giving me any support! This was just great! "Fine, fine, I'll get on with the story already. Sheesh!" But wait. I couldn't start my story without my Bleach sketchbook, and it was upstairs. "Hey, Itsygo."

"Huh? What is it?"

I took out my magic sketchbook from my bookbag and began to draw some sort of portal. Once the sketch was finished, I wrote 'Kisuke's Shop: Upper Floor, near Bleach Sketchbook' next to it and drew an arrow, indicating that was the location where I wanted the portal to end up in. "Do me a favor, and reach your hand in here for me. If I'm correct, I've finally learned how to control where this book lands me."

Ichigo looked at me as if I were crazy – which I am not; the correct term is insane. "Uh, alright." He reached his hand toward the picture I'd drawn, and then into the portal. He fidgeted around for a few seconds before pulling his arm back in, along with my Bleach sketchbook. "Woah!" Ichigo handed me my precious book. "How'd you figure it out?" he asked, still looking a bit confizzled. I'd have to give him a lemon later.

"Well after you passed out last night, I got kind of bored. So I decided to give my sketchbook a test drill. It took me a while to figure out that in order to control where a portal that I draw leads to, I need to add a caption along with it. It worked almost every single time, except for the last three."

"Why didn't it work?" I heard Rukia ask. Huh, guess she wasn't mad at me.

"When I drew a portal, I added a caption that said 'Home'. I stepped through it and landed in Ichigo's closet. I tried it two more times, this time writing 'The Real World' and even my full address down next to it. But again, I ended up in Ichigo's closet." I sighed heavily. "Guess I'm stuck here."

Then I heard a noise I hated to hear: the sound of a foot tapping impatiently. I didn't even have to look to know that Toshiro was the one making that noise. "If I remember correctly," he started, "Ichigo told us you were going to explain everything. Now I've been waiting paitently, yet I haven't heard a single word related to the subject. So if you don't mind, would you please tell us how you know all this?"

Well wasn't he the impatient little cockaroach. "Alright, alright. Don't get your training pants in a bunch." I heard several snickers, most likely from Renji and Rangiku. Toshiro just kept his arms crossed, glaring at me. I took a deep breath and got ready to explain my situation.

"I'm from New York City. As in, the United States. The REAL world. Now, in my world, this world here-" I moved my arms and circled around to signify everything around me- "only exists in a manga and anime called Bleach. It's a very popular one, and it has a lot of fan. Now I happen to be a big fan, so I made sure to find out every single little fact about all its characters; AKA: you guys. I also started drawing fanart of the series, as you can see in my sketchbook." I handed the book to Ichigo, watching as everyone gathered around it to look at my awesome art. Each time someone's face lit up – excluding Toshiro – I knew they were on the page with their picture. "As you can see there, I'm a dedicated fan. I've even dressed up as Aizen for a convention one time-"

I stopped right there when I realized that everyone's eyes had fallen on me. What was it now? Oh yeah, I'd mentioned Aizen's name. "...So yeah, I'm one of the show's biggest fans. I've even learned how to draw in the style of the anime, as you can plainly see. Anyway, it was a Sunday night and I was in my room. I went to watch TV, but my cable box decided to crap out on me. So I started acting out how I would release my 'zanpakuto' and activate it's bankai-" Renji raised his hand. I knew what he was gonna ask. "No, I don't REALLY have a bankai. I was just pretending." His hand immediately went down. "Like I was saying, somehow, a Hollow ended up in my room right behind me. That's the one I named Fred. It said something about me possessing a strong reiatsu and tried to eat me. But I fought it off and next thing I know, I'm flying through a TV portal. And I'm thinking, 'What the hell?' Then I black out, yadda yadda yadda...and then I wake up outside in the middle of Karakura Town. Any questions?"

Oh mai gawd. When I looked up at them after I was finished with my explaniation, I wasnted to start up the rofl copter. All of them – even Toshiro – looked high as hell... Well, high and WTF-faced. Ichigo WTF face counter: 10. I'd warned them about my motor mouth, hadn't I?

...No? Oh. Ah well. "Uh, guys? Did I fry your brains?" They all nodded. Oh boy. This was just like I'd imagined it to be. They would eventually return to normal. "Okay, so that was my explanation on how I know everything. I'm glad we had this little chat. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find my flower." I would've just walked right out of there and hid in another closet, but Ichigo grabbed my shirt collar.

"Urahara actually believes her story," Carrot Top added. "And judging by what we all saw today, I'd say that she does have some reiatsu." Great, not this again. How many times would I have to say it to make them understand? I do NOT have any reiatsu whatsoever! God, this was starting to piss me off. "So what do you guys think?"

Everyone exchanged glances. Some had the look of confusion, others had suspicion. But one thing they all shared was concern. Shinji was the first to speak up. "...So she's not your girfriend?"

"No, she's not! Didn't I say that from the beginning?" The blond idiot thought about it for a second before shrugging and nodding.

"Does that mean I can take her out sometime?"

Ho boy. Now Shinji was going to start hitting on me. "You'd better stay away unless you want your face to match Keigo's," I told him without looking at him. From the corner of my eye, I could see Renji and Yumichika snickering and whispering 'Oh she told you' to each other. What children they were.

"I still think she's adorable!" Rangiku commented. Orihime nodded in agreement. At least I had some people on my side.

I turned my attention to Toshiro, who had his arms crossed and eyes closed. "The fact that she knows everything about this world – even things we don't know – is fact enough that she can be a possible threat to the Soul Society." Wow, was he actually talking about me like I wasn't even there? How rude. "On the same note, her powers could aid us in the war against Aizen. I think we should consult the head captain about this."

Oh no. OH NO. He did NOT just suggest that. "Of course. I'd expect you to say something like THAT." Snowball gave me the evil eye, which I'd learned to ignore by now. "Here's a suggestion for you, Toshiro. If you wanna have more authority, put on some stilts so you're over five feet tall." The classic angry vein of anime came up on his forehead and multiplied at least five times. He stood up and stormed over to me, ready to give me what for.

"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you. And for your information, LITTLE GIRL, I don't need to add anything on to my height. My power proves my authority enough." Toshiro seemed confident in his comment. But I was about to knock him down back to his height.

"Really now? So is that why you have such a long zanpakuto? To compensate for something that you're missing?" Ah, I could hear the 'Oh snap-s' and more 'Oh she told you-s'. I swear, Snowball turned into the only tomato face. "Aw, whatsa matter? I hope I didn't strike a nerve."

Renji had to hold Toshiro back, because he was flailing his arms in a fit of rage. That, and it looked like his mouth was foaming frozen bits. Two words came to mind when I saw that: slushie time! I was so close to drawing up some slushie cones and serving them to everyone, but Itsygo stopped me and slapped me upside my head. "See? THIS is why I didn't want you hanging around them!" He sighed heavily and shook his head at me.

"Okay, so I held up my end of the deal. Now you've gotta hold up yours," I told Ichigo. He sighed again, this time rubbing the back of his head. "Hey, you promised."

"Tch, fine." He went up to Shinji, having the 'I-don't-wanna-do-this' look on his face. Whether he wanted to ask Shinji or not wasn't my problem. It was part of our deal. "Hey, Jo wants to draw a group picture of you and the other Visoreds. You think you can get them to go along with it?"

A smile worked its way on Shinji's face and his eyes fell on me. Uh oh. "I can arrange that. But in exchange..." The creep, well, creeped over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "I'd like to take you out on the town and show you a good time." I felt a shiver go down my spine.

"Uhh, sure. That sounds fun." Now I was feeling sick. REALLY sick. A date with Shinji? Eww! He was even worse than Keigo. Sorry, Shinji fangirls, but he kinda creeps me out. I'd have to remember to draw an anti-Shinji barrier for my lips and anything else he'd try to make contact with on my body.

"Not so fast." Everyone turned their attention to the frozen midget, who was now pacing in front of us. "Before she does anything else, she's coming with us to the Soul Society so the head captain can examine her. We need to determine whether she's a powerful threat or asset to us."

What the hell, man? Now I have to be 'examined' as if I'm some valuable artifact? Great, just bleeping great. When I first realized I was in the Bleach world, I thought it would be the chance of a lifetime. But now I was starting to regret being here. I mean, really. This was beginning to become a total rip off. "No. No way in hell am I gonna let some frozen beansprout with a temper drag me off to the Sereitei against my will. I'd rather take a one way ticket to hell!" Rukia's eyes widened when I mentioned hell. Guess she remembered the one time in the anime that she sent a Hollow to hell.

"It seems you don't understand, human," Toshiro started as he reached for the hilt of his sword. "You don't have a choice in this anymore. From the moment you came into our world, your fate was sealed." Hyorinmaru was now unsheated and pointed at my neck. "Now, you can come quietly, or I can bring you by force."

"By force, huh?" I thought about it for a second: Toshiro wrapping Hyorinmaru's chain around my arm and pulling me through the Senkai-whatsitsname portal-thingy...or trying to. I started laughing hysterically, mostly from the perverted thoughts going through my mind. _You'll bring me by force? That's what she said._ "You're that confident, huh? Well if you really think you can do it, then go right ahead and try." I put my arms out, showing that I'd welcome him trying to drag me to the Soul Society. "But I strongly suggest that you go bankai this time, seeing how your shikai didn't work on me."

Yeah, I know, I'm an ass too.

Toshiro growled, signaling everyone to back the hell away from him. "Bankai!" The air around him started to become colder as ice began forming on his shoulders. While the ice particles grew into wings, I took out my magical sketchbook. It was time to test out my latest idea. I drew myself onto the paper – yeah, drawing didn't take very long for me anymore – and around my body, I sketched out a sort of aura around me. Just as I thought, it began to take shape around my body in reality. Next to the aura on the paper, I made a little arrow and wrote a caption: 'Anti- Toshiro, Shinji and Aizen barrier'. I quickly flipped the page and drew my magical closet-addicted sketchbook, doing the same thing to that picture. I finished just as Toshiro was flying straight for me, yelling out his semi-epic battle cry. "Daiguren Hyorinmaru!" He raised his sword above his head and swung down. Everyone covered their eyes, not wanting to see how massacred I would become...

Oh, if only they'd kept their eyes open. Snowball, being an idiot and rushing in, fell for my experimental trap. The anti-Toshiro barrier worked its magic and did just what it was meant to do. I swear, it was like watching a Windex commercial. He literally rammed right into my barrier and just stopped once he made impact. Then he literally slid down slowly to the floor. And the best part was that I actually heard the noise that happens when you make a streak on glass! Once Snowball had been grounded, I saw Shinji, Ikkaku and Carrot Top on their backs, laughing their asses off. Renji, Yumichika and Rangiku were trying so hard to not laugh. Orihime and Chad had some sort of dumbfounded looks on their faces. And Uryu...he was sighing heavily and shaking his head. "Imbicile," I heard him mutter.


	9. Shinji is Creepy

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. If it belonged to me, Aizen would be dead already. I belong to myself, obviously. See my __**deviantART**__ page for any mentioned OCs of mine._

_So yes, I've introduced the cast of Bleach to the magic of Windex xD And how awesomely hilarious it proved to be._

_But on the downside, I now have to go on a date with Shinji. Yuck. What? I like Shinji...just from a distance xD_

_So onward we go!_

_~Infernal Blossom_

Yup, just like a Windex commercial.

Toshiro sat up after he'd pulled himself off the floor. He had red marks where his face had hit and stuck onto my anti-Toshiro barrier. And man, did he look pissed. "I always knew you had a short fuse," I muttered to myself – which everyone else heard, since there were several snickers. For once, Snowball was actually the one with the WTF face instead of Ichigo.

Hokai, pause from the story again for a sec. Should I keep a WTF face counter for Toshiro too? I mean, since I got him to make one, I could probably get him to make a lot more. Hmm... I'll just let you guys decide for me? Alright? Hokai.

Continuing from where I'd left off, Snowball's eyes kept flickering from me to his zanpakuto. He did this for what I call a good while – about five seconds – and then backed up a bit. Wow, he was actually going to try getting to me a second time. Just like I predicted, Cotton Fluff lunged at me again. And like before, he smacked face first into my anti-Toshiro barrier. I must say, the second time was funnier than the first.

After peeling his face off my magical shield, Toshiro only took one step back. Why? Because apparently, he thought he could hit me if he tried just swinging at me instead of making it all epic and such. So yeah, he raised Hyorinmaru in the air and swung down. The blade bounced off the second it made impact, as expected. "What the hell?" I heard him mutter. He repeated this at least ten more times before something worthy of being put on Youtube happened. Toshiro Hitsugaya actually lost his temper completely! Now, when I say completely, here's what I mean: Snowball's face turned red, icy smoke was blowing out of his ears, and – wait for it – he started bashing his sword on the ground while yelling, "Dammit dammit dammit!" If I didn't know he was a shinigami, I would've asked him if he watched Robot Chicken.

"Woah, relax!" I told him. "We don't need you causing a blizzard down here." At this point, everyone who had been laughing couldn't take it anymore. They were all giggle-snorting and coughing their guts out, especially Renji and Rangiku. Wow, how come I was never this funny in the real world? What a rip off.

My random boredom, well, randomly started kicking in. Hmm, what should I do now? I paced around a little, trying to come up with an idea. Then it hit me. Almost like...like Cotton Fluff hitting my anti-Toshiro barrier. I sat back down and pulled my Bleach fanfiction notebook out of my bookbag. "Oh great, not another sketch book," I heard Ichigo complain.

"Ah, shaddup, Fruit Pop. Like I said before, this is MY dream. And that means anything I want to happen will. And besides, this is my fanfiction notebook. Tch, stupid strawberry."

"What was that?"

"Nothing~!" I yelled back. "Now gather round, everyone, because it's story time!" Nobody answered me. Guess I'd have to catch their interest by giving them a little preview. "Come on! It totally shows what a douche Aizen is!"

Bazinga! That got their attention right away. Excepf for Snowball. He was brooding over in the corner for some reason. "That's more like it. This is a story I wrote about Aizen and the Espada. It's called 'Because I'm Sosuke Aizen'." I flipped open the notebook and was about to begin reading, but then I heard a crashing sound upstairs. Ichigo and I ran up to Kisuke's place – with everyone tagging along, of course – to find a giant hole in the ceiling. Jinta and Ururu had just jumped through the hole and onto the rooftop when I heard a Hollow screeching. "Crap!" I quickly ran downstairs and grabbed my gear. I had to draw the fight scene that was about to unfold. I couldn't pass up this opportunity!

...Well, I was ABOUT to run back up, but Carrot Top pushed me back in the basement. "You're staying down here," he ordered me.

"Wha? But WHYY?" I tried giving him the pouty face again, but it didn't work any better than the first time.

"Because you're too freakin' unstable to be around any Hollows!"

He gave me the evil eye, so I gave it right back to him. "But Itsygo, I gotta give it a name!"

Ichigo face palmed. Damn, what a loud slap. You could probably hear it from the Soul Society. "I don't give a rat's ass. The damned thing's gonna die anyway." We heard more Hollow shrieking noises as the Soul Reapers came out of their gigais. Great, a gang war. "Hey, Shinji!" Oh no. Oh HELL no! He was NOT about to do what I think he was. "I need you to keep an eye on Jo while I get rid of these guys."

Shinji creeped over to me and grinned wide. "Not a problem. I'll make sure she's nice and safe~." As Ichigo's soul came out of his body – that's what she said – Shinji turned to me. His grin grew wider, to the point where it earned the 'rape face' status. "Now that we're alone, why don't we play a little game? It's called-" He would've finished his sentence if he hadn't tried to kiss me, thus banging his face into the anti-Shinji barrier I'd put around myself. Haha, jack ass. I can't believe I'd forgotten about that for a second. I took my chance and kicked him in the nuts, just to make sure he wouldn't try chasing me anytime soon, and ran like hell. Well, actually, I jumped up through the hole in the ceiling.

"Surprise, cockbags!" I yelled out to get their attention. Which it did. I loled at Ichigo's new WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 11. After their short WTF briefing, they returned to battle. Carrot Top still kept me in his peripheral vision, though. He wouldn't let me out of his sight, not even when there was a Menos up his ass. But he couldn't keep me under his arm the entire time while fighting, so he had no choice but to let me run wild. Right?

"I don't know how you got past Shinji," he started, "but I'll deal with that after I get rid of this bastard. You'd better not do anything stupid." Ichigo went bankai and lunged toward the Menos, which meant I was now free to do whatever the hell I want. Well, sort of. While everyone was distracted by a barrage of ceros and what not, I got bored. Again. There wasn't really anything for me to do. All the Gillians were taken, so I couldn't destroy them and take away the Soul Reapers' usefulness. What to do... what to do...

Oh yeah. How could I forget about finding the leader of this gang. Duh! That would solve my boredom problems! Yeah, and then I could name it! I looked around for a Menos with a higher leven than Gillian, since Gillians were basically mindless wind-up toy drones who had a wicked attraction to reiatsu. No, no Adjuchas around. No Vasta Lordes, either. The only thing I could see was some dude sitting on a nearby rooftop and watching-

Hold on a minute. I recognized that dude. White hakama, black shoes, a white cropped open jacket, light skin, a scar on his sexy chest, green markings at the corner of his light blue eyes, light blue hair gelled up, and the sinister smile that stole my heart.

Espada number six, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.

Oh. My. Freaking. GOD! Grimmjow was actually here. In the flesh. Only a few yards away from me. I swear, I was so close to squealing like the fangirl I was.

...Oh, I actually was squealing. Kisuke, who was also the group of Menos, looked down at me like something was wrong with me. Oops. I quickly shut myself up before Ichigo got down here and decided to whack me upside the head again. He already got away with it once, and I wasn't about to let him get away with it again. Mr. Hat n' Clogs went back to the fight as soon as I shut up. I looked back toward Grimmjow. Wait. Wouldn't Ichigo have noticed him by now? And why was my Grimmy kitty leading a band of Gillians, anyway? That wasn't part of the plot line.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Grimmjow start to laugh maniacally. Everyone looked in the same direction I was, and Ichigo's eyes finally showed that he spotted him. "You again..." Ichigo growled at my kitty. "So you're back, huh?" Next thing I knew, Carrot Top was hurling a Getsuga Tenshou at Grimmjow. "Getsuga Tenshou!" Uhh, I just said that.

"You still think that weak ass attack's gonna work on me? Hah!" Grimmjow smiled sadistically – ah, the sexiness in it – and charged a Cero, firing it at the attack to parry it. Good thing he did. Because, whether he's with the bad guys or not, if Ichigo had hurt a hair on Grimmjow's head, I swear, his crotch would be in his throat.

Anyway, yeah. So once the smoke cleared from the parried attacks, I was able to see my sexy Sexta again. Ah, he looked so delicious the way he, you know, existed and what not. Then I noticed that his eyes had met mine. To him, it must've seemed like he had another person to get in his way. Either that or he was checking me out. But I highly doubt it was the second, seeing how I'm talking about Grimmjow. So that's how he looked at me. But how I saw him was a completely different story. You might not wanna know what I had in mind, but I'll tell you anyway. Basically, it has Grimmy and I in his room in Las Noches, and...you only really see a censor screen with the 'Hang in There Baby' cat and then hear some 'freakish yet fitting' sound effects. Yeah, I'm a perv.

He continued staring at me. I still couldn't tell whether he was looking to bang me or kill me, maybe a mix of the two. After several seconds of what I considered 'intense eye contact', I couldn't take it anymore. My fangirlism could not be concealed any longer. I stood up and ran right for my Grimmy kitty. And since I could walk on air now, it made getting to him much easier. "GRIMMJOW!" I didn't stop and eventually ended up tackle glomping him into the next building. Even though I wasn't paying attention to him at the time, I knew that Fruit Pop and the mighty kimono cult had a WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 12. "Homaigawd it's really you! I can't believe it! You actually came to Karakura Town and I can actually see you and I'm actually hugging you and you're actually sexier in person and you're actually three dimensional and OH MAI GOD! Oh, if only my friends could see this! Luis would sure owe me for all those years saying I was in love with a drawing. Well I still am but who cares? I'm hugging my favorite sexy delicious hunky man meat! My Grimmy kitty! Purr for me! Come on, I wanna hear the most ferocious-"

I was, once again, interrupted when I felt my hair being pulled back! "Owowowowowow OW! Lemme go!" My eyes immediately shut. My hair was being pulled so hard that I had no choice but to let Grimmjow go so I could try and free myself from the bastard who dared to, well, pull my hair.

...Except when I opened my eyes, I realized that the bastard pulling my lucious locks was none other than Grimmjow. "What the hell do you think you're doing, woman?" he asked me, still holding my hair. Wow. Grimmjow called me a woman. That meant...he found me slightly attractive! Yay- ...Oh, almost forgot that he called Orihime 'woman' too. Damn, so close! "Well? I'm waiting for an answer." I just stayed there, sitting on top of him – that's what she said – and staring at him. "What's with the stare?"

"You know, you're even more good looking in person than in the drawings." I know, I know, my hair's being pulled from that patch of skin attached to my head that's called a scalp. But I couldn't pay attention to any pain. Not in the presence of His Yumminess, anyway.

Grimmy raised a sexy eyebrow. "The hell does that mean." I guess it took a few seconds for everything I'd said to him to sink in. "...Wait. How do you even know who I am?" His face moved in real close, almost in the same way Ichigo's had last night. _That's what she said._ "Are you someone I'm trying to kill?"

"Uhh, uhmmm..." Crap crap CRAP! His nose was almost touching mine! He was too close now! No, I'm not yet ready to handle the Grimminess! I tried turning away, but he purposely made me face him again. Oh no, oh no! This was just like my fantasy of Grimmjow and my character Kuzeni, except worse! It was like I had just acquired Grimmjow as my own personal bishie and he was already trying to pull moves on me! But now I wouldn't have to fantasize, because...because...

"Well? Say something!" he demanded. Ah, that glorious dominant tone of his! That did it. My vision went fuzzy, my body went numb, and that's the last thing I remember of that incident.

Crap, and I almost felt his man cleavage, too.


	10. Mayuri is Disturbing

**Author's Note:**_** Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. If they belonged to me: Aizen would've been dead before the fourth transformation; Grimmjow would be my bishie; Tia, Starrk and Ulquiorra would be alive; Gin and Rangiku would'v kissed already; Yoruichi and Kisuke would've kissed already; Ichigo would've kissed Orihime already; Renji would've asked Byakuya if he could court Rukia already; and Toshiro would've already gotten that frozen crab out of his ass and kissed Momo._

_...On that note, I obviously belong to myself. See my __**deviantART**__ page for any of my mentioned Bleach OCs, such as Kuzeni Harato._

_So, ladies and germs, my favorite favorite sexy character has made his debut. It sucks that I fainted in front of Grimmy, though. At least I got to see him up close. Ah, the sexiness D_

_Yeah, and it seems like the story's taking an unusual turn. I wonder how that started...Man, do I love screwing with Kubo's storyline._

_Now that school's started and I'm a senior in high school, I may not update this glorious tale as often. But don't worry, it'll still be updated for my dear fans._

_~Infernal Blossom_

I had no clue where I was. Everything was dark and I couldn't feel anything around me. This was starting to sound a lot like the TV portal I travelled through to get to the Bleach world in the first place. But somehow, it seemed...different. How, I don't know. I just had a feeling it was different.

Then I saw a light. A tiny light, but still bright enough so I could identify everything around me. The light was flickering from a lit candle on a chandelier that was hanging from the ceiling. The room was mostly empty, except for a large bed that I'd woken up on and a white leather couch. That, along with red and white rose petals scattered all over the floor. Strange, I'd never seen this room before, and yet it felt so familiar. Huh, wonder why. I looked up at the window and saw the moon shining down between the...bars? Wait, what the hell? Bars on the window? A giant crescent moon shining down? An empty white room? Holy crap...I was in Las Noches!

But wait, how did I even get here? I didn't draw a Garganta or anything. Speaking of which...where was my sketchbook? My sword and bag, too. In fact, all my stuff was missing! And for some reason, it felt a little chilly in here. Weird. I hugged myself to try and get warm, and that's when I realized something else. I looked down at my body to make sure my assumption was right. "Holy shit!" My clothes were missing! I was in nothing but a tank top and a pair of short shorts! "Holy shit!" I yelled again as I stood up, still not understanding what was going on. I mean, what would you do if you woke up in Las Noches stripped down to your underwear?

Before I could say 'holy shit' one more time, the door to the room opened. I couldn't really see who was coming in because the hallway was dark. Why the hell must the darkness piss me off and confuse me so? I heard footsteps come into the room. They must belong to whoever's room this was. I gulped nervously. Please, PLEASE don't let this be Aizen's room! If it is, you may as well let a Hollow eat me now, because I'd rather die than be within several thousand miles of Tite Kubo's horrible adaptation of a Pokemon. Sorry, Kubo-dono.

"Did you wait long?" Hold on, that voice. No...way... I squinted so I could get a better look at the voice's owner in the dim light. Starting from his feet, my eyes worked their way all the way up his six foot one body, up to the tips of his hair. Yup. I was, once again, in the presence of His Sexiness. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.

I couldn't resist looking him up and down again. That stare, that pose, that existence... Grimmjow's presence had a pull on me that made my heart race, my skin burn up and my blood flow fast. And that's exactly what was happening now. "Uhhm...uhhm..." It was happening again. Just like when he'd came close to me when I'd tackle glomped him into a building, except this one was worse. I could feel my palms getting clammy just from him standing in front of me.

Then he slowly began to pull off his jacket. I mean, as in fanservice style. "It's too damned hot in here," he pretended to complain. Grimmjow reached his hands up to the clothing's opening and lifted it off of his well toned torso. The black and white fabirc gradually revealed his entire sexy chest, then his shoulders and upper arms. The jacket came off and lightly tossed it to the side. All while keeping his magnetic stare locked on me and his sadistically seductive grin on.

My legs started to buckle. His teasing was torturing me on the inside. I bit my bottom lip, trying so very hard to resist turning into his own personal cat and pouncing on him. Then he just vanished. I admit, I was both relieved and pissed – relieved that my heart could calm down, and pissed that my private show was over. Just when I thought the sexy torture was over, I sensed a presence behind me and a cold hand lightly touch my shoulder. I couldn't hepled to gasp. And when I did, Grimmjow spoke again. "Relax, woman." When he usually said 'woman' it was in a harsh tone. This time, his tone was gentle. Demanding, but gentle. I'm not sure how that works, but the blue haired embodiment of deliciousness managed to pull it off. Oh god. He was doing it again, worse than the first and second time combined. And yet, somehow, I was still standing.

...Until Grimmjow slowly and lightly ran the tips of his fingers along my shoulder, stopping after he'd crossed over the back of my neck and to the end of my opposite shoulder. That did it. My legs immediately gave out and I slumped. Well, I was about to sink, but he'd caught me before I could sink an inch. "What's the matter?" he asked me, leaning down closer than he had before. His face was right next to mine, his lips very close to my ear and his breath against my neck. "I'm not gonna hurt you..." he whispered. I couldn't move. His seduction had caused me to freeze where I was...well, being held by him. To make matters worse, I still couldn't stand because of what he did to me. God damn his sex god status.

Suddenly, my dear blue haired bishie moved away from my ear and looked me straight in the eye. He was doing it again. Grimmjow was provoking my sick perverted mind to bring out the giant censor screen. Ah, I so wanted to do that. My body, however, had lost all feeling below the waist and froze solid above. Damn that stare of his and its powers. He didn't say a word to me as his face crept closer and closer to mine. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. If he was about to do what I thought he was, then one of my many dreams were about to come true. His eyes closed, his breath calmed, and Grimmjow actually leaned in to kiss me.

However, I got him first. Hey, I may have been frozen, but I take opportunities when I see them. I was honestly surprised that his lips were so soft, skeptical even that he would go to kiss me in the first place. But who was I to complain right now? I was currently being kissed by the sexies character in the Bleach universe, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. I'd imagined this moment ever since his debut into the series. And to add on to the fantasy, he had tightened his grip around my waist. So now, I was sliding my arms around his neck as he pulled me against his chest. Basically, we'd fallen back onto the bed and were now making out. This had to be one of the most perfect moments in my life. It couldn't get any better than this.

Then he pulled away for me. My eyes had closed as soon as I'd crushed my lips against his, so I wasn't really prepared for what the giant brown spheres I see through would catch sight of.

The color drowned from my face when I opened my eyes to see Renji's face an inch or two away from mine. Unlike my cheeks, his were redder than his hair. It took me a second to realize that I had one hand on his cheek and the other around his neck. Slowly turning my head, I saw everyone else staring at me. And, as expected, Ichigo and Toshiro had WTF faces on. Ichigo WTF face counter: 12. Toshiro WTF face counter: 2. I turned back to Renji, who was still blushing at me.

"What the fuck!" I yelled out. "Why were you kissing me? I'm not your fangirl! Where did Grimmjow go?" I must've spaced out a bit while yelling at Renji because I don't remember much of what I said to him. It's probably consisted of mostly curse words, anyway. "Let me go! Bring me back to my Grimmy kitty! I wanna cuddle my sexy Sexta-!"

"Shut up!" Ichigo and Renji interrupted me simultaneously, which also quieted me down.

Even as he yelled at me, Renji's face was still redder than his hair. "...So..." he started, "...does this make us a couple now? Because I don't really think I'm your type." If that was his way of trying to hint that he wanted Rukia, then he was doing a terrible job. And for that, I smacked him upside the head. "Ow! What the hell was that for, you ungrateful shrimp?"

Yes, I'm aware that he called me short. And yes, I will get him back for that...now. "That's for kissing me instead of the girl you're in love with, stupid!" That made Renji drop me. Yet another thing I'd have to get him back for. I would've continued to embarrass the pineapple by telling everyone he was in love with Rukia, but something caught my eye.

This wasn't the right scenery. As far as I remember, we were supposed to be in Karakura Town, a block away from Kisuke's shop. And right now, the surrounding area looked far from that. In fact, it was almost like we were in the Soul Society. That, and Kisuke wasn't arou-

...Oh hell no. They did NOT do what I thought they did. "Hey...where are we?" I asked, which made everyone turn away from me. Yeah...I was in the Soul Society – the Seireitei, actually - which pissed me off. A lot. "Okay," I started as I reached for my sketchbook, "whoever came up with this bright idea better 'fess before I start drawing a shitload of Hollows and sick them on all your...sorry...asses..." Where was my sketchbook? Scratch that, where was my entire bookbag? I looked around me and found my precious bookbag in the arms of Ikkaku. "Why do you have my bag, chrome dome?"

"What was that, shrimp?" Oops. I kinda forgot that he didn't like being called names like that. I took a step back and went to run like hell, but he grabbed me by my hair. It actually hurt more the second time than the first.

"Owowowowowowow OWWW!" I yelled out while flailing my arms. "Let me go!" What happened from there wasn't really my doing. I think Hiyori took over my mind for a split second. Somehow, I spun my body so my right foot hooked one of the bookbag straps and my left smashed against Baldy's cheek. That caused him to release my poor rat's nest of a head of hair and head straight into the nearest building – which happened to be the Squad 12 barracks. Ah crap. That meant he'd be ranting in three...two...one...

"My experiments!" We all heard Mayuri yell. Yep, I'd done it now. The painted-skinned freakshow came running out, holding a few vials in one hand and some papers under the opposite arm. He sure was mad as hell. You could even see the anime vein popping out on his forehead...well, partially, since he had that weird hat on. "Who sent that cue balled moron flying into my research? Well?" His creepy stare stuck on each of us for a second, until they landed on me. The pair of golden eyes didn't leave me. And the longer he stared at me, the wider his grin grew, up to the point where it gained rape face status. "Well well well...what do we have here?" He took a step toward me, which gave me a bad feeling on the inside. "I can feel quite a powerful reiatsu flowing out from your body. Seems you have worse control problems than Kurosaki." I didn't have to look back to know that Ichigo was tightening his fist and getting ready to give him what for. Mayuri glanced over to Toshiro, still doing that thing he considered smiling. "Where'd you find this one, Captain Hitsugaya? She's certainly far from a shinigami."

Snowball crossed his arms, answering, "She's a human we found in Karakura Town. But she isn't of this world. She isn't even from what she calls 'this universe'."

"Not of this universe, huh?" Mayuri's rape face grin grew wider as he pulled a syringe out from in his sleeve. There was a weird greenish liquid inside. It almost looked like he'd sucked the snot out of someone's nose. "Well, then, I must run a few tests on this girl and figure out why she has such a strong reiatsu." He took another step toward me, which meant it was time for me to turn around and run for my life. I turned on my heel and ran like hell before anyone could stop me. Even with everyone yelling around me, I didn't turn back once. I just wanted to get the hell out of there! "Nemu!" Oh...shit. This just went from bad to worse. Mayuri was having his little robot go after me, which meant I really had to hightail it. FAST.

But what was I supposed to do? It's not like I knew every nook and cranny of the Seireitei by heart. That, and I didn't really have anyone to help me out...or did I? I can't believe I forgot about my original Bleach characters. I'd created three Soul Reapers and a Vizard, so I had a few choices. Hmm...I already bothered Kuzeni, so I guess it was time for Hitori to have a little fun. I hid behind the corner of the nearest building and quickly pulled out my fiery sketchbook. My hand moved at lightning speed and within a few seconds, Hitori Gekidou was fully drawn out. The lines started glowing and next thing I knew, my gray eyed shinigami was standing in front of me.

"You know, I was kind of busy training with Kaichou," he complained, mentioning his sound-based zanpakuto's name, "so you're gonna owe me big time for this."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Hitori and I heard the Kurotsuchis getting closer to us. "But first, I need you to keep Nemu and Mayuri occupied so I can try to find my way out of here." He nodded and walked out into the open. And that meant I was home free. I put my stuff back into my orange bag and found a ladder attached to the wall. Then I climbed up so I could get a better view from on the roof.

And what a view it was. I mean, this was way better than going down to the beach and watching the sunset. The view was beautiful. I just had to draw it, but not right now. I had to remain focused on finding an escape route. When I heard Hitori perform his Zekkyou Shuuhan attack, I drew a portal in my sketchbook and jumped through it. I smirked, but it vanished when I realized that I'd forgotten to write a caption underneath it for where I wanted to go. "Fuck!" Now I wouldn't know where I was going until I got there. The portal dumped me a few minutes later.

And I really mean it DUMPED me. I fell who knows how many feet before crashing through a roof and down onto the floor. What a bumpy ride that was. "Aw crap...I gotta remember to write a caption next time..." I rubbed my head and found that my flower had fallen out of my hair. "Oh no, not again!" But lucky for me, it was right next to me. Sitting on top of...a pile of black hair? "The hell?" I picked up my flower and placed it back in my hair, still staring at the jet black locks beside me. I leaned down and looked closer, and noticed some white strips in the hair. Strange, what would white stripes be doing in a pile of black hair? This wasn't Soul Eater!

Then the pile of hair started moving. That, and the lumpy ass couch I'd landed on, which was covered in a black cloth. Huh, it looked very similar to the same cloth used in making the Soul Reaper's uniform. And I also saw what looked like a piece of haori cloth and some white scarf-

Wait a minute. Black hair with white stripes in it? Black Soul Reaper cloth? A captain's haori? A white scarf? A lumpy ass couch that moved on its own? Was I sitting on a shinigami? I leaned down again and poked at the pile of hair, which moved in response. I also heard a very muffled voice. "What was that?" I asked. "I can't hear you. You're speaking into the floor."

"I said, get off of me!" Oh...shitballs. I recognized that voice. And the face matched it all too well.

I had fallen on, and was now, sitting on top of none other than Byakuya Kuchiki.

No wonder he was so uncomfortable.


	11. Byakuya is Cheap

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. If they were in my possession, you know what would happen xD See my __**deviantART**__ page for any mentioned OCs._

_Ah, what a giant mindfuck the first half of the previous chapter was, ne? I wish that'd REALLY happened, but unfortunately I was kissing Renji. Kissing...Renji... I send my apologies out to Rukia and all the Renji fangirls out there._

_And lookie, I've brought in more characters~! Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce my second Bleach OC, Hitori Gekidou! You'll come to love him once you see him again! Oh yeah, I also brought in Byakuya, Nemu and Mayuri. Whoopie._

_Anyway, let's continue. A lot more OCs and characters must still make their way into the story!_

_Also, if you're a __**deviantART**__ member, I'm currently taking requests! So hurry and get your free drawing while you can!_

_~Infernal Blossom_

It's been made official: Byakuya Kuchiki makes a very bad couch. And I just proved that theory.

"...Are you just going to sit on me all day, or will you allow me to get up?"

Oh, almost forgot I was still sitting on pretty boy. I got off of him, still holding my head and now going to hold my ass. Yeah, I could've been a good person and helped up the noble, but right now my ass was more important than any noble. "God, Byakuya, you're the worst couch I've ever sat on. The hell's your back made of, rocks?" He'd probably raised an eyebrow at me – which counts as a Byakuya WTF face in my book, since he's not one for those. But I'm not going to hold a counter for him. That is, unless you want me to.

Once I was finished rubbing my poor sexy ass, I looked up and examined the hole I'd created with my fall. Damn, that was a BIG hole. _That's what she said._ Yeah, there was no way I was going to pass up an innuendo just because I was in the Kuchiki household. I started snickering, but I'd stopped when I felt a finger tapping on my shoulder. My gaze turned from the hole in the roof to Byakuya, who looked...quite pissed. His brow was furrowed, his gray eyes glaring down at me. "Who do you think you are that you come crashing through my roof, girl?" he asked me in a harsh tone. "Speak now or forever hold your tongue in death." What the hell? Did he just threaten me? And I thought Byakuya had become a nice guy after Aizen's defection.

"Look, Byakuya," I started while doing the invisible walls / jazz hands innocence combo, "crashing through your roof wasn't my fault." And then I remembered how I forgot to add a caption when I'd drawn the portal in my sketchbook. "…Okay, maybe it _was_ my fault, but I didn't do it intentionally! I just forgot to write a caption for the portal I drew out, that's all!" I quickly grabbed my sketchbook and drew a quick picture of the destroyed roof. I erased the hole and redrew the roof, making it look like as if nothing had happened. And as expected, the roof was as good as new. "See? I fixed it! Isn't that great? Now if you'll excuse me, I have some hell to raise."

With that, I grabbed my stuff and walked out of there…well, _TRIED_ to. "And just where do you think you're going, girl?" He snapped his fingers, and almost immediately, two large guards were blocking my escape route. Well there goes my plan. I turned to find that Byakuya was now only a few paces away from me. He circled around me once or twice before stopping in front of me again. "You know my name, yet you're not anyone I know. You're not from the Soul Society, are you?" he asked. Uh oh, he was onto me. Before I could answer, his drones had each grabbed one of my arms.

"Hey, what the hell? Tell your cronies to let go of me!" I argued, kicking my legs constantly. But Byakuya being Byakuya, he ignored me and walked ahead as his guards dragged me to wherever the hell we were going.

And that location turned out to be the middle of the Seireitei. This is just what I needed right now. Annoyance, being pulled around like I was an old carpet…and I was very hungry. I didn't get a chance to eat lunch thanks to Toshiro and his persistent nagging of 'how I knew information about everything' and all that crap. I would've drawn my way out of there, except for the fact that my arms were currently restrained by Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. So right now, my hands were deemed useless. Damn, now I knew how Roy Mustang felt when being called a wet match.

The guards wouldn't let me go at all. Everything I tried – from kicking them in the crotch to tripping them to even biting them, which tasted disgusting – didn't work. How could a kick to the crotch NOT work? Was that even possible? I tried to come up with a theory on how they could withstand one of my kicks, and concluded that Mayuri had designed special cups for Soul Reapers and the like to wear on the job. Apparently Ichigo didn't get in on that offer.

My thoughts were interrupted, as they always are, when I heard a painfully loud creaking noise. I looked in front of me and found that I'd been dragged against my will to the Squad One barracks. Great, another thing I needed to piss me off. Looks like Toshiro won this time. I tried stopping Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum from bringing me in any further by purposely skidding my feet, but it failed epically when they decided to lift me off the ground. Well wasn't this dandy. All that was really left was...

"Enter," I heard a voice boom. Another giant door creaked open – which hurt my ears a lot – and I saw a fairly large room with a big chair at the very end. I knew this place better than any place in the Soul Society...the Captain Commander's meeting room. And sitting in the 'throne' at the end was none other than the captain of Squad One.

...Wait, gimme a second to remember his name. I didn't really consider him an important character – even if he _was _Captain Commander – because he wasn't on my favorites list. Hmm...what was his name again? I know it starts with a 'G' or some letter close to that... Oh yeah. Shigekuni Genryusai Yamamoto. Thank crackers I'd bought that _Color Bleach Plus_ book before getting sucked into the Bleach world, because I was going to need it. A lot.

I was taken into Grandpa's retirement home common room without a moment's hesitation. These guys certainly were quick to get to the point. As the two goons carried me deeper into the room, I realized just how long it'd taken them to bring me from the Kuchiki household to the big cheese of the Seireitei. Either these guys were fast fucks, they were lazy fucks and shunpoed, or I'd blacked out during my ranting session. Whatever the reason was, I'd have to wait and find out later. It was time for my interrogation.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum threw me down onto the ground. Ah, Byakuya was SO going to fire them later for their...how do you say...ah, screw it. But Byakuya better fire these bastards once we're done here. "I am sorry to disturb you so late in the day, Captain," he started while bowing his head, "but this girl intruded my home and caused damage. Not only that-" he then turned my way- "but she appears to be another Ryoka with strange powers and knowledge."

"Is that so?" He started stroking his beard, which I think was his way of showing that he was deep in thought. Man, for an old fart, his voice sure was loud. "This is quite the coincidence. Captain Hitsugaya had informed me earlier today about a human girl with the exact same things." Grandpa stood up and grabbed his zanpakuto-cane thingamajig and started walking toward me. I got up from my hands and knees and straightened myself out, since the two goons had messed up my hair and outfit. They even managed to knock my flower out of my hair. I placed the orange flower back where it belonged and fixed myself up just as Yamamoto slammed his cane onto the floor. "What is your name, child?" His loud voice somehow seemed a bit calm when he asked me that.

"Well, uh, it's Jo. Jo Weizu." There was something about this guy that made me feel both uneasy and want to sit on his lap while asking for Grimmjow tied up in a box for Christmas.

He may have been only three inches taller than me, but Grandpa made me feel like a mouse. "Jo Weizu. What brings you here to the Soul Society without an escort?" How did I know he was going to ask that, or even anything close to it? Well, here was ANOTHER interview I wouldn't be able to avoid, thanks to Byakuya this time. I opened my mouth and went to answer, but as usual, someone had to be rude and interrupt me.

And the lucky bastard this time was...Toshiro Hitsugaya. AKA Cotton Fluff, or AKA Snowball. "Captain Commander!" he yelled out. "We have a problem. The girl I tried to bring in ran off-" Then his eyes fell on me and he shut up. "You..." he growled, pointing at me. Snowball stormed toward me, keeping an icy glare on his face. "You're getting to become quite the problem, you know. Running off, not listening to orders...you're worse than Ichigo Kurosaki!" Man, was he lucky that Ichigo hadn't run in right when he said that. Toshiro stopped right in front of me, and I think he went up onto his tippy toes to glare at me even deeper. "Thank you for catching her, Captain Kuchiki." Byakuya nodded in response and went to head out.

But our dear ol' Flaming Grandpa stopped him. "Stay where you are, Captain Kuchiki." He walked back to his throne, which meant it was time to give an order. "Lieutenant Sasakibe." Almost immediately, the white haired lieutenant was by Yamamoto's side.

"You called for me, sir?"

"Send a message out to the rest of the captains saying to report to an emergency meeting here immediately." Chojiro nodded and with a swift turn, he vanished. Things were getting better and better by the second. I would've used that opportunity to high tail my ass out of there, but Toshiro was keeping a close eye on me.

"You should use this time wisely and get your story straight," Cotton Fluff warned me. "And unless you wish to spend the rest of your days locked away, I suggest you tell us everything you know."

Was he honestly trying to pass that off as a threat? I couldn't help but to laugh. "Yeah, whatever, Toshiro-"

"It's Captain Hitsugaya to you, ryoka!"

Wow. Cotton Fluff was...strangely adorable when he got pissed. You know, in the same way as when a two year old throws a fit that you just have to catch on camera? Yeah, in that way. "Like I said. What. Ever." I leaned against the wall and let myself slide down. I was about to either get on Toshiro's good side...or commit suicide. Most likely the second 'cide'. And if it was the second choice, then I could care less whether or not I was about to die an icy death. I pulled out my magical sketchbook and drew Toshiro – a full body picture, since he was short enough where I had room for it. Then I began sketching out a circle around him. I couldn't help but to grin at this. Slowly, the circle started forming around Toshiro. I thickened the lining of the circle a bit, and the real one did the same. Then I drew a base so the circle wouldn't move. Lastly, I added some watermelons and a snowman.

Yes, you guessed correctly. I just turned Snowball into a snowglobe. "What the-" He did the mime thing at first, thinking the glass surrounding him was a lie. As he inspected his new environment, I drew an arrow next to the snowglobe and wrote a caption underneath it. 'Unable to be destroyed without my consent', I wrote. The snowglobe glowed a bit before reverting back to normal. On the base, I wrote 'Baby Jack Frost's first blizzard'. And sure enough, it began snowing inside the glass sphere. Ah, Cotton Fluff's face was priceless. Toshiro WTF counter: 3. Then his eyes went on me, and again, reduced to a glare. "What did you do to me?"

"Pssh, relax." I flapped a hand at him to calm his icy-hot temper. "At least I was kind enough to leave a snack for you in there. See? I have a heart after all." I started laughing, but my laughter was short lived when I saw the looks on Byakuya's and Santa Claus' faces. They didn't really have WTF faces. They were more like 'Oh shit, what the hell just happened?' in a serious way. If I thought I was in hot water before, then now I was boiling.


	12. Soifon is Paranoid

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. If I was the creator of this epic series, then things would be MORE epic and I'd be rich as hell xD_

_I think I'm gonna to be introducing new characters every chapter now. Until, of course, there are no more characters to debut in the story. Last chapter we met the lieutenant of Squad 1, Chojiro Sasakibe. But nobody really cares for him, so I'll move on to Grandpa xD_

_And it looks like I'll have to create some more barriers for my precious magical sketchbook now. Oh well._

"Uhh..." I stammered, not sure what to say. "Wow, this doesn't look good, does it?" Byakuya shook his head at me, and I dunno if it was directed toward what I'd said or just me in general. Either way, pretty boy was giving me the disapproving stare one would normally get from their martial arts instructor when pulling a stupid stunt while a lesson is being taught.

...Oh. You know what I'm talking about? Well thank you for being able to relate to my pain. But let's get back to the subject at hand before you end up getting lost in my imagination. Trust me, you do NOT want to take that chance. You know what, though? If you're nice to me and give me a good review, I may just let you into my imagination land. I may even let you see the mansion I biult in there. It's very roomy.

ANYWAY, Toshiro was still banging his little fists on the glass. I'd almost forgot he was still inside the snowglobe. "You would be wise to release me for this before you regret it!" he yelled at me. And, hold on a second... Was that watermelon residue on his face? So he DID eat the snack I left for him! And you know, he did seem a teensy bit less angry when he yelled at me. I knew that would work! Well, it didn't work as well as I'd hoped, but still!

I should've used that time to run like hell, because everyone who was in the room drew their zanpakutos. Four more captains stormed into the conference room and froze when they saw what was going on. Captains Sajin Komamura, Shunsui Kyoraku, Jushiro Ukitake and Soifon exchanged glances with each other and the head captain while staring at Cotton Fluff, who was still in the snowglobe. Wow, Ukitake actually showed up? "So..." Kyoraky started, "Should we come back later? Because this seems like a bad time." I couldn't help but to giggle a little. Ah, Kyoraku and his laid back personality. That's one of the things I found awesome about him.

Ukitake raised an eyebrow at what he saw. I could tell he wanted to drop on the ground and start laughing his ass off, but he didn't want to face the wrath of the head captain. And speaking of Santa Claus, he rammed his staff-zanpakuto thingy onto the ground. Hard, so he'd get everyone's attention. "I will allow you one chance to release Captain Hitsugaya before you are cut down and forced to," he ordered me. See, THIS is one of the reasons I didn't want to come to the Soul Society. Now I had to deal with Flaming Grandpa over there and his fiery zanpakuto of doom. Hey, he may have been the leader of the Gotei 13 for over a thousand years, but he REALLY needed to be put in a retirement home. You know, so he could leave us all alone and just focus on hitting on the wrinkled old ladies over there.

Grandpa and I had a bit of a staredown. Not like the ones that Ichigo and Uryu had at the beginning of the series. I don't know the right words to describe this staredown. It was something like the daily staredowns I have with my Graphics teacher when he says my work is crap and asks if I wanna fail. Yeah, something like that. After what seemed like an eternity with the staredown, I caved. I sighed and rubbed the back of my head, saying to him, "Fine, fine. Yeesh. Don't break your hip over it." I walked over to Toshiro's little prison cell and tapped on it a few times. Snowball was still fuming inside of there; he'd melted all of the snow in there. "Relax, Toshiro. I'm letting you out now." I put my stuff back into my bookbag before breaking the 'prison cell'. Hey, I didn't want my sketchbook to get ruined. I was going to break the snowglobe with a front kick – some good practice for tae kwon do. I took my fighting stance and yelled out loud as I rammed my foot right into the snowglobe, breaking through it...

...And getting Toshiro in his stomach. Oops. I guess I took it too seriously. I ended up accidentally kicking Snowball as well as the snowglobe. He was sent flying into the wall, which raised some snickering. That was so from Kyoraku. Cotton Fluff was alright, though, because he immediately stormed over to me with an angry glare on his face. "I've had just about enough out of you," he growled at me. Toshiro went to kick me for revenge, but he obviously forgot about the anti-Toshiro barrier I'd put up. He ended up kicking that and pulling back right away, looking like he wanted to do the bit from Family Guy where Peter hurts his knee and he's rocking back and forth while holding it and making that noise I can't type out the onomotopeia to.

...DAMN, that was a mouthful.

"Enough of this!" We all heard Grandpa yell. He actually stood up and started walking toward me. I didn't know whether to be scared of him or warn him about breaking his hip. I was a bit surprised to find that the head captain wasn't a monstorous guy like I thought he was. He was a little guy. I would've laughed if he wasn't there, because I didn't want him to go all bossy on my ass. Not like he could, anyway. "Who are you, and how did you trap Captain Hitsugaya?"

Before I could answer him, we all heard the doors fly open again. Everyone's eyes, including mine, went to see what made the door open so violently. Hitori Gekidou, one of my four main Bleach original characters, ran into the conference room. He had a look of fear on his face, and his arms were flailing around madly. "Get this crazy bitch off of me!" he kept yelling. It turns out that Nemu had latched onto Hitori and had been holding onto him for who knows how long. I tried not to laugh, but the way he was running just made it too damn hilarious. He saw me laughing and scowled at me. "Quit laughing and get Nemu off my back already!"

"Alright, alright," I reassured him, "just keep your hakama on." I quickly pulled out my sketchbook and drew out Hitori and Nemu. Then I circled Nemu on the paper, and as expected, Nemu got trapped in a bubble. Yeah, wasn't expecting a bubble, but I'm not complaning. The shinigami wannabee tried to pop the bubble, but I wrote 'back to Squad 12 barracks' next to the arrow, and she vanished before she could do anything. "There we go." I waltzed over to Hitori, who was cracking his neck and stretching out. "You alright over there?"

Hitori nodded. "Other than having a monkey on my back for the last twenty minutes, I'm fine. I forgot how tight her grip is." Hitori and I fell silent after hearing those words escape his mouth, then both of us fell backward and laughed some more.

"That's what she said!" we both yelled out simultaneously.

We shouldn't have laughed. Yamamoto banged his epic cane on the ground again, harder than before. _That's what she said-_ Dammit, not again! "I've had enough of this foolishness," he commented. He banged the cane down one more time, and Ukitake, Komamura and Kyoraku immediately placed their hands on the hilts of their zanpakutos. Soifon took a battle stance, and I think she tried to make herself look scary to me. I wanted to laugh, but I held my tongue. I wasn't in the mood to be badgered by Shortie over there.

Grandpa turned to Snowball. "I now see what you meant about in your report. Her powers are, indeed, intriguing." He tried to take my sketchbook away from me – and failed, obviously. I wasn't about to let some icky old man with crap in the back of his ears lay a finger on the most awesome sketchbook I've ever had in my life. As he reached for the spiral of my book, I held my precious object close to my body and smacked his hand away. I swear, the reaction was exactly like one of those 'Ooohs' that you'd hear in 1980's sitcoms. Flaming Grandpa had the only WTF face on. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen, next to Aizen getting owned by the almighty Kisuke Urahara in the manga.

"Seize her!"

Oh shit! I immediately backed away from Yamamoto and flipped open my sketchbook, and started sketching out a portal, which appeared behind me. I drew an arrow next to it and started to write where I wanted to go near the arrow. However, I was rudely interrupted when Soifon decided to jump out in front of me and scare the living crap outta my stick of a body. That, in turn, caused me to trip backwards a few steps and fall into the portal. Great, this shit again. Now I'd have to wait and see where the damned thing would drop me. Which was bad for me, since I'm very impatient. VERY.

I closed my eyes and waited for the portal to open up so I could get the hell out of there. Sure, floating in a dark and deserted portal had its fun days, but it was SO boring! And lucky me, I got my wish. I saw a light when the portal opened up and let me out. No, not the light at the end of tunnel, if you were wondering.

The first thing I saw was white. Lots and lots of white. And I don't know what gave it off, but I think I was hanging upside down. Maybe it was the dizzy feeling I'd gotten in my head all of a sudden. That, and the fact that my hair was hanging above my head-

...Hold on a second. My hair hanging above my head? A dizzy feeling? My new sexier body feeling somewhat compressed? I looked up – well, down – and found out why I was feeling all of this. It turns out that the portal hadn't let me out all the way. _That's what she said._ Instead of spitting me out, the portal closed up when I was only halfway out. Well wasn't that wonderful. "Okay, I'm REALLY starting to get a headache now..." I complained to nobody in particular.

"Did you guys hear that sound?" Wait, who said that? I scoured the area to find the source of the voice, which sounded oddly familiar. Well, it wasn't that odd, considering I was a huge Bleach fan and I'd memorized just about everything about everyone and the universe itself. But this voice... I couldn't quite put my finger on who it was. Not until I saw its owner, of course. My eyes flew up – well, down – and I saw four figures on the ceiling/floor. Four pairs of eyes were looking up/down at me. I squinted a bit to get a better look, and then I realized who'd said that.

Staring back at me like I was some crazy ass bitch – which I am a lot – were none other than the Third Espada and her fraccion. Tia Halibel, Sunsun, Apacchi and Mila Rose. And to make matters better, they were all in a hot tub...butt naked. Well, it looked like they were butt naked. I wasn't really sure. "Uhh...do you girls see what I see?" Mila Rose asked her fellow arrancar. They all exchanged glances before their stares returned to me. "Hey, girl! Are you stuck up there?"

I nodded and flailed my arms around. "PLEASE HELP ME! THIS DAMNED PORTAL'S TRYING TO EAT ME!" Sunsun waved her hand at me, like she was either brushing away my cry for help or just doing the preppy girl thing. Yuck.

"We'll help you, but first you need to lower your voice and ask us nicely. Your strange demeanor is so not attractive." That earned a slap upside her head by Apacchi. I'd have to remember to give her a handshake for that later. "Ow! What's your problem, Appachi?"

"Quit complaining about her 'dememanor' and just go help her!" she yelled at her fellow fraccion. The two of them got into a bit of an argument, until my favorite female Bleach character stepped in and broke it up.

Tia stood right up and glared at Apacchi and Sunsun. That's all she did, and all she needed to do. They immediately shut up and went back to hot tubbing, or whatever the hell it's called. And it turns out that the girls weren't naked at all. It just looked that way because of how Tia's mask covered her boobs. "That's better." The blond haired arrancar then looked back up at me. I also discovered that Tia's mask didn't look like a bra like it did in the anime. Sweet, I'd be able to enjoy Bleach the way it was meant to be enjoyed - uncensored! "Did you hear what I said?"

"Huh?" Whoops, guess she said something I didn't hear. "No, sorry, Tia. I was imagining something for a second." That made her raise an eyebrow at me.

"...You called me by my first name," she said to me. Weird, she sounded slightly confused. Almost like she was rarely, if not ever, called by her first name. "How do you know my name? Who are you?" Uh oh, here we go again. I opened my mouth to answer, but I heard a very freaky noise. It sounded like someone was trying very hard to unclog a pipe using a plunger. I quickly found the source of the sound to be the portal I was stuck in. It was making strange gushing sounds, too.

And then the damned thing FINALLY decided to let me free. The portal spit me out and sent me flying straight down, heading toward the hot tub. No no no no no! I repeated in my head, definitely stealing that from whenever Cleveland's house was destroyed while he was in the tub in Family Guy. I flailed my arms again to try and save myself, but to no avail. I went straight down...into the floor next to the hot tub. Damn, so close.


	13. Tia is Awesome

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. If the series belonged to me, I'd be rich as hell and Bleach would have no fillers._

_Okay. Who's been reading the Bleach manga lately? Anyone else feeling a little upset that Grimmjow's been forgotten in the wind? Good, then I'm not alone._

_Going back to the story, I got to meet one of my two favorite female Bleach characters, Tia Halibel! And not only her, but her fraccion as well! Now if only I'd gotten to meet Yoruichi..._

_Also, Kuzeni and Hitori are just two of my Bleach original characters that you'll meet. I just made a new one a week or two ago. I hope you like her!_

_~Infernal Blossom_

Damn, that hurt a lot! I mean, it's not every day you fall from a very tall ceiling to the floor right next to a hot tub. And face first, too. "Ow owowowowowow OW!" I kept saying over and over again while holding my face. I could feel some blood trickling out of my nose, along with another little stream of red going down my cheek. Great, just what I needed. Another gash to add to my collection. And this time, it was on my face!

"Are you alright?" Oh yeah, I'd almost forgotten that I was in the third Espada's tower. I looked up at Tia and her fraccion, who all winced simultaneously when they saw my face. "Ooh," Apacchi started, "that looks like it hurts." She helped me stand up, holding me by my shoulder so I wouldn't fall over from the slight dizziness I started to feel. "Where the hell'd you come from?" Her hand moved under my chin and pushed up so she could get a better look at my face. Sunsun came over with a wet rag to wipe off the blood, which had begun to dry and cake up. It stung like hell. What'd they put in Hueco Mundo water, acid?

But it eventually stopped stinging. Thank potatoes it did. "Thanks, Apachhi. I owe you two." I looked up at her, and she raised an eyebrow at me. "One for this, and one for correcting Sunsun when she ran her mouth." I saw Sunsun stick her tongue out at me from my peripheral vision. Ah, what a sight. The rag was removed from my face, and strangely, I felt a lot better than when I first arrived here. No, I mean BEFORE I crash-landed into the floor. Duh.

...Then I remembered. I'd called Tia and Apachhi by their first names. I knew who they were, of course, but they didn't know who the hell I was. "Oh. Right. I...called you guys by your names, didn't I?" Everyone nodded. "And...I have some explaining to do, don't I?" They all nodded again. "Okay. I can do that. But you've all got to promise that no matter what I say, you won't kill me. Can you do that for me?" The four women exchanged glances. After what seemed forever with their telepathic meeting, Tia stepped forward.

"Alright," she started, "You have our word." Hearing her say that put a big smile on my face. "Just let us change first. Once we're all settled, you can begin to explain who you are and how you got here." Right as she said that, my favorite female arrancar froze. Although her face was hidden behind her mask, her eyes told me everything.

Either Ulquiorra or Aizen was on their way here. And they were close.

"Crap, him again. Damned bat boy," Mila Rose muttered. Okay, so it was only Ulquiorra. I breathed a sigh of relief. She turned to me and, like the other women, raised an eyebrow. Why were they all staring at me like I was some crazy busty midget? …Oh yeah, because I was. "By that sigh of yours, I'm guessing you know who Ulquiorra is too. Aizen also."

I felt a cold shiver crawl down my spine at the mentioning of Aizen. "Yeah, unfortunately. I hate him so much-" I would've finished my sentence, but Ulquiorra's footsteps were getting louder. He was who knows how close.

"Hide her in the closet." Wait, WHAT? Without a warning, the three fraccion grabbed me and shoved me into what I suspected to be Tia's closet. Great, closet hopping again. That's just what I like to do when in another universe. Although I must say, Tia's closet was very neat. Roomy, too. I think her closet was the best one I'd landed in so far. I mean, Starrk's closet was just a mess. And Ichigo's still had the mattress inside from when it used to be Rukia's room. But Tia Halibel's closet? Everything was hung up, no Hollow dust bunnies, no possible diseases lurking around. She actually cared about her belongings.

Then I heard the familiar emo-ish voice. "What's going on in here?" Ulquiorra asked…Tia, I think. Knowing him, he'd acknowledge only another Espada besides Aizen, so he had to be referring to Tia. "I sensed an unfamiliar presence." There was a bit of a pause for, I'd say, three to six seconds, before he asked again. "Well?"

_Please_, I thought to myself, _PLEASE let them be as awesome as I thought them to be. PLEASE let them be Aizen haters too!_

I got my wish. "Can't you see, Ulquiorra? There's nobody else in here but us. You're imagining things." Wow, I never knew Tia could sound so…sarcastic. It just made her even more awesome.

"Hmm…" Bat boy didn't sound so convinced. I heard more footsteps coming into the room. I don't know if it was just my imagination, but I think he was getting closer to the closet. _Crap crap CRAP! What should I do? He's gonna find me!_ My eyes moved around frantically, searching for a something – ANYTHING – to hide me from Ulquiorra. Then I looked up and saw a large white cloth on a hanger directly above me. Without thinking twice, I pulled it down and covered myself with it. I hope this worked.

I heard the closet door open. This was the moment of truth. This would decide whether or not the one character in Bleach who REALLY needed a hug would find me and be the tattletale who would tell Aizen I was here. I stayed dead still and dead silent for what seemed forever. Then he spoke. "You forgot to fold this." Yes! I was home free! He didn't find me! Ulquiorra only mistook me for unfolded laundry! I heard him start to walk away, and then he stopped. "You're slacking, Tia Halibel." Then he left, and the door shut behind him.

I pulled the cloth off of me and ran up to Tia, giving her a big hug. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU! You're one of the most awesome people ever in Bleach!" I knew they were all looking at me weird again, but I couldn't care less. They'd just saved me from becoming puppet meat. Once I'd let her go, I latched onto the other three girls. "I owe you guys big time for this!" They nodded at me, showing their acceptance. Then I realized that they were still in their bathing suits. "Uhh, guys…" They all looked down and, after realizing it too, laughed a little. The girls went to change, leaving me alone to figure out how to explain everything to them. Even if they were on the enemy's side, these were awesome people that I trusted! Not only that, but they seemed to accept me right away AND they were nice!

…Okay, maybe not Sunsun, but the other three women were nice!

I'm glad they took their time, because it gave me time to catch up on my drawing. I sat down on one of the beanbags in the room – yeah, surprised me too – and pulled out my Bleach sketchbook. Still can't believe I almost lost this because of a frozen midget. But that was over with now, so I could focus on drawing whatever Bleach-related things popped into my head. I decided on drawing Tia and her fraccion, all in their resureccions. Strangely I hadn't drawn it yet. I don't know how much time passed from when I started to when I finished, but it came out great. Probably took me around twenty minutes. "There, finished."

"Wow, that's nice," I suddenly heard from behind me. That scared me a little, and I think I jumped up a few inches. Guess Tia and her posse were back. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you," Mila Rose apologized. The girls sat around me, looking at the picture I'd just drawn of them. They all smiled, which was all I needed to know that they loved the drawing… Although I wish I was able to see Tia smile. Man, it must suck to have a mask fragment cover most of your face and never be able to remove it.

Then the girls all turned to me. Yup, it was time for me to explain myself. I closed the sketchbook and put it back in my bookbag. "I'm just warning you guys now, this is going to sound REALLY crazy. You're most likely not gonna believe me, and you may even want to kill me a bit. So if you do feel the urge to, you know, run your blade through me or fire a cero at my ass, PLEASE don't." They all nodded. "Okay, here we go." I took a deep breath and, once again, started to tell my story.

As I explained to the arrancar girls where I came from and how I got here in the first place, I examined their faces. I wanted to see how their expressions changed as the story went on. This surprised me a lot, because besides Kisuke, they were the only ones that didn't put on WTF faces. Yeah, I missed causing people to make those faces, but I'm glad they didn't. It showed me that they sort of understood the crap that was pouring from my mouth.

After what I assumed to be around a half hour – maybe forty five minutes – I finished my explanation. "…Then I got stuck in the portal I made, and it took me a second to realize that I was in the presence of some of my favorite Bleach characters," I finished. "And when the portal spit me out, you guys know what comes next." Wow, they still didn't have WTF faces. That made me happy inside. "So, that's my story. What do you guys think?"

"In all honesty," Tia started, "That's the craziest story I've ever heard. But there's something about it that makes me believe what you said. Strange thing is, I don't know what." So Tia believed me? Sweet! And from the looks of it, so did the other girls. "I'm sure we all agree that she means no harm to us, right ladies?"

"Agreed," they all said simultaneously. I wanted to jump for joy, but I didn't. Even if I was extremely blissful right now, I didn't want them to give me any more weird looks.

And then I remembered something. "Hey, Tia." She turned to me, looking curious. "I know how just about all the guys here in Hueco Mundo are either perverts, douchebags or Aizen-" hearing me put Aizen in his own category made her fraccion laugh a little- "but I know a guy who's really into you. Now, he's a Soul Reaper, but he's a lot better than any of the asses here. I was thinking I could introduce you two, because you deserve a real man. You know, someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated." Her eyes had fallen a bit when I said this guy was a shinigami, but they lit up again when I mentioned that she deserved someone who would treat her right. And I knew that once she met him, Tia would fall for Hitori. They were paired up in a fanfiction I'd started, so why not pair them up for real?

I hung out with the girls for a few hours more, I think, then decided it was time I high-tailed it before anyone else got suspicious. But before I left, I gave them an awesome gift. I drew them a computer, cellphones to keep in contact with me, some iPods, headphones and iHome systems in my magical sketchbook. Of course, they became real. I even drew the girls some gigais so they could hang out in the world of the living any time they wanted. I can honestly say that I made four new best friends.

I drew a portal and captioned it so I could go back to Karakura Town. The trip was quick, and the portal dropped me off in an abandoned building somewhere near the high school. "Hmm...what to do now..." I paced the floor, contemplating what I should do next. "Let's see... I haven't drawn a group picture of the Vizards yet. Maybe I could do that." I thought about it for a second. "Nah, some other time." After thinking some more, I got an idea and snapped my fingers. I quickly pulled out my magical sketchbook and flipped it open once more. I was about to flip around the plot and other shit of Bleach so much! And in eleven ways, too! I drew all eleven of my Bleach original characters onto the pages and watched them come to life before my eyes.

Now standing in front of me were Kuzeni Harato, Hitori Gekidou, Komuri Harato, Hanzo Gekidou, Trevor Halibel, Shainingu Hagane, Kaichou, Saiyuri Aizen, Yuina Natsumu, Nikui Seichuu and Citlali Nikephoros.

Kuzeni Harato. Former human who died at age 22 giving birth to her son and from hemophilia. She'd be 37 if she were still alive, married too. She hand blond hair, styled just like Setsuka from Soul Calibur 4, brown eyes, freckles and Kukaku-sized boobs. Her zanpakuto: Shainingu Hagane, a metal-type. She had a locket and an engagement ring, from when she was still living. Squad 10, seat three, achieved bankai. She was in love with Grimmjow, had a very motherly personality and thought of her captain as her son. She was the first Bleach character I'd created.

Hitori Gekidou. Skater dude styled dirty blond hair and gray eyes. He, too, was a former human, who died at age 19. He'd be 30 if still alive. His death's actually a little ironic. He had a bad life and tried to commit suicide by jumping off a hotel roof, but a Hollow attack made the building collapse on him and killed him. His zanpakuto: Kaichou, a sound-type. He couldn't take anything seriously, except if it was in battle or for Tia Halibel. Squad 10, seat four, achieved bankai.

Shainingu Hagane. Silver hair, silver eyes. Looks like he's from Rukongai. He acts like a gentleman and is very protective of his master. He and Hyorinmaru are rivals.

Kaichou. Long wavy sea green hair, turquoise eyes. HUGE boobs. She tends to be quite the snob and thinks only music she likes is 'real music'. She has a rivalry with Haineko.

Saiyuri Aizen, Bitch Curl's younger sister. Squad 8, seat five. Looks a lot like her brother without glasses. Her zanpakuto, Munesanzun, is based on emotional illusions. Its powers are almost identical to Kyoka Suigetsu. Saiyuri's like a mix of her brother and Kira. She's very shy and thinks of Ukitake as a real big brother.

Trevor Halibel, Tia's older brother. He's a crocodile based arrancar. Looks and dresses a lot like her, including mask fragment. He's very protective of Tia, so Hitori better watch out. His personality's a lot like shainingu Hagane.

Komuri Harato, twin sister of Kuzeni. Totally obsessed with her looks. Mask fragment: something like a masquerade mask. Dresses and acts like a slut. Bear based arrancar. In my stories, she killed the seventh Espada and took his place. In her bio, Gin kills her, but she doesn't know it. Her aspect of death is seduction.

Hanzo Gekidou, twin brother of Hitori. Very serious. Hummingbird based arrancar. Mask fragment: something looking like a pair of headphoenes going around the back of his head. Became Espada nine after the former one was killed. Komuri kills him – and he doesn't know – when he finally falls for her seduction. Aspect of death: treachery.

Yuina Natsumu, my one and only Vizard. Magenta pinkish hair, purple eyes. Orihime sized boobs. She used to be third seat of Squad 3 and best friend to Soifon. But after a Hollow attack that poisoned her, Mayuri tried to create an antidote from the poison and ended up Hollowifying her. Yoruichi rescued her and she joined the Vizards. She's oblivious to Shinji hitting on her. She also tends to apologize when attacking her enemies, which Kensei absolutely despises. Her zanpakuto: Genshuku, a gravity type.

Citlali Nikephoros, Ulquiorra's fraccion. A jellyfish type Hollow. Long blue hair wrapped into a long ponytail and orange eyes. Same personality as Ulquiorra. Enough said.

And finally, Nikui Seichuu. She has black hair, black eyes and was formerly a member of Squad 1. She and Unohana were very close, until Nikui defected so she could follow the love of her life...Sosuke Aizen. Yeah, I made Aizen a girlfriend. So what? She's a kido master.

"Guys, I've got a proposition for you. I've brought you all to life for a very important reason. You eleven arrancars, shinigami, Vizard and zanpakuto spirits are my Bleach original characters. Right now we're in the Bleach universe. And since I'm bored, I say it's time we stir up some fun. So go ahead and join the Bleach world!" Everyone nodded and dispersed accordingly. Kaichou and Shainingu Hagane returned into their owners' zanpakutos. Kuzeni, Hitori and Saiyuri opened a Senkaimon and headed for the Soul Society. Yuina ran off to join the Vizards. Komuri opened a Garganta and headed into it, with Trevor, Hanzo, Citlali and Nikui following behind her.

I drew a comfortable recliner with cup holders, some snacks, three television sets and a remote. The first TV was set to follow the Soul Reapers, the second my Vizard, and the third for Nikui and the arrancars. I sipped my Brisk iced tea and had a few barbecued Pringles. This was going to be interesting.


	14. Yuina is Sweet

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo, and he belongs to himself. If they belonged to me, you'd know. How? Well, this story is proof enough._

_So yeah, I've decided to raise some hell in eleven different ways. And over the past few days, I think my mind may have created ANOTHER Bleach OC without telling me xD I'll leave it up to my viewers on whether or not I should introduce her._

_On another note, I've edited Nikui and Yuina slightly. I put that Yuina used to be in Squad 3, when I actually meant Squad 2 xD And instead of Nikui having black eyes, they're now pale pink. She's also the granddaughter of the head captain, she's extremely graceful and her zanpakuto has the power of paralysis. Sweet, huh?_

_Another side note, this chapter features various Bleach pairings. PLEASE, no reviews that say who you believe should be paired up with who! This is, clearly, MY fanfiction. And clearly, MY view on who belongs with who. So like I said, NO flames! They'll be thrown back at you. Besides, I'm the Infernal Blossom. I'm made of fire, so it won't effect me xD_

_Okay, let's get this show on the road! Let chaos rain down on the Bleach world! Bring forth the disturbed and confused faces of all our favorite characters! Hadou # 100..._

_...Yeah, I'll just let you all finish that._

_Remember, check my __**deviantART**__ gallery for pictures of me and my OCs. Link's on my profile!_

I couldn't wait to see what my eleven different ways of raising hell in the Bleach universe would do to...well, raise hell in the Bleach universe. The old plot line for Bleach was actually boring me a little. It needed more excitement. You know, no censorship for violence or slutty-looking clothing, and other stuff like that. However, even with all that AND everything I'd added, it still felt like something was missing. But what could possibly be missing from the Bleach universe if you take away the censorship and add your own original characters?

...Wait a second. That's it! What the Bleach universe has been missing since the manga's debut. Romance! I turned on all three television sets – each set to watch the specific places I'd drawn them to – and pulled out my notebook. I flipped over to a clean page and wrote at the top of the page: 'Bleach Couples That I'll Make Come True While I'm In The Bleach Universe'. Long title, I know, but I like to get my point across the first time around. So like I was saying, I began to think of which characters belong with which people, including my OCs, of course.

"Aha!" I wrote down the first couple that popped into my head. Yoruichi Shihoin and Kisuke Urahara. I mean, they were MEANT for each other! It's been obvious to me ever since I discovered that they'd been so close for over 100 years. I'd decided to make it my personal mission to have them in each other's arms, no matter how long it took. "Hmm...next is-"

"Who the hell're you?" I suddenly heard from one of the flashing screens. A voice almost as annoying as mine, yelling at...one of my OCs? Sweet, someone made contact already! The sound came from the middle television, the one focused on the Vizards. From the looks of it, Yuina had successfully infiltrated the other masked freaks' hideout and introduced herself to them. And the annoying voice belonged to none other than Snaggletooth, Hiyori Sarugaki. It seemed like Shinji was already in on her origins, so that would save time and my ass.

...Oh yeah. I still had to draw a group picture of the Vizards. Ah well, next time. "I told you," Yuina started for what I guessed to be a second or third time, "I'm one of you. I was in Squad 2 eighty five years ago and accidentally hollowified by Mayuri Kurotsuchi." The rest of the masked people exchanged glances.

Kensei started twirling around his hunting knife shaped zanpakuto. "So you expect us to believe that you're legit?" Yuina smiled warmly and nodded. "Right... And you expect us to allow you to become part of our group because you're a Vizard and know everything about us?" She again nodded.

Shinji stood up, removing his busboy hat. "Guys, guys. She's cool. She's a friend of a girl I know. Yuina here is perfectly safe." He snaked his arm around the purple eyed girl's shoulder. "If she says she's on our side, then she's on our side." Shinji looked down at his new eye candy. "So, care to show us your Hollow powers?" She nodded once again and took a few steps back before doning her Hollow mask.

I swear, designing Yuina's hollow mask was the hardest part of creating her. It took me at least a week to come up with a design I found awesome. The top half – stretching from her forehead to her cheekbones – is completely round. There are two holes for her eyes to see through, which turn orange when hollowified. Around the top, there are five horns sticking out from the edges. Each one is purple, and the bottom two have something looking like a thin chain hanging off the points. The bottom half of her hollow mask features a full set of pointy teeth and a small part sticking out for her nose. Overall, I think it's a sexy mask. I'll draw it to show you all sometime.

Anyway, I left Yuina to have fun with her newfound friends. I tuned into the Soul Society television to check out what was going on in the Seireitei with my other OCs. My Soul Reapers already seemed to be fitting in. Damn, that was quick. Saiyuri, Aizen's timid younger sister, had settled into Squad 8 and caught Kyoraku's and Ukitake's attention. It even seemed like Izuru was glancing at her with a soft smile. Aw, those two would make such a cute couple. "Hey, there's another pairing I had to make happen!" I said to myself. I wrote that down underneath Kisuke and Yoruichi and continued to watch the Soul Society Channel. It looked like just about everyone had warmed up to Kuzeni. And I can see why. She'd baked marble cakes for everyone as her way of introducing herself to the Gotei Thirteen. I made it so her cooking's the total opposite of Orihime's. As in, not only edible, but absolutely delicious. It was food so good that Flaming Grandpa would eat it and cry tears of joy. Yes, it's THAT freaking serious. It even looked like Ikkaku had accepted her as his rival – which was perfect – and she and Kenpachi were like brother and sister. Even Hitori was having a great time. He was teaching Shuuhei how to play the guitar. They looked like they'd be great friends right away.

"I gotta say, Kuzeni," Renji started, "this dessert is delicious! What's in it?"

Kuzeni couldn't help but to smile at his comment. Another satisfied customer. "Nothing much, just some vanilla and a hint of chocolate-"

All of a sudden, Yachiru stood up out of nowhere. I couldn't tell whether or not she looked a little annoyed or a little constipated. No, NOT in the way that all male Dragon Ball Z characters that can fly do when powering up. "Chocolate?" she asked. "Did you say...chocolate?" Oh hell to the fucking NO. She was about to copy Spongebob. Sugar Bubbles tightened her little fists and looked like she was powering up. It was like watching Consecrated Light going Super Saiyan 12. "Chocolate...CHOCOLATE..." Oh shit.

"**CHOCOLATE!"** I quickily turned off the Soul Society television, not wanting to see what would happen to poor Kuzeni. She'd probably have to run away and hide for a while until Yachiru calmed down. Either that or go bankai. Whichever one is quicker for her.

Okay! Moving on, I tuned in to the Hueco Mundo television. My final five OCs had gone on there. The people there, however, didn't seem to be taking it so well. Ulquiorra and Citlali – the 't' is silent, by the way – were staring each other down. That kind of creeped me out because I didn't know whether they were gonna duke it out or head to his room to 'duke it out'.

And speaking of Ulquiorra, I remembered a conversation my friend and I had about Bat Boy's personality. He concluded that Ulquiorra's personality is not that of nihilism. In fact, it's because he gets laid. A LOT. The constant sex results in his emotion being drained out, and the time where he's not getting laid seems like a chore. He'll go up to a girl and say, "I cut myself to remind me that this shell of a body is still considered alive." And the girl would fall to her knees and reply, "Take me now!" In Citlali's case, I think he'll look her up and down, sigh heavily and say that she'll have to do.

Anyway, back to the Las Noches Channel. Things looked like they were getting a little better. Trevor and Tia met, and they didn't exchange a single word before embracing in a big brother – little sister kind of hug. That made my day. Komuri and Hanzo were named the seventh and ninth Espadas after one of Szayel's fraccion found Zommari and the Kaien-whatshisface-Octoman's bodies out in the desert. And Nikui...

Nikui was the one I was actually most worried about. That was only because of who her love interest is. If you guys remember me telling you, it's Bitch Curl. And if you know Aizen like I do, he isn't exactly the most...how do you say... 'pleasant' of people. He approached Nikui, and I could tell he was examining her closely. The way he stared at her made me wonder if he could see into her soul. Ha, Bleach pun.

Then he did something that freaked me out more than Ulquiorra's eyes on Citlali. I'm not sure if it was my imagination playing tricks on me, but I could've sworn that for a split second, Aizen glance at me. And I really mean, _AT ME_. That sent a shiver down my spine. I couldn't tell if it'd really happened or not, because his eyes seemed like they'd been on Nikui the entire time. "Welcome to Las Noches, my dear," he mused, taking her hand and kissing the top of it. I wanted to puke. "I do hope you enjoy your stay here."

"Staying with you would be the utmost honor, Lord Aizen." Why did I create her, WHY?

Okay, that was enough of that. I turned off that TV and contemplated on what to do next. I was bored out of my mind. AGAIN. "Hmm..." Maybe I could create a Hollow? Yeah, maybe one that looks like a three-headed dragon!

...Nah, that's stupid. It'd just get killed, anyway. "Hmm..." I said again. Oh! Maybe I could give Tousen a girlfriend! But to fuck with him, I'd make her deaf! No, that's stupid too. Funny, but stupid. I sighed. "Damn, there's gotta be SOMETHING I can-"

"_**Jo Weizu..."**_

What the hell? "Who said that?" I sorta shouted. There wasn't anybody around. I checked outside. Nope, the place was all mine. Must've been my imagination screwing with me again-

"_**JO WEIZU!"**_ I heard again. And this time, it sounded a lot louder, more obnoxious and...Japanese sounding? There weren't any Bleach characters that had a Japanese accent. And if they were, they were probably characters from a filler arc. Basically, not important. _**"You have to stop messing with the Bleach universe,"**_ the voice told me. It sounded like a guy speaking. _**"The fans won't like what you're doing to everything."**_

"Screw you, Voice Man!" I yelled back. I would've given him the finger, except for the fact that he was a voice and nothing else. And as far as I know, you can't flip off a voice if you don't know where it's coming from. "The fans of Bleach will freaking LOVE what I'm doing to the place! I'm adding excitement, creating romance and a whole bunch of other things I don't remember! Besides, it's not like anything's gonna really change. This is all just a wild carrot cake-induced dream. So who are you to say that I shouldn't 'mess with the Bleach universe'? It's not like you created Bleach or anything." I crossed my arms, and for some reason, felt accomplished at what I'd said.

The voice took a few seconds to respond. _**"...Actually, I can. I'm Tite Kubo."**_ Okay, okay, hold on... WHAT THE FUCK? My jaw dropped. Was I really speaking to THE Tite Kubo? ...Well, the voice of THE Tite Kubo. I must've been hallucinating. Ah, who cares? It's the creator of freaking Bleach! _**"And this isn't a dream, Jo Weizu. You really did enter the Bleach universe, and you really are screwing with Bleach's plot and character interaction. This isn't how I wanted it to turn out! There can't be two gods in one anime. That's absurd!"**_

Alright. This was easily going from freaky to hilarious. "What do you mean, two gods?"

"_**I mean exactly what I say. Bleach is only supposed to have one god, and that's Sosuke Aizen. Your intruding into my bestseller has created chaos!"**_

"So what you're saying is that...I'm the second god of Bleach?" A grin worked its way onto my face. "Sweet. But I gotta admit, you're right about the one-god policy." I thought about that for a moment. Then one came to mind. "I know! I'll just kill Aizen and become the NEW god of Bleach!"

Then... Kubo started laughing. Like, dying laughing, as if he'd witnessed one of the WTF faces I'd made Toshiro have. Which I'm pretty sure he did see. _**"Do you really think you'll be able to stop Sosuke Aizen? I created him, and I don't even know how to stop him for good! Why? Because me making him broken was part of his plan!"**_ DAYUM. Makes me wonder what he was on when creating Aizen. _**"Aizen can't be stopped, especially not by you. Not until I've written it."**_

"Pssh." I flapped a hand in the air. "Come on, Kubo. You almost sound like you're scared of Aizen. But you won't have to worry about ol' Bitch Curl anymore, because I'm about to take care of him once and for all." Kubo sighed.

"_**Don't say I didn't warn you. Remember this, though. Just because your sketchbook can create and erase reality, that doesn't mean that it can erase Aizen from Bleach."**_ And with that, the presence of Tite Kubo's voice vanished.

"Oh, please. You're just overreacting." And I decided to prove him wrong. I turned back on the Hueco Mundo telelvision and got out my magical sketchbook. Aizen was all alone in his quarters. Perfect! I drew him on the paper in front of me – eww – and that took me only a few minutes. I thought about how to go about killing him, and I settled on decapitation by axe. Why? Simply because I wanted to watch a fountain of thick crimson liquid spew out from his neck as his body danced around like a headless chicken. Wouldn't that be a beautiful sight?

Next to the drawing, I drew an arrow and wrote 'Life Size Aizen Voodoo Doll'. The doll popped out of my sketchbook and landed right in front of me. Next, I drew a nice, sharp axe, which I made lightweight so I could swing it. I took a minute to line up my shot perfectly, lifted the axe and swung with all my might. The blade made contact with Voodoo Aizen's neck...

...And I was suddenly pushed backwards. "Huh? What the hell?" Okay, what just happened? It was almost like some kind of shield was around the Voodoo Aizen, almost like my Anti- Shinji, Toshiro and Aizen shield. "Strange..." I picked up the axe and repeated my maneuver. And this time, I saw what went wrong.

The blade of my axe didn't really make contact with Voodoo Aizen's neck. In fact, it hit the same exact force field that Ichigo's Getsuga Tenshou hit when he broke out of Hueco Mundo and tried to sneak attach Bitch Curl. My eyes slowly went from the dummy to the television screen. What I saw proved this theory wrong, and my other theory from before right.

Aizen was looking straight at me, with the same malevolent expression as always. But this one seemed a bit different. I don't know why, but it just did. I immediately ran back to my sketchbook. The page where I'd drawn Aizen and the axe had somehow torn itself in half. The axe itself had broken into many pieces, the same for the voodoo doll. As my gaze turned back to Aizen, I could feel my right arm begin to shake violently. That only happened when I experienced stress, anger or fear. My eyes widened and drew down to his hand, and I saw a bright orange flower in his grasp. I looked back up at his face, and his grin grew wider. I stood frozen in fear, feeling as if my heart would stop any second now, realizing something that would change my life here forever.

Sosuke Aizen knew I was in the Bleach universe.


	15. Nikui is Elegant

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo, and he belongs to himself. If they belonged to me, you would know, because he wouldn't have told me to stop what I'm doing to __**Bleach**__._

_Well...THAT certainly was an 'interesting' chapter. I just learned that not only am I the second god-modded 'character' of __**Bleach**__, but I can't even kill the freakin' first god! What the hell, man? That's not fair! Oh well. Guess I'll just have to make Kubo write out Aizen's death before Aizen finds out and, you know, finishes him with his Bitch Curl of DOOM._

_...Wait. Why can't I kill him? Better yet, why have my attempts to escape the Bleach universe via portal failed?_

_Well I think that's all for now. Oh, wait! One more thing! This here's a special chapter for you all! Why? Because for the first time in the story, we're gonna switch the view of the person who's talking! This chapter's speaker? Aizen xD_

_One more thing. A HUGE thanks to __**Inky Battlefield**__ for putting on the persona of Aizen and helping me write this chapter~!_

**Aizen**

The Hougyoku laid in my hand, different shades of purples and blues swirling around in it. I still found it hard to believe that Kisuke Urahara thought he could hide it from me by placing it into a Soul Reaper. The fool underestimated me. That was one of the factors that had led to his downfall over one hundred years ago. But he _was_ useful for one thing, if any. I hadn't been able to create the Hougyoku. He'd done that for me, and now I was on the path of completely awakening its true power.

Once that's done, godhood will finally be within my grasp. It's time that I'd cast aside this paltry title of "Soul Reaper". One wouldn't do a mountain justice to call it an insect, after all. And yet… a thought crossed my mind, skittering about like the insignificant one it pertained to. But, that would have to be for another time. Kaname entered the room, seeming a little out of sorts.

"Lord Aizen," he started as he bowed before me, "There are some people here who wish to see you immediately. They don't seem to pose a threat, but I suggest you proceed with caution. There's something…odd about these newcomers." My arrancars, who were with me at the time, shared mixed expressions with one another. Strange enough, two of them were missing. Zommari Rureaux and Aaroniero Arruruerie.

Newcomers? I hadn't been expecting anyone, not even the ryoka boy. Still, considering they weren't killed on sight must show they carry some potential. "Well, it would be rather unkind of us to leave them out in the cold," I answered. "Why don't we go greet our guests?" Kaname nodded and opened the door. "Enter."

Four people walked in. The first, a blond woman whom shot me an enticing glare. It appeared she had a penchant for seduction, which could be a useful tool in the right hands. A glance down at her revealing outfit brought my attention to the tattoo lingering on the exposed skin. A seven. It appeared that one of my lower ranking Espada had been overthrown, by an interesting arrancar nonetheless.

The second followed right behind her. He seemed quite cold, shooting a suspicious glare at everyone he passed. Despite his barbed nature, he stayed close to the blond woman. They were clearly an interesting pair.

The third arrancar to enter bore a striking resemblance to my Tercera Espada. I could tell he was connected to her in some way. The fourth of my guests was a fragile looking girl, having the same dead expression plastered on her face as Ulquiorra.

"Lord Aizen," they all said in unison as they bowed before me. Then their glances turned to the door. Everyone in the room copied their motion.

I could barely hear a single footstep as my final guest entered. She moved with such grace, and she seemed to carry an air of regality with each movement. It was clear that she was a shinigami, but unlike any one I've ever encountered before.

It would be fair to say that her physical beauty was truly without match. A look into her subtly rose-colored eyes betrayed a sense of serenity within her, and had a profound calming effect to them. They contrasted brilliantly with her silken ebony locks, which flowed down gracefully to the small of her back. Her choice of dress only reinforced her air of almost divine elegance. An off the shoulder ball gown was only fitting for her, which she seemed to wear effortlessly, despite the lengthy train that followed her like an endless river. It was clear that she was used to keeping a sense of authority and, on a greater note, royalty, about her. I couldn't help but notice that she was rather shapely as well, although she was clearly not one for flamboyance. I'd be willing to wager that many a man had fallen victim to her hypnotizing curves, and yet her unrelenting grace had managed to strike a tantalizing balance of angelic beauty, and raw seduction. Quite a rare combination indeed… Her soft, almost cherubic, smile completed her angelic visage that could melt the heart of even the most strong minded man. Unfortunately for her, I am not a mere man. Gods cannot be bothered by physical charm.

"Lord Aizen," she repeated, bowing as well, "We have come to serve you." Even her voice had an etheral sound to it. It was almost theraputc, to say the least.

She was certainly a curious one. "Have you? If that's the case, you should have no qualms about telling me just who you are."

Then the smile on her face grew. "Of course. Where are my manners?" She rose and met my gaze, not seeming the slightest bit afraid. "I am Nikui Seichuu, granddaughter of Genryusai Yamamoto and former third seat of Squad 1." She moved aside and raised her hand to the other newcomers. "These are Komuri Harato, Hanzo Gekidou, Citlali Nkephoros and Trevor Halibel. All loyal arrancar who wish to lend you their power. Hanzo and Komuri have also become the new seventh and ninth Espada."

Interesting. "So...Am I to understand that you've slayed members of my Espada and taken their positions?" I asked, turning to the blond woman and her comrade.

"Slay?" Komuri started. She scoffed and crossed her arms. "That is such a gross understatement. We destroyed those poor excuses for arrancar – Espada, nonetheless – and threw their remains in the desert. All without sparing a single breath."

"The fact that such weakness could even hold the title of Espada is alarming. But, we've taken the liberty of bloodily rectifying that issue," Hanzo continued.

I nodded at their commentary. "Such aggression... That will serve you well in your new titles." I glanced at the other two arrancar. Trevor Halibel, whom I now identified as my Tercera's sibling, met with her for the first time. Their embrace was like that of true members of the same family. Citlali, the fragile blue-haired girl, seemed to be an equal match for Ulquiorra, both with their unwavering emotions. A powerful army that had included five more in its numbers...I was quite satisfied. I rose from my throne and flash stepped down to Nikui, taking her hand and kissing it lightly atop her knuckles. "Welcome to Las Noches, my dear. I do hope you enjoy your stay here."

Her angelic smile appeared once more. "It would be the utmost honor to serve under you, Lord Aizen. My only wish is that I can please you in any way possible."

"Now, now..." My lips traced down her fingers. "I'm sure with your skills, you'll have no problem...pleasing me. Perhaps we can discuss more options in my quarters later this evening."

"I wouldn't miss it," she replied, and her hand slipped out of my grasp. Nikui turned and began toward the door. The very hand my lips had touched went to push forward, but suddenly paused. If it weren't for the light lavener scent that arose when her hair waved in the sudden breeze, I wouldn't have realized she'd flash stepped beside me. "And I truly did mean, in ANY way possible." She vanished again, the scent following her.

The rest of my army began to clear the room. Grimmjow seemed slightly annoyed at the fact that Komuri had started to test out her seductive prowess on him first. Trevor and Tia exited arm in arm, both of their faces plastered with bliss swirling in their eyes. Hanzo followed the blond woman closely, but he kept a distance and incredulous glare as he passed through the doorway. Citlali stayed behind my Cuarta and he didn't protest, which caught me a little by surprise, I admit. I hadn't expected Ulquiorra to open up so easily to anyone on his own, especially a low ranking arrancar.

Something peculiar had occurred in Hueco Mundo. And if my guess was correct, this arrival of newcomers wouldn't stop here. I suspected the Seireitei would have new recruits arriving out of nowhere as well, some with exceptional ranks obtained by unknown means. Even the Vizards, my failed experiments, were likely to get a new comrade. What would cause such and occurance?

This sudden swell in ranks from all sides is indeed a cause for concern, but it isn't a cause for panic by any means. As long as the Hougyoku is in my possession, shinigami are no match for me, regardless of their skills. As for the Vizards… Well, they're failures for good cause. It's a matter that I'll have to investigate further, but there is no need to rush. The answer will reveal itself in due time. In the median, I believe my time will be more strategically spent testing the loyalties of my new underlings, specifically the one called Nikui… Let us see just what Yamamoto's granddaughter is capable of.

As I made my way back to my quarters, I could only ponder where my new pawns had arrived from. In all my years going back and forth between the Soul Society and Hueco Mundo, I'd never come across these arrancar or Nikui. I'd never even heard of Yamamoto having a granddaughter. This was all quite suspicious. There was someone out there like myself, one who had the power to create new beings. I tried to comprehend how that was possible. This 'someone' would've needed an incredible power source to do such a thing, and I was in possession of the Hougyoku.

The out of the corner of my eye, I saw something. A flash of bright orange. I glanced toward where the orange appeared and saw Lilynette skipping down the hallway. She was grinning and humming to herself. The flash of orange appeared again as she turned to me. "What is it, Lord Aizen?" In her hair, right beneath where her helmet ended, was an orange flower pin. I never recalled seeing her, or any other female in Las Noches, wearing anything remotely close to an orange flower hairpin.

"May I see that flower in you hair?" I asked her. Lilynette nodded and pulled the flower out from her light green locks. She placed it in my hand and walked away, seeming to forget about it. The moment the flower came into contact with my skin, I knew it was no ordinary hairpin. Reiatsu stuck to it like glue, and an immense reiatsu it was. Immense, but unrefined. It was almost like looking at Ichigo when he and the other ryoka first invaded the Soul Society. Almost... Not quite, though. This reiatsu had much more unstability. Its owner had almost no control over it. I closed my eyes and began to visualize the owner of this strange reiatsu.

It was a girl, caught in the stages right before adulthood. She had quite the figure for someone with such a small frame, but seemed to carry herself well. Her brown eyes matched her flowing brown curls, which had flaming hues of orange in them. Her cheek were heavily freckled, giving her a touch of innocence. And resting in her hair was an orange flower, identical to the one in my hand.

Then her eyes flickered to meet mine, and she froze solid. It was almost like she knew I was seeing her. Her eyes widened and slowly moved down to my hand, to her flower. They remained there for a moment before moving back up to my face. This time, I saw it all. She knew who I was, and everything else there is to know about me. She was the one with that mysterious power which mimicked mine, to create new beings, the power I needed – no, desired. How she did, I had no clue yet. But I would soon enough. I shot her a grin, letting her know I was on to her. She looked like she'd stopped breathing. Her skin turned pale. She read my grin. After a few moments, the girl finally managed to move, and vanished into thin air.

It seemed as if it was becoming all too simple. Not that I expected anything different. The Soul Society is far too predictable to catch me by surprise, and they're further still from overtaking me. Holding the key to godhood only reinforced this fact. Still… There was the one. That girl, with the book. She'd appeared out of thin air, and had only proven my interest in her has been well placed since. She'd make a valuable ally, and a worthy pawn… Her unruliness would be her weakness, though. I've enough to deal with concerning Grimmjow, who's less than bridled. No use in dwelling on such trivial thoughts, however. Soon the girl would be in my presence, and I would use her power to be one step closer to bringing down the Soul King.

All I needed was Jo Weizu.


	16. Yoruichi is Magnificent

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo, and he belongs to himself. If all that were in my possession, Aizen would've been kicked out a LONG ass time ago._

_DAMN, that last chapter nearly killed me. REALLY. I don't think I'm EVER gonna write a chapter in Aizen's point of view again. I had so many freakin' brain farts writing the few paragraphs I actually DID in his point of view. The rest was done by my buddy __**Inky Battlefield**__, who ALSO had a crapload of brain farts while trying to act out Aizen xD Basically, this was worse than when I cosplayed as Aizen. At least I had time to practice acting like him xD_

_So anyway, here's a Christmas gift for you all: a chapter being put up BEFORE the other one's been up for a week. Merry Christmas to you all~! And to all, no leaving Santa any reindeer chocolate. It gives him gas._

I had to get out of here. I needed to wake up from this dream. Like, NOW. Yeah, it was fun in the beginning, especially when I met some of my favorite characters. Yeah, I made it more fun by adding my original characters into the Bleach universe. But seeing how Bitch Curl eyed me like some kind of delectable piece of meat just… Honestly, it creeped me the fuck out. Much worse than Shinji did. I could deal with him.

My body finally decided to let me move, even though I knew that Aizen was still staring at me. I just tried to ignore him as best as possible. I quickly turned off all the television sets and stared to pack my bag. It had gotten really dark outside, so I went to my sketchbook to draw myself a flashlight. I took the pencil and went to turn the page, but stopped when I saw the torn page with Aizen's picture on it. Even on paper, his malevolent smirk mocked me, as if to say 'Haha bitch!' "Bastard," I mumbled. No only to him, but also to Kubo for creating him. Obviously, I couldn't allow a torn sheet of paper remain in my sketchbook, so I ripped it out and drew my flashlight on the next clean page. It popped up from the paper almost immediately.

Once I had my flashlight, I packed the rest of my stuff and left the building. I wanted to go somewhere – ANYWHERE – that could help me wake up from, what had quickly become a second nightmare. But where? Was there even such a place that could assist in that? I thought about it for a second. Maybe if I went back to the spot where I'd first woken up, I could escape and wake up in the middle of class or something like that. So that's where I ran to – the spot by the river where I first 'woke up'. When I arrived, it was dead silent. Kind of ironic for the Bleach world. There was even less sound than when I'd first opened my eyes a few days ago. How many days had it been now? Two, three, maybe? Ah well. I stood in the exact spot where I entered the Bleach universe and yelled, "Alright! I'm ready to wake up! Get me the hell outta here!"

No response.

"Hello?" Still no response. No hearing Kubo's voice, no portals opening up. Nothing. Okay, I was starting to get pissed off. A lot. I drew my katana, which I'd almost forgotten was on my back, and started swinging it around in a fit of anger. Now normally, I'm able to keep my anger in check and remain level headed. But this time I snapped. "Dammit, Kubo! Let me wake up from this dream already! I'm done with this shit! Someone wake me the fuck UP!" My blade hit the ground, the hilt sliding out of my grasp. I panted. Swinging around something metal and weighted for that long and with my little bit of strength tired a person out pretty easily. I put my sword back in its sheath and went down to the river to relax myself. I knelt beside the river and sighed heavily. "Why'd this have to happen to me? I mean, yeah, it's great to be hanging out with the cast of Bleach, but…"

That's when I felt something wet and warm moving down my face. No, it's NOT what you perverts are thinking. I reached my hand to my eyes and felt it again. I was crying.

Wait, I was crying? Because old ass Bitch Curl had found out about my existence? Because I knew he would come after me? Because…

Because I was afraid of him?

…No, I wouldn't allow it. I couldn't let myself give into fear or anything, INCLUDING Sosuke Aizen. I was going to wake up from this dream and return to reality, one way or another. I wiped my face and stood up, heading for the one person I knew could help me. My legs moved as fast as they could, not slowing down for a second.

When my legs finally did stop, I was in front of Kisuke's place. I was so glad to see light and shadows moving around inside. God knows what I would've done if nobody was home. I knocked on the door, which immediately opened to my surprise. Mr. Hat-n'-Clogs had answered, lucky for me. "Jo," he started, "what a nice surprise!" He stepped to the side so I could come inside. I looked up at the clock on his wall. 11:30? Already? What the hell had I been doing all day? "So what brings you here so late? I thought you'd be with Ichigo around now."

Oh…right. I forgot that I'd ditched Carrot Top back in the Soul Society. "Oh yeah. You see, well, I sort of left him behind in the Seireitei. He and Toshiro tried to man-handle me into Flaming Grandpa's clutches. And I wasn't about to take that kind of shit from them, so I left." I'd been rubbing the back of my head the entire time I explained it to him. Yeah, I was starting to regret ditching Ichigo. "Anyway, Kisuke, there was something I needed to ask you." He nodded and waited for me to continue.

I would've, but I caught sight of something I'd been searching for ever since I'd arrive here in the first place. Long purple hair went into the next room, and I heard some familiar voices. Could it be…? I moved past Kisuke and followed the hair. "Wait! What was it you wanted to ask me?" I turned back to him as I was walking, but I bumped into something. "Ow!" I fell on my ass and looked up to see what I'd bumped in to.

"Oh, sorry 'bout that." Gold eyes started down at me, slightly covered by purple hair. A smirk completed the expression, and she helped me back up on my feet. "You must be Jo Weizu. Kisuke's told me all about you and your freaky powers."

Yeah, as if _her_ power to turn into a cat with a male voice wasn't freaky. "Yoruichi!" I yelled, nearly tackle glomping her. "Oh my god, Yoruichi! I finally get the chance to meet you! This is so awesome!"

I heard Kisuke chuckling behind me. "See? I told you she would do that." His tone suddenly changed from joking to serious. "Now, back to the more important stuff. What was it you wanted to ask me, Jo?"

Oh yeah, almost forgot about that. "Thanks for reminding me, Kisuke." I opened my mouth to ask him, but I heard a voice interrupt me. It was, of course, another familiar one. Crap...I knew whose voice it was. I sighed heavily.

"Urahara!" Ichigo yelled out loud as he walked into the shop. He was still in Soul Reaper form. "Hey, I came back for my bod-" His eyes fell on me. Shit. "YOU!" Damn, he sounded pretty devious. Carrot Top pointed at me and approached me slowly, still shooting me with his beady little eyes. "Where the hell did you run off to? Do you know how long I've been searching for you? Everyone has been bugging the fuck out because of you! I swear, you're such a little bit-"

"Woah woah woah there, Fruit Pop!" Seeing the look on Ichigo's face made me want to laugh so badly. "Don't get your hakama caught in your thong. Sheesh." We could hear Kisuke giggling like a little school girl behind us, but he'd stopped when Ichigo turned to him. And then I remembered why I'd come here in the first place – AGAIN, just great – and the shivers from before came back.

I guessed my face showed it, because Ichi seemed to calm down a bit. "Woah, calm down. You don't look so good, Jo." He placed his hand on my forehead. "You actually feel like you have a fever." Ichigo brought me into the back room and made me lay down. Aw, he actually did care... Somewhat. Kisuke fanned me with his fan – that made me crack up – while Yoruichi brought me some tea. I downed that cup faster than anyone could've said the full name of Byakuya's bankai five times straight. Senbonzakura Kageyoshi, was it? Ha, and I didn't even use Wikipedia for that. Carrot Top looked up at Kisuke. "What'd she come here for?"

"She had something she needed to ask me," he answered, continuing to fan me. "But I don't think she should stress herself in this condition." He also placed his hand on my forehead, nodding. Did I look THAT bad?

"Aizen..." I mumbled. Everyone's eyes suddenly widened and fell on me. "Aizen is... Aizen is..."

Yoruichi put a hand on my shoulder. "Just relax. Take a deep breath, and then talk." I did as she told me. Who was I to defy the magnificent Yoruichi Shihoin? "That's better. Now, what are you trying to tell us about Aizen?"

I gulped. Great, this is _just_ the right time for me to have a lump in my throat. "I think Aizen knows about my existence – more importantly, my powers. And if he does, then...then I think he's gonna come after me." Kisuke, who also happened to be drinking tea, had a spit take. All over Ichigo's face. That made my day. Even with tea and spit dripping down his face, Carrot Top had a mix of shock and a WTF face on him. You think that would count? Hmm... You know what? It's been a while, so it counts. Ichigo WTF face counter: 13.

"Aizen..." Ichigo started. "You're talking about THE Sosuke Aizen, the former captain of Squad 5?" I nodded, and he responded with a heavy sigh and a slap to his forehead. "This is bad. REALLY bad. I mean, look at the stuff you can do with that book of yours!" He slammed his fist against the wall. "Dammit..."

Yoruichi and Kisuke looked just as concerned, maybe even more. They were both silent, and that made me feel uneasy. Finally, Kisuke spoke up. "Well, I guess this leaves us with no choice. Jo, you're going to have to go back to the Soul Society and go under the protection of the Gote-"

"No, NO WAY!" I stood up, wavering a little before gaining full control of my balance. "There's absolutely NO way I'm going back there! Especially with Toshiro and Mayuri and Yamamoto lingering around, just waiting to get their hands on me! I'm not gonna let that happen again!" I suddenly felt a small pain in my head, and in my chest, too. It made me feel sick to my guts, just like Aizen did. I leaned against the wall for support, but I never felt my hand touch it. Actually, I blacked out.


	17. Hannzo is Devious

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach**__ and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. If it all belonged to me, __**Bleach**__ wouldn't possibly be going on for TEN MORE YEARS!_

_Okay, sorry for the delay. I've been busy with some new drawings and video games. I gotta send them in if I'm going to become a video game concept artist! Oh, and I'm currently into __**Super Street Fighter IV**__ right now. Message me if you wanna play~ Also, I had to finish my college applications and what not._

_So back to the story... Aizen's a meanie because he made me cry. Kisuke's awesome for making me feel better. And Ichigo...eh, he's just Ichigo. He's really there for comical relief because I took his place as the main character. Ha ha. Take that, ya jerk._

_Anyways, here's the next chapter. I'm gonna relax for a few hours. I'm currently doing a LOT of vacationing in Peru. There's no internet access here, so this will be posted up once I return home. Which means more delays. Yay. *blows into one of those birthday blow horns I forget the name of*_

**Ichigo**

"No, NO WAY!" Jo started yelling all of a sudden. "There's absolutely NO way I'm going back there! Especially with Toshiro and Mayuri and Yamamoto lingering around, just waiting to get their hands on me! I'm not gonna let that happen again!" Then out of nowhere, she got this sickened look on her face, swayed a little and passed out. Right in Yoruichi's arms, too.

She was really out cold. Urahara shook her a few times before shaking his head. "Wow, Aizen really must've scared her to cause this," he commented. "But regardless of what she wants, Jo knows that she'll eventually have to go under the protection of the Gotei 13. Se just needs a little bit of time to let it sink in, is all." I looked back down at the loudmouth shrimp again. Why was it that she calmed down only after being scared shitless?

What a pain in the ass this girl was getting to be. And I still had to pretend she was my girlfriend at home and in school until she could get back to where she belonged. Perfect, fucking perfect. I was basically stuck with her. She's the type of person you'd have to keep in a straight jacket while on a leash inside a padded room all at the same time if you wanted to avoid a mental breakdown. And then there was the 'knowing everything about me' thing. Well if that wasn't first class stalking, I don't know what is.

"Hey, you guys still got my body?" Yoruichi pointed to the back room and picked Jo up. I, unfortunately, had to take her to my place AGAIN. I hurried into the back room and went back into my body, which was sitting all limp in the corner. I had a feeling if that little freak saw me doing this, she'd record it and put it all over the internet, and I had no time to deal with that crap. Once I was back in my body, I went over to Yoruichi and got Jo. "Thanks." Damn, she was heavy. I had no clue how Yoruichi was able to pick her up so effortlessly. Her bag was already on her back, so I didn't have to worry about her throwing a fit over her stuff.

I said my goodbyes to everyone and began the walk back to my place. It wasn't far, but carrying Jo and her book bag at the same time made it seem long. Jo slept like a freaking rock, and who knows what the hell she carries in her book bag. She makes me think her story's more of an alibi for a rebellious runaway.

I got into the house around midnight, so luckily I didn't have to worry about my father questioning why Jo was knocked out in my arms. He'd probably think I drugged her drink or something. I carried her up to my room and laid her down on the bed. Now I just had to wait until she woke up... Screw that. I tapped on her cheeks a few times to wake her up. "Come on, get up. I'm not letting you sleep on my bed."

Then she finally started opening her eyes. That was good, or else she would've slept on the floor. "Guys..." she mumbled. Who was she talking to? I was the only one in the room. She must've still been half asleep. "Guys...what's wrong?"

"Don't you remember?" I asked her when she fully woke up. Man, she must've really been out of it. "You passed out all of a sudden after you started freaking out because we wanted to take you to the Soul Society."

She stood up and glared at me a little. "Well, DUH! I don't wanna be hounded by Fiery Santa over there because I know all this stuff about you guys, especially Bitch Curl and the Espada and such. And I hate being the center of attention." Psh. Yeah, like that was the truth. I could tell she thrived on having everyone's eyes on her.

Now Jo was starting to give me a headache. She'd be the death of me if not all the Soul Reaper issues. "I could give two shits if Gramps wants you over there. That's YOUR fault! YOU'RE the one who started using your freakish powers and attracted their attention. And if that wasn't bad enough, you went right ahead and got Aizen's attention too! I wouldn't be surprised if he sent his goons after you too!"

"Hold on a second there, Gingerbread Cookie!" Great, she started again with the nicknames. "It wasn't my decision to get sucked into all this. I discovered my powers and got everyone's attention the same way you did. So don't go placing this whole blame on me! They're the ones who saw what I can do and said, 'Hmm, maybe this short little loudmouth can help me get what I want'. I didn't ask for this!" Okay, her face was getting redder by the second now. She stomped her foot on the floor a few times before turning toward the window.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

Jo didn't answer me. Instead, she turned toward me and stuck her tongue out. Then she went right ahead and jumped out the window. I yelled for her to come back in, but she'd put her headphones on and started walking away. What a little bitch.

"Ichigo!" I looked down next to me and saw Kon sitting on the window sill. "So you're just gonna let her walk out on you?"

I glanced back at the little pain in the ass, who was continuing down the block like she didn't care. She blasted her music loud, probably so she wouldn't have to her anyone if they tried to annoy her. At least we could follow her with her music at that volume. "Yeah right. She's going to the Soul Society, whether it's on her own or in a cage."

Suddenly I got an idea. I jumped out of my body and grabbed ahold of Kon. "Woah! Wait a second! What do you think you're doing? Put me down!" He started flailing his arms and legs around in an attempt to free himself.

"Shut up!" I squeezed him until the soul candy popped out of his toy of a body and put it in my body. Kon opened his eyes and stood up next to me. "Listen, I've got a plan to get her back here. She knows everything about our world, but I doubt she could tell if it's you or me inside my body."

Kon started understanding what I was getting at. "Ah, I see now. You want me to distract Jo so you can swoop in and catch her!" Then he did this weird little laugh that reminded me of Keigo. " That's perfect! She'll never know the difference!" He jumped out the window and started going after her. "Hurry up, slowpoke! You're letting her get-"

Then out of nowhere, we heard a loud scream. It didn't sound like one you'd hear from a horror movie that was out of fear, though. It was more like shock, I guess. Kon and I followed the sound, which kept repeating constantly. It didn't sound like Jo's voice, more like a woman's. "Sorry, sweetheart," she said, "but things have changed. I've decided to be my own woman and get rid of the chains holding me down."

"To be honest," another voice started, "you should've foreseen a maneuver like this." Now there was a guy over there. He sighed and continued, "Komuri, do try to make this quick. I do have plans other than watching you slaughter a human out of insecurity." Slaughtering a human? What the hell was this guy talking about?

Jo spoke after the guy. "You guys can't be serious." For once, she sounded serious. I looked out from behind the corner of a building and saw what was going on. Jo had her wanabee zanpakuto in her hands, and was pointing it at some guy and some woman. The woman was a blond who looked like she was whoring herself out to whatever men she passed by. Her friend next to her seemed very paranoid for no reason. It took me a second to realize that they weren't human. Both of them had some kind of mask fragments. Great, she attracted more arrancars. "Come on, Komuri. You wouldn't really try to kill me, would you? You've gotta be joking."

Komuri, who turned out to be the woman, started laughing at her while lifting her hand to her face. "Sorry, sweetheart, but you should already know my feelings toward other women. You created me, after all." Wait, Jo created that arrancar? Kon and I exchanged looks before turning back to them. The blond had her hand near her lips and seemed like she was about to blow a kiss at Jo. Gross. Then a ball of white energy started gathering in her hand. That wasn't a good sign. She was charging a Cero and aiming at her creator. I reached for Zangetsu and got ready to jump in, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw a gray Cero headed straight for Kon and I. We quickly evaded it and ended up in front of the little display.

The guy stared us down. Smoke was blowing off his hand. Guess he was the one who'd fired that Cero. "That was a pathetic attempt at hiding, Soul Reaper. Did you really think you could just sneak in unnoticed?" Then the smartass went ahead and rolled his eyes at me. "You Soul Reapers are all the same – all so predictable." His smoke-covered hand went down to his zanpakuto. "Why don't you just make a hasty retreat while you still can?"

I wasn't about to take any crap from this guy. I pointed my sword at him and glared. "You expect me to just run away while you two attack her? You're crazy!" This guy was starting to annoy me. Not only that, but he also seemed to start being annoyed by me.

"Really? I'm crazy?" The arrancar started making his way toward me so I readied myself, in case he decided to pull a fast one. "If anyone is crazy, it's the unfortunate excuse of a shinigami standing idly before me. It baffles me how the Soul Society could accept anyone like you as one who could stand even a fraction of a chance against the Espada, let alone Aizen." He drew his zanpakuto, and suddenly vanished. Crap, he'd sonidoed. I looked around to try and find him, but discovered where he was when I felt the tip of a blade touch my back and an arm wrap around my neck. "See what I mean? You're useless, just dead weight to those other Soul Reapers. But you won't have to worry about that, because I'll just end your life right now." Bastard.

"Wait!" Jo stepped near us, stopping when Blondie behind me dug the blade more into my back. I could feel it breaking the skin a little, and a bit of blood oozing out. She'd better hurry up, because this was starting to hurt like hell. "Hanzo, you don't want to do this." Was she REALLY trying THAT shit? Great. I'd be dead in a minute. "Trust me, there are better things to do than turn the idiot into Hollow chow." Idiot? SHE was the idiot for creating arrancars in the first place! Oh, when Gramps hears about this...- "Plus, you don't wanna kill him. I mean, look at him! He's too weak for slaughtering." You know what? Fuck Yamamoto! When I get free from this bastard's grasp, she's gonna get it SO bad...

"What are you getting at, girl? Stop wasting my time and just say it!" Man, that Komuri was turning out to be more of a bitch than Jo. And that was saying something. Speaking of the shrimp, she kind of looked a little nervous. Nervous, and probably planning something. Then, it almost looked like she smiled a bit, in a sort of conniving manner. That could only mean one thing... She had a plan to get rid of these guys.


	18. Komurii is Pissed

**Author's Note: **_**Bleach **__and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. If the whole franchise belonged to me, the Fullbring power would be WAY more awesome._

_I want to take a little detour from my usual pre-story rant for something much more important. I'm pretty sure you've all heard of the devastating earthquake-tsunami combo that hit Japan on March 11. The damage was terrible, physically, mentally and emotionally. I may not have Japanese blood in my veins, but I feel more connected to the island country than my own heritage. Every aspect of Japan catches my interest and inspires me every day in my life. Without the influence of Japanese culture in my life, I don't know where I'd be today._

_So I dedicate this chapter not only to Japan, but to the Japanese at heart. Whether it's donating something, drawing something or even lighting a candle, show your love for the great nation that introduced us to an entirely different path of enjoyment. As taught by the code of bushido, we're not giving in to disaster so easily. Japan and the rest of the world will get through this._

_Alright, here we go. One awesome AIWITBW chapter in the name of Japan. This one's for you!_

Why were Komuri and Hanzo turning on me all of a sudden? That wasn't part of our deal! Well...we hadn't really made a deal, but you get the point! How could they just decide to get rid of me, their creator? That's really messed up, man. And after all the work I put into designing them.

Wait...if they were turning on me... Aw, great. That meant Nikui and my other arrancars were gonna do the same thing. Now instead of two, it'd be five. This is just what I needed. And you know what? I was starting to crave a double Baconator. So not only were some of my own OCs out to either kill me or convert me, but I was probably going to die hungry. I don't know which one was worse. Meh, I'll let you guys decide.

"You'd better hurry up before I decide to ignore your words and kill this piece of trash anyway!" Hanzo yelled at me. Ehh...I was starting to feel a little bad for making Hanzo and Hitori twins. Hanzo's all paranoid and serious while Hitori almost never takes anything seriously. Oh well. They can always work out their differences with their zanpakutos. I couldn't deal with that now, because the twin with a stick up his ass was asking for it.

Ichigo winced a bit more, probably from Hanzo digging the blade a bit deeper into his back. I had to hurry up. "Alright, just relax and lower your weapon. Don't be so paranoid." He seemed to ease his zanpakuto a bit and Carrot Top relaxed. "There you go. Now that you're all nice and calm, I'll tell you what I meant." I glanced at Komuri for a second and smirked. Things were about to, once again, become really crazy. I waltzed up to my slut of a character and poked her right on her nose. "Who you should REALLY be attacking, Hanzo, is Komuri here. She's out to kill you."

Hanzo rolled his eyes at me. "No shit, Sherlock. As you would say, I'm paranoid, remember? Didn't you make me that way?"

"Woah woah there. Hold on a second, princess." I made my way over to him, feeling the smirk on my face growing. Carrot Top shot me a weirded out look that I ignored. Couldn't have his WTF face distracting me now, right?

...Oh yeah. He made a WTF face. Which mean we've got another one for the counter! Ichigo WTF face counter: 14. It's been a while.

Adding Ichi's WTF face to the counter, I then turned my attention back to Hanzo. "Like I originally stated, Komuri is out for your head, more so the one on your shoulders than the one between your legs. Haven't you noticed that she flirts with you a LOT more than with anyone else?" I quickly reached behind me and got my sketchbook out of my bag while talking. Neither arrancar seemed to notice, so I was safe...for now. As I continued, I started drawing out a black hole-like portal, something like a Garganta, so I could get rid of Komuri and Hanzo. "When I first created Komuri, I was going for a character that was both sexy and sadistic. I believe I got that when I observed the looks on several of the Espada's faces, especially Nnoitra and Starrk. I created you as a companion for her, and also as someone whom she'd have a challenge with luring in. I mean, there's gotta be at least ONE person that wouldn't fall for her seductive tactics so easily, right?" I spun away for a quick second, making it look like I was walking around while I actually was adding a caption to the black hole – 'Sucks Chosen Arrancars Through, Sends Them Back To Hueco Mundo'. Right underneath that I added another one in parentheses – '(Chosen arrancars will not be able to return or use Garganta for another 48 hours)'. "But there IS one teensy teeny little thing, Hanzo." The portal was finished. I looked over my shoulder back at my creations and smirked a little. "Eventually – and I don't know exactly when – you'll finally calm down to the point where you're gonna fall for Komuri. And once that happens, she'll stab you in the back, literally."

"You're not serious," Hanzo commented while raising an eyebrow at me. While he did so, I glanced a Komuri to see her reaction. I wanted to laugh so bad. She was fuming. Her face had gone as red as her lipstick, her hands were balled up into fists and she was biting down hard on her bottom lip. Slutty Blondie was gonna burst in three...two...one-

"YOU LITTLE SKANK!" she yelled at me as she reached for the zanpakuto strapped to her leg. "Do you have ANY idea who you're talking about? I am Komuri Harato, seventh Espada and Queen of Hueco Mundo! You have NO right to talk down on me!" She pulled the short blade up to her face and shot me a maniacal grin. Oh...ker-ap. I hoped she wasn't about to do what I thought she was about to do. "And if you even dare to try, you're gonna suffer deeply!" Hanzo gave her a look that said, 'What she said better not be true', but hopefully he believed my story. So long as he was distracted, I could give two shits.

I rolled my eyes at her and flapped my hand. "Pssh, please. There's nothing you could possibly do that would either scare or hurt me. I could destroy you any time I want." She growled at me and went to lick her zanpakuto's blade. That's when I swung my sketchbook in front of me and held it open while yelling, "See ya, slut!" The black hole Garganta started swirling, and both Komuri and Hanzo were sucked into the vortex. We could hear the paranoid one's prostitute friend yelling and cursing us out. Now I was laughing. The Garganta closed up, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. "Almost had to face her resureccion," I mumbled to myself. And then my stomach growled.

But unfortunately, I'd have to worry about that later. Gingerbread Cookie, who was still injured, made his way toward me. Kon, whom I'd already figured out was in his body, joined us, looking all worried. "You alright, Ichigo?" he asked his 'master'. And then he immediately clapped his hands over his mouth once Ichigo glared at him.

"You fucking idiot!" Ichi yelled at Kon, nearly pimp-handing him with Zangetsu. "We were supposed to be teaming up to nab Jo! Now you've blown our cover!" I tapped my foot loud and pouted to let on I was now annoyed and pissed at him – and he knew I was, he glanced at me – but he promptly ignored me and smacked Kon again.

"Gah! Hey, that's not nice!" Kon moved a few steps back so he couldn't be assaulted again and rubbed what was originally the side of Ichigo's head. "Here I am, trying to make sure you're okay and you attack me? I'm telling Rukia on you!" He turned around and began to run off, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Rukia! Ichigo's being a meanie! RUKIA!"

And then he was met with a foot in his face. I saw Ichigo wince from the corner of my eye. So he finally realized he'd be feeling all that the moment he returned to his body. "God, I can hear you yelling all the way on the other side of the neighborhood!" I sort of forgot that her voice was a bit annoying, so I kind of held my ears. And she noticed. "And what are you complaining about, Jo?" So she knew my name after all.

"Hey, I haven't said a damn thing." She was just mad because I was taller and about three to five cup sizes bigger than her. I couldn't blame her. I mean, I still couldn't really believe that I had the body of my deviantART ID. How did I know? Well...simple, I just knew. "So, now that the cat's out of the bag, what should we do?"

"Hello!" Ichigo yelled, now keeled over and holding his side. "Have you forgotten about me, idiot? I've still got a stab wound in my back!" Oh yeah. Almost forgot about that. I went behind him and examined the wound Hanzo had left him with. It actually wasn't as bad as I assumed it'd be, but it still looked pretty bad. I drew his back and the wound in my magic sketchbook, then erased the gash, which of course lead to his skin being instantly repaired. "There, how's that?" No stitches, and no pain. Whoopdee do. Mhm, that was sarcasm. Slightly. I think.

Anyway, now I was bored again. Today was such an event-filled day. It wore me and my imagination down a lot. I yawned out loud as I put my sketchbook back into my bag. Damn, I felt really tired. Running around at nearly one in the morning while battling your own original characters by using your magical sketchbook sure can make a person tired. And hungry, too. Fuck. Now I wanted two double Baconators.

I yawned again, louder this time. I really needed some sleep. "Hey, Ichi," I started, "I'm really tired. Can you carry me home?" He raised an annoyed eyebrow at me, like he was saying no. "Aw, come on. PWEASE? In exchange for making you all better?" I shot him my puppy eyes. Hopefully this time he wouldn't be able to resist, especially since he owed me.

"Tch." Carrot Top looked away from me and crossed his arms. "Alright, I'll carry you. But this is a one time thing, Jo. ONE. TIME." He evicted Kon from his body, put Kon's soul pill in his pocket and lifted me up. Hey, even at his most annoyed level, Ichigo could still be a nice guy. As we walked back to his place, Rukia and I had a little conversation and got to know each other better. It turns out that her favorite color is a soft lavender, she's very good at sewing and she hates vegetables. Just like me. Looks like she and I will be able to get along after all. We talked about some other stuff, but I barely remember that. I passed out halfway home.

You ever have one of those nights where you seem to have a freaky dream but you can't really pinpoint most of the details about it the next morning? That's what happened to me that night. The only things I can remember from the dream was seeing myself drawing in a spotlight and a dark background. Not like a dark room or anything, just a dark background. Usually when I'm drawing, I feel some kind of emotion, even if it's plain boredom. But in this dream, I couldn't feel anything. No emotion whatsoever. It was almost as if I was a doll, being controlled by strings or something. Then everything just faded away, and next thing I knew, it was morning. I didn't tell Rukia or Ichigo about the dream, though. I'm pretty sure I've freaked them out enough for one day.

The next few days went on 'normally', if you could call it that. We didn't see any Espada or any of my other dark-sided OCs. Things just laid low for almost a week...

Until I was taken back to Kisuke's basement for another meeting. Everyone who was in on my secret was there, even Shinji and Yoruichi. And they were all tense, too, which kind of irked me. I hate it when I'm not on the same wavelength as everyone else in the same room. Makes me feel more oblivious than I already am.

"So, who wants to be the one to break the ice and fill her in?" Kisuke asked the rest of the group. They all exchanged glances and remarks like I wasn't even there. I hate it when people do that.

Suddenly, Toshiro stood up. I somehow knew he'd be the one to, ironically, 'break the ice'. "Jo, you can't hide anything from us anymore. You'll have to tell us everything if you want to stay out of Aizen's grasp." He just had to bring up Bitch Curl, didn't he? "So we need to know the full extents of your powers."

"Alright," I answered. "Whatever you guys need. Just don't expect me to be obedient on Komamura's level." I zipped open my bookbag and pulled out my 'magic' sketchbook, opening it to the first clean page. Surprisingly, I hadn't used a lot of its paper since first getting it a week and a half ago. There were still a lot of pages that could be filled up. "With the exception of two things, I can pretty much create and do anything I please with this sketchbook. First off, I can't return to my home world. I just end up in Ichigo's closet whenever I try for some reason. The second thing is that I can't kill Aizen. I tried to last week, and that's how I realized he knows about me." I closed my eyes and remembered that day. I'd been scared shitless. And to think I cosplayed as that bastard. "However, I do know his weaknesses. And since I can't kill him, maybe one of you will be able to. Presumably Ichigo, since he's the main character of this series." Everyone glanced at Fruit Pop for a second before returning to me.

"In that case," Kisuke added, "I highly recommend you go with Captain Hitsugaya and the other Soul Reapers back to the Soul Society. Not only will you be able to help us out better, but you'll be better protected from there." I looked down at the floor and sighed heavily, which he obviously heard. "I know you don't want to feel trapped, but this is your best bet. The chances of Aizen sending any of his subordinates out to capture you would be cut down by a great deal if you were somewhere with more guards."

"...ANY of his subordinates?" Kisuke nodded. "Oh... Yeah, there's a funny little story about some of his subordinates." Everyone looked at me suspiciously. And by everyone, I mean Cotton Fluff. "Welll...you see..." Snowball started gritting his teeth. "Hypothetically, what would you guys say if I created some arrancars and a fourth shinigami who chose to defect...and happened to be Yamamoto's granddaughter?" I thought I heard something snap afterwards.


	19. Ikkaku is Violent

**Hey guys, it's Infernal Blossom! A lot's been going on in the past few months. I've turned eighteen, graduated high school, and now I'm in college.**

**I know I haven't updated in a REALLY long time, and for that I apologize. I kind of lost a lot of my interest in Bleach and got back into my Tekken hype. I'm also preparing for my first year of college, learning to drive and working on game-based art. Go check out my Tekken story, ****Blood and Iron****. I've completely rewritten it.**

**In the meantime, enjoy this chapter of AIWITBW while I pursue my dream of becoming a character concept artist for Namco Bandai Games.**

"Miss Weizu..." Toshiro started, seeming unable to finish his statement. It took me a second to figure out what that snapping noise was. Cotton Fluff had been writing down some notes about my powers as I was speaking to the group. Turned out he was using a pen to write the stuff I was saying, and when I mentioned my evil OCs, he gripped it a little too hard. Either from shock or instinctive anger. I'm not sure which one, exactly. It's not like I'm gonna ask him. What use would that have for me? It'd only be as good as Rurichiyo Kasumiyoji: filler. And honestly, who really cares if I spelled her name right? She's not important.

Anyway, yeah, he ended up getting blue ink all over his face. Which ended with me trying really hard to not laugh. But I couldn't help it. His face was priceless! So there I am, laughing, and everyone's giving me the same stare they've been giving me since our little meeting started, so you can imagine how awkward the air began to feel. Yeah, I dunno how air can feel awkward. Just go with it.

...Ugh, how the hell do I keep getting off track?

I stopped laughing because it was just getting WAY too awkward for me to handle. "...What? He splattered ink all over himself! It was funny!"

"Jo!" Ichigo started raising his voice at me. "Would you PLEASE take things seriously for once? This is a really bad issue we're dealing with, and you don't look the slightest bit phased by it!"

"What?" I asked again. "How can you expect me not to laugh at that? Come on!" I looked around at everyone, hoping to get some support. Unfortunately that wasn't the case today. They just stared back with a look of more concern and worry.

Toshiro wiped the ink on his face with his sleeve and continued. "...As I was saying, MISS WEIZU... What do you mean by what you said?"

Shit. I was hoping he would've forgotten about that. "Oh...right. Yeah, that's nothing. Just something about a dream I had last week. It's not important." Once again – and unfortunately – nobody was buying it. I was pretty fucked right now. "Alright, alright. Just...promise you won't get mad, okay?"

Uryu did his classic pushing-up-the-glasses move. "We'll see," he replied in a sarcastic-sounding monotone.

"WELLLL...," I started, trying to stall as much as possible, "when I made my set of original Bleach characters, I started out by creating only Soul Reapers and their zanpakuto spirits. You guys remember Hitori and Kuzeni, right?" Nobody answered. "O...kay... Anyway, the idea of having only shinigami or zanpakuto spirit characters was beginning to bore me. So I went ahead and created some more characters: first a Vizard – who Shinji knows – then four arrancar, and a granddaughter for Yamamoto who decided to defect with Aizen." The whole basement was dead silent for about a minute, until...

"You WHAT?" Shinji suddenly yelled, eyes wide and mouth agape. "You can't be serious!" He and Ichigo both got up and left the basement while ranting, Cotton Fluff's anger vein swelled to six times its original size, Uryu, Renji and Yoruichi face palmed, Orihime had a 'WHUT' face on, Rukia and Rangiku looked away from me, and Yumichika and Chad just sat there shaking their heads. Kisuke just remained silent and pulled his hat more over his eyes.

Ikkaku, on the other hand, marched toward me and delivered a swift punch to the side of my head. I instantly fell over and started to feel the inflicted area become swollen. I'd definitely feel that in the morning. "Are you a fucking idiot?" he yelled at me. "What in the hell could EVER possess you to create people to help Aizen? Are you even aware of what he's done, and worse, what he's PLANNING?" Cue Ball grabbed me by my shoulders and started shaking me by my shoulders. Violently. "DO YOU?"

Lucky for me, Kisuke came over and stopped Ikkaku from giving me Shaken Baby Syndrome. "Alright, Mr. Madarame. I think you've stated your point quite clearly." Chrome Dome reluctantly let me go and sat back down next to Yumichika, grumbling and constantly giving me the evil eye. I just tried to ignore him. Kisuke sat down next to me and sighed heavily. He seemed very...how do you say...un-Kisuke-ish, I guess. What? That's the only adjective I could come up with to describe how Hat-n-Clogs' expression looked. So, what, are you gonna question my logic about adjectives and attempt to correct me? Are you going to refer me to some sort of printed or online dictionary? Or worse: an English teacher or grammar school? Well if you feel so high and mighty that you just need to do that SO badly, then here's my suggestion: go buy a monkey. Yeah, I don't know what that means either. It probably means I've been watching too much Family Guy.

...So where was I? Oh, yeah. At that part. "Jo," Kisuke began – and in a strangely serious tone, too – "there's something you need to understand. And I mean, you REALLY need to understand it." Wow. He'd never been this serious before, not even in the anime. He stood up again and tightened his grip on his cane. "Awaken, Benihime." Benihime immediately went into her awesome looking shikai. "Now, give me your hand." Uh, what? Why did he want my hand? Oh well, I wasn't about to question the logic of the great Kisuke Urahara. Not like you guys tried to question mine. So I gave Kisuke my hand. He flipped it palm-side up, and then did something not even I expected. He took the edge of Benihime – the SHARP one – and slowly dragged it against my palm. Now, to all of you out there who have recently gotten one of those small annoying papercuts right near your nail...that pain doesn't compare anywhere near what I felt. I'd never had any part of my body cut by a blade as thick or as sharp as a katana before, so that made it even worse for me. "What do you feel?"

"You cutting me with Benihime," I replied, "and pain. A lot of pain." For once I wasn't being sarcastic. This shit REALLY hurt!

Kisuke let go of my hand and continued, "What you're feeling is real. None of this is a dream. I know it's hard for you to believe right now, but it's the truth." He wiped the blood off of Benihime's blade and it returned to its normal state. Everyone in the room went back to staring at me, waiting to see what I'd say. "And right now, you're in a lot of danger. Based on the information you've given us, Aizen is going to hunt you down, and that's really bad considering the power you've acquired. He'll try to use you, or he'll just steal your abilities. So you need to help us help you." Orihime knelt in front of me and healed up my hand, making the thin bloody line vanish. It felt soothing and slightly warm, sort of like a really soft blanket that was just taken out of the dryer. It felt...real, like my mother making her awesome giant waffles or being kicked in the face by my tae kwon do instructor. You get it now.

I guess that meant I really wasn't dreaming. Dammit. I was kind of hoping to wake up and have my cat or chickens nesting in my hair instead of having to REALLY deal with Bitch Curl. ...Yes, I really DO have pet chickens. But that story's for another time. "...Alright. I believe you guys now, and I'll let you help me." Everyone sighed in relief. I guess they assumed I'd run off and flip tables or something like that. "Does this mean I'll have to go talk to Grandpa, though?"

"His name's Captain Commander Yamamoto," Toshiro corrected me, "and you are to refer to him as such."

"Look, Cotton Fluff. You're lucky I even acknowledge the old fart with a good nickname." I immediately heard a giggle from across the basement – probably from Yoruichi, or Jinta, if he'd been sitting on the stairs and listening in on the whole conversation. At least we could all have a bit of a fun moment before I was shipped off to the Soul Society for an extended vacation. "So when do we leave?"

Kisuke stood up and pulled out his fan from...I think his sleeve. Either that or he made one using some sort of secret beasty kido. "I can send you all off whenever you're ready. Is there anything anyone wants to do before I open a senkaimon?" The shinigami in the room exchanged some more glances before shaking their heads. I, on the other hand, raised my hand way up high like an annoying kindergartener who desperately wanted to be the teacher's assistant for the day.

"I've gotta go pizzle."

I swear, and this is far from a joke, Yumichika nearly choked on his own saliva when I said that. "You need to what now?" he asked me in a confused tone.

"I've gotta pee. You know, go to my oval office. The indoor outhouse. The ceramic throne. The loo. The big kids' potty. Uhh...yeah, I'm out of names. I'm just gonna go." In all honesty, I didn't have to pee. I just wanted to get away from them and relax for a little bit. And if I said that in front of the crowd down there -cough-Toshiro-cough- I know they'd start ranting about how it was direly important for us to get to the Seireitei as soon as possible. Seriously, I needed a break from all the 'Aizen this' and 'Aizen that'. I'm amazed I was able to be him for one day at a convention. But to constantly talk about him? Don't get me started.

As I was walking back up to the main level, I couldn't help but to think of my friends back home. I wonder if they noticed I was gone. Were they calling my cell phone and waiting for me to pick up? Knowing my friends, it'd be more likely for them to constantly IM me first, and THEN start leaving hundreds of missed calls and text messages on my phone. I wish I at least had a picture of them. There were two in particular that I really missed. One was my friend Ricky. He and I have a brother-sister relationship, which is great. Especially since he's a bigger pervert than I am. We consider him a 'student god' in my group of friends because he's really handy and can get away with just about anything. Like computers, for instance. If a computer freeze and nothing can fix it, all Ricky has to do is some Jazz Hands, and it'll work better than before. Awesome, right?

My other friend is, well, much more than a friend. I've been dating my boyfriend Tim for nearly two years. He's awesome: he's also a pervert, he loves video games and anime, and he's a great break dancer. Oh, and he's REALLY into music. Like, crazy into it. I sometimes wonder whether he's having an affair with his headphones and iPod. Tim was my inspiration for Hitori, believe it or not. It was cool to be in the Bleach world and all, but there were times where I wished I had Tim and Ricky with me.

So yeah, back to the other crap. Ichigo was sitting outside of the shop, but Shinji wasn't around. Guess he returned to his pimp Hiyori. I swear, it sometimes seemed like she had him on a leash. I went outside and sat down next to Carrot Top, pulling out one of the sketchbooks from my bag. "So...I decided to go to the Soul Society."

Ichigo's eyes widened a little and he looked at me, surprised. "Well it's about damn time you listened to us!" he sneered. Which earned him an atomic pimp slap from me. For those of you who don't know what that is, just imagine bitch-slapping someone upside their head with your elbow. "The hell was that for?"

"For you ignorant tone, infidel!" I yelled at him while turning to the first clean page in my sketchbook. Which happened to be the first page. Lucky me. I started sketching randomly as I returned Ichigo's surprised-yet-sarcasticly-angry glance. I had no idea what I was drawing; I just felt like drawing. Twenty minutes passed with us in silence. Which I hated. A lot. So I decided, for the sake of my sanity, to break it. You know, be the bigger person in this.

...Ha. That's what she said.

"...Look," I started, "I'm sorry for not believing you about this all being real. It's just something really hard for a fan such as myself to believe. I mean, yeah, I have a big imagination, but I'm used to it shutting down every now and then. So far I've been here for well over a week, and I've still been seeing things I'd only see either on TV, or through the internet or my imagination." Fruit Pop stayed silent, but it was a different kind of silence this time. It was more like one that was waiting for me to continue than one out of ignorance. So with nothing better to do, I continued on. "Anyway, we've been arguing a lot lately. So I just wanted to say-"

"Jo..." Ichigo interrupted me. He didn't say anything else for about ten seconds; he just sort of sat there. Sort of like an open clam. Just imagine it for a second. Strange, right? "Jo..." he repeated, "why is your book glowing?"

"Huh?" I looked down at my sketchbook, and it was indeed glowing. Brighter than the supreme average energy saver lightbulb in a household lamp in the living room. Don't ask how I knew this, I just guessed. I took a closer look at the cover, and it was then that I realized what was really going on. "Oh...fuck..." I accidentally ended up drawing something in my MAGIC SKETCHBOOK. What I drew, I had no idea. I wouldn't be able to find out until the light vanished. And I could tell, that was going to take a REALLY long time. The light – and now electricity flying out as well – reached way up past all the clouds. That probably meant I'd drawn something big or complicated to bring to life. Finally, after probably five or six minutes, the light pillar thingy receded back into my book. I was finally able to see my drawing.

I wish I hadn't looked at the paper. "What did you draw to cause such a dramatic light show?" Ichi asked, leaning toward me so he could take a peek at my book. But I pulled it away from him.

"Uhh...yeah, I'd rather give you a lengthy explanation about it than show you my little doodle." I wasn't about to show Ichigo that I'd drawn my 'big brother' and boyfriend into my magical sketchbook. ESPECIALLY since I had no clue where they were going to appear from. I needed to find them before Aizen did, and fast.


	20. Tim is Unlucky

**Yo, Bleachers! Infernal Blossom's back with more randomness brought on by a sick minded imaginative little first year college student!**

**Now I've got yet another chapter that's written in a different character's point of view. And since I've decided to introduce two more characters into the story, I think I'll choose one of them.**

**So here we go, direct from the mouth and keyboard of _Inky__Battlefield_. Enjoy this chapter! Happy holidays! :D  
**

**Tim**

"Shit, shit, shit!"

Of course. Every day with this. I leave my house at a reasonable time, and the bus decides to drag its ass and arrive an hour later than scheduled. And what's worse, this particular bus driver - who looked oddly like Morgan Freeman - decided to just keep driving without stopping to pick me up. He even slowed down a little just to flip me off before pulling away. So, because of that asshat, I'm late to first period. Again.

Right, let me introduce myself. I'm Tim, your friendly neighborhood music-guy. I'm 17 years old, and my interests include long walks on the beach, watching sunsets, and kicking ass. Unfortunately, being on time isn't one of them, which I was reminded of as I heard the bell for second period ring as I bolted up four flights of stairs to get to Graphics class.

To be completely honest, I don't mind missing half of this 90-minute soul-crushing ritual, but being late means that I can't greet my girlfriend the way I'd like to, because I'm too busy trying to get to my seat before my teacher kicks my ass for being late. But for the last week or so, Jo's been nowhere to be found. It's not like her to miss school like this unless she was really sick, and even then, she'd text me and let me know what's up. Even worse, she hasn't been answering my texts at all.

After what seemed like hours of me cursing the fact that my school doesn't have escalators, I finally made it to the entrance to my class. Now, all I have to do it enter quietly, and I-

WHAM! I opened the door to meet with my teacher's huge ass boot crashing into my chest. "It's second period, Timmy." He said, dusting himself off. "You know the rules. You're late after 8:05."

"W-What the fuck! Did you just Sparta kick me?"

"No!" He said loudly, looking around the halls for any listening security guards. "That would be a physical encroachment upon our student/teacher relationship. Now, get inside before I choke-slam you through a table!"

Knowing him, he'd gladly do it, so I picked myself up and headed into the classroom. The air was already thick with shattered dreams, just like every morning in his class. Jo's seat still remained empty like it had for the last week or so, which was really starting to bother me. She must have a good reason for being out so many days, but it still didn't make me feel any better about it. "Jo…Where the hell are you?"

Ah well. There's no gain in me brooding about it, so I threw on my precious, precious, headphones and rode out the torture. Besides, I had more immediate problems to deal with. I had a huge math test to worry about, and I'm notoriously terrible at anything that has to do with numbers. Plus, it didn't help that I slept through about a week's worth of lessons and the review. Hey, when your math teacher looks like an older version of Kramer from Seinfeld with an inexplicable inability to pronounce the letter L, you'd tune him out as well. I usually bombed math tests anyway (since when is x+7y+-z a math question?), but I at least had Jo by my side to calm my nerves so I could answer _some_ of the problems. Without her, I spent a painful 45 minutes staring at a blank test paper, repeating "Fuck" over and over again under my breath while jabbing myself in the forehead with my eraser. I swear, today was shaping up to be a real kick in the junk.

After class, I was about ready to call it a day. School seemed to be a torture gauntlet, so maybe a day of therapeutic beat riding would take my mind off things. As I headed for the stairs, I heard a voice behind me.

"Isn't it a little early to be cutting out?"

I turned towards the voice to find my friend, Rob, behind me. "You're leaving already? We haven't even had lunch yet."

"Yeah. I'm not really feeling too well." It wasn't entirely a lie. Today's shit-o-meter was quickly searing off the charts, and it was starting to give me a massive headache.

"C'mon, you'll feel better after losing the game." He laughed. Yeah, that was just like Rob: Being the kind of douche that made you want to smile and kick his ass. It wasn't really working today, though. Still, maybe he was onto something, so I decided not to slip out like a ninja just yet.

"Alright, I'll stick around. I'll catch up with you later."

When lunchtime rolled around, I didn't really feel like being around a bunch of rowdy animals stuffing their faces with the "food" that they serve in the cafeteria, so I headed down to the Robotics room. Usually, around this time, Ricky would be down there, building something ridiculous or hours deep into a Portal marathon. Even if he wasn't, I could at least have some time to myself. I haven't been able to really listen to my music all day, and it was making me a bit antsy. Sure enough, when I got there, Ricky was there. This time, he was tinkering with an old Street Fighter arcade machine that he got on the internet.

"Uhm…What the hell is that, man?"

Ricky looked up from the huge machine, throwing his tools to the side. "Oh, hey Tim. It's my new project, and your early birthday present if I ever get it working." He probably would, too. If the sun were to ever go out, Ricky could re-light it by gesturing in its general direction. "So what's up with you? What brings you to the cave?"

"Ehh, I just need to relax," I said, sitting by his computer. "Hey, mind if I use your computer? I want to read some manga." I'd already started typing in the address by the time I finished the question. I knew he'd let me on anyway. "Oh nice, there's a new chapter for Bleach….Wait, that isn't right." New chapters didn't usually come out this early in the week. They followed a strict timeline, and it was very rare for any chapter to be released on a different date. But what the hell did I care? New Bleach is new Bleach, regardless of when it comes out, so I clicked on it and started reading. But, the more I read, the weirder it seemed. Many of the characters were acting….Different. "It's probably a filler arc or something…"

"What? Let me see." Ricky said, making his way towards the computer and staring at the screen. "Hey, wait a minute….Doesn't that new character look kind of familiar?"

He pointed at a mysterious, sexy, curly-haired girl that the story seemed to revolve around. "Yeah, she definitely looks familiar….And she creates stuff with a sketchbook?" I thought for a moment and laughed. "You know who she reminds me of? Jo. She'd definitely be like that in the Bleach universe."

I laughed, but Ricky studied the screen intently before tapping me on the shoulder. "Um, Tim…. Check this out." He turned the page, showing a detailed picture of her, along with a dialogue bubble that stated her name.

"…What the duck?"

The next thing I knew, there was a blinding flash that enveloped both me and Ricky. I had just enough time to put my headphones over my ears before I felt myself black out. Hell, if I was going to die, I was going to die with a damn good soundtrack.

The first thing I noticed when I awoke was my massive headache. It felt like I had been surrounded by idiots for an extended period of time. I realized that I was lying on the ground and I sat up to check out my surroundings, but I didn't recognize anything. "O-kay…This is weird." The place looked like it could've been someone's apartment, but it wasn't one that I've seen before. "Listen, I don't think you've sodomized me yet, so I'm going to leave before I push my luck, okay?" I called out to no one in particular as I started to look around for an exit. I didn't look for that long though, because my weak bladder started to betray me. Hey, who knows how long I've been out? So, I headed to the bathroom, which was surprisingly easy to find. But, when I looked in the mirror, my bladder suddenly became the least of my problems. "Oh shit, this can't be good..."

Staring back at me was me, but a hotter, more anime version of me. Rather than the mess my hair usually was, it was chocolate brown and ended right above my glasses, which sat perfectly on the bridge of my nose. Even through my hoodie, I could tell that my body was more defined and muscular. I even seemed to be a little taller than my usual 5'9" self. "Wow…Imagine if Jo could see me now…" I imagined her for a moment, fawning over me like I was the object of her fangirling before my mind snapped to a realization. "Wait, is Jo here too?" I ran out of the bathroom and headed for the front door, only to be met with a blonde kid playing what looked like some kind of weird handheld game.

"Oh, you're awake." He said, not even looking up from his game. "You've got some explaining to do."


	21. Uryu is Snobbish

**Hi people. It's your favorite insane author, Infernal Blossom!**

**So guess what? I got a 2.9 GPA last semester! WOOT! I'm now in my second semester of college and in a 2+ year relationship. I've got to say, it's a bit weird being almost 19 and a green belt, and writing a story about me still being in my senior year of high school and just a lowly white belt in tae kwon do. But it does bring back a lot of good memories, like the senior trip and my prom. I looked hot xD**

**On another note, I'm taking up Japanese and doing some more drawings. Hey, I've gotta practice if I'm going to be working with who I see as the greatest game creator ever.**

**So without further delay, here's the long awaited chapter 21. And guess what? The story's reached 50,000+ words AND 100 reviews! Thank you guys SO much for all of your suggestions, favorites, reviews and support. It makes me happy to make you all laugh with this story. Be sure to also check out my YuGiOh story, _Fortunes Buried in Sand_, and my Tekken story, _Blood and Iron_.**

"This isn't happening, this isn't happening..." I kept repeating in my head. Which somehow ventured out of my mouth and into Ichigo's ears. "This isn't happening! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!"

Ichigo grabbed my shoulders and gave me a firm shake. "Calm down, Jo!" he yelled. But I just went right on ahead and kept repeating the same three words. So he tightened his grip on my shoulder, and I thought I was about to catch Shaken Baby Syndrome a second time. But no. I got slapped instead. I never knew Ichigo had the pimp hand in him. Surprisingly, it actually calmed me down a little. Huh. Maybe I should tell my boyfriend to smack me around a little when I'm having a major freakout. Yeah, he'd object at first, but I'll be able to 'convince' him. "Okay, just breathe," he told me. "Now...tell me why you're freaking out." I nodded, took a deep breath and opened my mouth...

"I ACCIDENTALLY DREW MY BIG BROTHER FIGURE AND BOYFRIEND IN MY MAGICAL SKETCH BOOK AND NOW THEY'RE PROBABLY HERE IN THE BLEACH UNIVERSE IT WAS A TOTAL ACCIDENT I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT PLEASE DON'T TELL TOSHIRO OR KISUKE OR IKKAKU THEY'LL KILL ME-"

I guess the first slap didn't work. He slapped me again. I think it was a bit harder this time. Ha. _That's what she said_. "SLOWLY, dammit! Or else I can't understand you!"

I took some more deep breaths and actually calmed down, for real this time. "That sketchbook I was drawing in? Yeah, that was my MAGICAL one. I didn't even know I'd picked it up until it started glowing!"

"Seriously?" Ichigo face palmed. "Jo, you've gotta pay attention to which book you're drawing in! Your power is so erratic that anything can happen!" He pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head at me. "Okay, so what's the damage? What'd you draw?" I shook my head at him, and he glared at me. "Look, there's no point in keeping quiet. Everyone's gonna find out sooner or later. So you might as well quit clamming up and spill the beans. Hell, I'll make it easier on you. I'll guess what you drew. Does that sound better?"

"I guess so," I answered. This was _REALLY_ gonna suck.

Carrot Top nodded. "Okay first question: How many, uh... 'things' did you end up drawing?" I held up two fingers. "Question two:" Ichigo grabbed me by my shoulders, AGAIN, and looked me square in the eye. "WILL YOUR CREATIONS POSE A THREAT TO US SHINIGAMI AND HUMANS?"

I started shaking my head no like crazy. "No way! I already learned my lesson!" He then raised a suspicious eyebrow at me.

"...Yeah, just give me the fucking book so I can see for myself." I guess he didn't trust me. He reached for my sketchbook, but I spun around and backed away from him. "Come on. I already said there's no point in hiding anything anymore." He tried to grab it again, but I smacked his hand away. Ichi sighed, running a hand through his hair and suddenly tackled me down. We began wrestling right in front of Kisuke's shop, struggling for control and possession of my sketchbook. "Give it to me, you little bitch!" He eventually got me down on my stomach and held my arms behind my back with his foot, holding my sketchbook victoriously in the air. "Ha! Who's on top now?"

"Ichigo, you are such a juvenile pervert." We both turned our attention to the front door of the shop, where Uryu, Renji and Chad were standing. Guess they'd been watching the little wrestling match. All three of them had their arms crossed, and looked a bit like bouncers with the way they were standing. Especially Chad. He kind of reminded me of that book by Roald Dahl. _The Big Friendly Giant_, I think it's called. Or _BFG_. I dunno. Same thing.

Ginger seemed to be distracted enough, so I took this opportunity to wrap one of my legs around his and took him down. "Gimme back my book, or else you'll be in a world of hurt!" When he didn't comply, I took his foot in my hands and jerked it to the right. He let out a little yelp and started banging his fist on the ground. "Are you gonna let it go?" Reluctantly, Ichigo let go of my sketchbook, and I set him free. As I went to take my book, back, Renji picked it up.

"Like he said," Uryu started, "there's no point in trying to hide anything anymore. So you may as well just let us see what you drew."

"Hey! Give that back!" I began charging at him, only to have him stop me by holding his arm out. So basically, he held me back with only one hand. Oh joy. Another thing to prove how short I am.

While I tried to pry his hand off of my face – which, with no surprise to me, actually covered my ENTIRE face – Renji tossed the book to Chad. I managed to get out of Renji's grasp before suffocating and marched up to Chad, hands on hips and pout ready to fire. I stared up at him, tilting my head to the side. "What?" he asked. I shot my hand out at him, waiting for him to give my book back. And then he did something that made it very hard for me to stay serious. Chad lifted his free hand to his face and moved his hair away from his eyes so he could look down at me and say, "No." He and I had a short staring contest, and then I looked away and sighed.

"Fine, you win." I could practically hear Ichigo and Renji's jaws dropping. I caught sight of this and shrugged my shoulders. "What?"

"You just let him go without any kind of resistance? What the hell?"

Uryu pushed his glasses up. Ugh, that was really getting old. "That's because you guys are morons," he replied. I laughed a little and raised my hand toward him, attempting to give him a high five. But no. He just stared at me as if _I_ was a moron like them. I took my high five back and folded my arms, grumbling. "Call me a nerd again, and I'm sewing your arms to your chest and shooting an arrow through your neck." Huh? How'd he hear me when my voice was so low? Looks like I wouldn't be calling him names under my breath ever again. "Anyway, back to business."

"Right." Chad flipped opened my sketchbook – which I'd never try taking from him because he's too nice of a guy for me to mess with – until he somehow found the latest page I'd drawn on. "Hmm..." He brought the book closer to his face and narrowed his eyes. "Looks like two more people."

"Oh, for the love of the Soul King!"

Quincy Boy shot what looked like a glare at me. "Spill it. Who are they?" he asked.

I didn't even bother hesitating. "The one on the left is one of my closest friends. He's like a big brother to me."

"And the one on the right?"

"...My boyfriend." Renji's eyes widened. Oh, right. I nearly forgot about..._THAT._

I guess he still remembered 'that event' VERY clearly, because he held his head in his hands and was on the verge of assuming the fetal position. "When were you planning on telling me that?" he yelled at me. "Or have you forgotten that you kissed me in your sleep?"

That was the problem. I remembered it. VERY clearly. "You think I'd LIKE to remember that? Ugh!" I shivered. "I went through an entire bottle of mouthwash trying to get rid of the shit I tasted in your mouth." And then a devious thought came to mind. Followed by a devious smirk, paired with the all too innocent 'laying-a-finger-on-my-lower-lip' trick. "You know, Renji," I started, "you could pass for a grown man here in the world of the Living. And look at me: I'm really seventeen – almost eighteen, actually – but I don't look any older than...uhmm..." Shit. I turned my attention to the others for a second. "Guys, how old do I look?"

"Thirteen," Fruit Pop immediately answered. Hey, when did he get up?

"Right. Continuing from where I left off..." My attention was once again on Renji. "So yeah. You look like a grown man, and I look no older than thirteen. A middle school aged girl. Now...what do you think people would say if they saw a grown man kissing what they believed to look like an unconscious thirteen year old girl?"

It was so hard not to laugh while imagining this. And from the corner of my eye, I saw Ichigo make a WTF face. Yay, another one for the counter! Ichigo WTF face counter: 15. "...You know I'm gonna tell him." Renji's face contorted to what looked slightly like fear. So I now knew one of the 'great' Renji Abarai's fears: angry boyfriends out for revenge.

Then I felt something smack me in the back of the head. I looked behind me and saw Uryu holding his Qunicy bow in one hand, and my sketchbook in the other. "Are you quite finished trying to avoid the situation by accusing Renji of being a pedophile?" I nodded, holding my now throbbing head. "Good. Now tell us where these friends of yours are supposed to appear from."

"...You didn't have to smack me with your bow, jackass."

"Answer the question!" Whoa. Since when did Uryu have such a not-so-nerdy fire in him? "Where are these people supposed to be appearing from?"

I scratched my head – which was still throbbing, thanks to the fact that Uryu had used his bracelet to form the bow, thus THAT had also hit my head. I swear, once this is all over, I'm gonna pay Ryuken to shove an arrow FAR up his son's ass. Abuse? Maybe. Sexual harassment of some kind? Nah.

Oh well, that would have to wait. So yeah, I scratched my head. "In all honesty, I have no idea where they're going to appear. I never wrote a caption for that because I wasn't aware of what I was drawing! So they can appear ANYWHERE!" Uryu pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You know, you're REALLY smart." He just had to rub it in, didn't he? "Well, I guess we don't have a choice. We'll have to let everyone know so we can split up and search every realm-"

"AWWWWWWWWWWW!" I groaned. "Come on, do we HAVE to-" He smacked me again with his Quincy bow. "Ow!" You see? THIS is why I never made a Quincy original character. Because if I did, I'd have to make their personality match Uryu's. And you'd have to either pay me a lot or heavily drug me to get that result.

Uryu's bow vanished and he grabbed me by my wrist. "Let's go. We haven't got any time to waste. So when you tell everyone about your friends, DO NOT hesitate at all."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..."

Everyone followed behind us as Uryu nearly dragged me downstairs into Kisuke's basement. I could've sworn I heard him mumbling something about me being a delinquent child and something about why I had more erratic reiatsu than Ichigo...and I think I heard him say something about cake. The hell was he thinking about cake for? I thought he was strictly business... Oh great, now he's got me thinking about eating my grandmother's awesome carrot cake. Now I really want some.

He shoved my sketchbook back into my arms and pushed me in front of the waiting crowd. And I think I heard Renji lock the basement door that had just poofed out of thin air. I tried to find somewhere to hide – most likely behind Chad since he was so tall – but Ichigo stood behind me and kept a firm grip on my shoulders. "You're such a big help," I sarcastically commented as I mentally prepared to face all these Soul Reapers. I glanced back at Ichigo for a second, but all he did was point his chin in the direction of the crowd in front of us. Sighing, I decided it would be best to just get it over with, and I opened the sketchbook, showing the page with my drawing to them. "Well...I guess I'll just say it." I cleared my throat, catching Uryu rolling his eyes from the corner of my sight. I would SO get him back for this later. "When I was sitting outside talking to Ichigo, I accidentally drew something...well, someONE in my magical sketchbook. And now, we've got to go find them."

"Oh, for the love of the Soul King!" Seriously, what that some sort of Soul Society terminology that Tite Kubo never made us Bleach fans aware of?

Of course, Toshiro was the first one to stand up. And then he approached me. And THEN he found grabbing me by the front of my shirt in an attempt to lift me off the ground...which surprisingly worked, but only up to having me on my toes. Huh, I never knew he had it in him. Another 'secret of the Bleach characters' I could add to my collection. "That's it!" he shouted. "I've had enough of your bullshit, Jo!" He let me go and reached for my sketchbook. "You're not getting this back until you learn how to control your reiatsu, you mind, and ESPECIALLY your mouth!" But I quickly acted by doing the first thing that came to mind: I stuffed my sketchbook into my shirt, right between my big anime boobs. Toshiro immediately blushed and backed away, now unsure of what to do. "...You're REALLY slick, you know that?"

"Oh, why thank you," I told him, sticking my tongue out at him. And then I felt Ichigo pull on my ear. "Owowowowowowow!" I elbowed him in the side and he let me go. "Look, guys, I get it. I screwed up big time, ONCE AGAIN. But I can't help being the way I am. I'm even like this at home." It was now time to play the melodramatic soap opera card. I dropped to my knees and crawled over to Kisuke, grabbing onto his ankle and crying crocodile tears. And for those of you who have no clue what those are, it's essentially forcing yourself to cry. Kids, don't try this at home. Your mothers will beat you if you do... Okay, maybe that was a bit of a lie.

Anyway, there I was, doing my best impression of a soap opera star. "Please forgive me!" I begged. "I'm just a simple-minded human fangirl who's SOOO excited to meet the cast of one of her favorite animes! I already agreed to help you stop Aizen. So please please PLEASE forgive me!"

Kisuke knelt down next to me and pat my head. "Alright, alright, that's enough acting." I glanced up at him. I knew he wouldn't have fallen for it. The sad thing, though, is that Orihime did. No surprise there. "Look, we'll help you find your friends." I opened my mouth to cheer, but he raised a finger and interrupted me. "But in exchange, once we find them, all three of you will immediately go to Soul Society for physical evaluations, and to see how you can aid us in stopping Aizen. Agreed?" Sweet, I was off the hook. AGAIN.

"Of course! No problem! Anything for you, Kisuke!" He stood up and blushed as he helped me to my feet. I wiped the dust off of my shirt and cleared my throat again, facing everyone."Okay, so here's who we're looking for: One tall guy with a full beard and glasses who usually wears a shirt that says 'Pink Floyd' on it, and looks like he should have teenage kids of his own; and a guy about Ichigo's height with headphones and black rimmed glasses. You'll most likely find the second one in a situation where he's unlucky."

"I've got dibs on the second kid!" Ikkaku yelled. "Maybe once I rescue him, I can help him out by showing him my Lucky Dance!"

Yeah, like THAT would ever work. Everyone split into two retrieval teams: Kisuke, Ikkaku, Rukia, Rangiku and Chad were sent to find Tim; Ichigo, Toshiro, Yumichika, Renji, Orihime and Uryu were sent to find Ricky. I joined the team that was to find Tim. We ran upstairs and out the building, beginning our quest to find my brother and boyfriend.


	22. Chad is Protective

Dammit. This was beginning to be harder than I thought. To me, trying to find my boyfriend and big brother in a large Japanese city that didn't really exist was kind of like playing online multiplayer Halo 3 and being asked by your teammate to drive any of the available vehicles on the map: I sucked. A LOT. ESPECIALLY when it came to driving a Worthog. Now if we were talking about the Energy Sword or the Gravity Hammer, I'd own the streets. But no. All I've got is my hyperactive imagination and a sketchbook that can create just about anything...Wait, wouldn't I still own Karakura's streets with just my mind and sketchbook?

Oh well. ANYWAY, like I was saying, finding the two lost boys wasn't as easy and quick as I first imagined it would be. It felt a little like playing Manhunt with two people who were kidnapped while inside the Tron universe. Not very exciting, until the kidnappers attacked. I just hope they weren't actually kidnapped. That'd be REALLY bad for the whole Bleach universe. And then I began to wonder...what if they had strange powers like me? What race of warrior would they be considered? Hey, I was still trying to figure out what 'warrior class' I was a part of. I felt like I needed to play one of those 'Which blank are you' quizzes to figure it out. Oh god how I hoped it wouldn't come to that. I didn't want to discover I was part guinea pig or something. I might get accidentally shipped to Peru – if Peru existed in this universe – and that'd be bad, considering Peruvians find guinea pig to be a delicacy. Blended frog juice, too. The only difference is the blended frog juice looks like a frothy chocolate milkshake, while the roasted guinea pig still looks like a guinea pig.

... I should REALLY get my story back on track, shouldn't I?

So yeah, we were running through Karakura's streets. We were moving fast so no time would be wasted, but I was starting to get pretty tired. Hey, even if you're running on the air, you'll burn out at some point if you don't have that much stamina. And just my luck: that's one thing that hadn't changed when I was transported into the Bleach universe. And don't even bring up the fact that I still had no idea HOW I got here in the first place. I mean, inter-dimensional portals don't just coincidentally open and suck you out of your bedroom, right? This wasn't like Family Guy where things randomly happen for no reas-

I'll just stop myself right there.

I had to stop to catch my breath. I guess Rangiku noticed, because I heard her yell, "Hold on, guys," and run back to me. She placed a hand on my shoulder. "You alright? Your cheeks are a little flushed."

"I...I don't have much stamina," I managed to reply. She raised an eyebrow and gave me a skeptical look. I already knew she found it hard to believe, especially since I kept on running amok. "Sometimes I have little bursts of energy...but I get worn out easily..." Okay, I really needed to catch my breath. But why was it so difficult to do that? I'd only been running on air, so there shouldn't have been any impact or incline to tire me out already.

"I think I know why she's already tired," Kisuke intervened, walking over to me. He lifted up my chin and looked into each of my eyes, muttering a few "Mhm's". "You're over-exerting yourself, Jo. Your body isn't used to handling reiatsu."

"How? I don't even feel any reiatsu inside of me."

By this time, I'd ended up on my knees, and I was still panting a little bit. Rangiku helped me stand up again, adding in, "That has nothing to do with it. Since you have virtually no control over it, your reiatsu is flowing out of your body easier than sweat. So doing something that requires even a tiny amount of physical exertion or reiatsu, including running the way we do, will easily take a toll on your body." She brushed some dirt off of my shirt and knees.

"Just ask Ichigo," Rukia finished. "He used to leak reiatsu like a public water fountain."

Kisuke returned everyone's focus onto me. "Alright, someone will have to carry her. Do we have any volunteers?" I saw Chad shrug his shoulders and raise a hand. "Good. Now that that's settled, let's continue on." Chad strolled over to me and kneeled so I could climb onto his back.

"I owe you one for this," I told him. He nodded and stood up, and my grip around his neck tightened. I forgot how tall he was, which made me realize how far up I was. I knew he wouldn't drop me, but that didn't suppress my fear of heights.

As we continued on, Ikkaku suddenly stopped in front us. "Wait, guys." He stood motionless for a bit, and soon everyone did. I looked around, but didn't see anything. What were they stopping for? "Does anyone else feel that?"

"It feels familiar," Rangiku answered, "but at the same time...it's different. It's almost like a variation of the head captain's reiatsu." She shook her head. "It's so weird. Who does it belong to?"

"Well, well, well... Looks like we didn't have to look far, after all!"

Everyone, including myself, looked up to the top of one of the buildings. There were five people staring down at us. I squinted to get a better look, and gulped out of fear. They were my evil characters: Komurii, Hanzo, Citlaali, Trevvor...and Nikui. Shit. I was a little afraid of Komurii, yes, but I think I feared Nikui even more. I don't know why, though; maybe it was because of what I created her to be. Well whatever the reason, I felt like I was about to find out.

The four arrancar sonidoed off the roof, quickly appearing in front of us. Citlaali stepped forward first. "Hand over the human, shinigami. Lord Aizen wishes to avoid a confrontation for the time being. If you give her to us, your lives will be spared." Chad's grip on my legs tightened and he backed up a bit. "Fine. If that's the way you want it to be..." She reached behind her back and pulled out her zanpakuto: a large three-bladed shuriken with two blue ribbons hanging from the handle in the center. I figured that the arrancars' zanpakuto should be more unique, so I strayed away from the standard katana look. In fact, all the arrancar decided to reveal their zanpakutos: Komurii's was a short ninja sword strapped to her thigh; Hanzo's looked like a machete; and Trevvor's was shaped like a chainsaw...actually, it WAS a chainsaw. Hmm...machete, shurkien, ninja sword, chainsaw...all pointed against us... This was starting to become a great day, wasn't it?

Our group was about to disperse, but the arrancar surrounded us. "And just where do you think you're going, hmm?" Komurii asked, pointing her blade toward me. "I still haven't had the chance to cut you up!" Wait a second: how was she even here in the first place? I thought I sent her and Hanzo into a garganta and trapp- ...Oh, RIGHT. The time cap on it was only 48 hours. It's been about a week. Fuck. I REALLY need to start thinking things through before drawing them on enchanted paper.

Chad let me down and raised his fists, and everyone protecting me drew their weapons as well. "Jo," Ikkaku started, "when I tell you to do something, DO IT. I'm being really serious this time. You either listen or you end up dead, got it?" I nodded. "Good. Now tell us, are these the arrancar you created?"

"Yeah." I'm surprised I didn't hesitate this time. "Ikkaku, the one that's in front of you is Hanzo Gekkidou. He's super paranoid and super fast. Be careful when he's close up, that's when he's most deadly." I turned to Rangiku next. "Rangiku, you're dealing with Komurii Harato. She'll try agitating you by dissing your looks. Watch out when she raises her hand to her mouth or when she licks her blade." Next on the list was Citlaali. "Rukia, you've got the little one, Citlaali Nikephorros. Keep your eye on her footwork. If she goes into her resureccion, don't let her hair touch you. You'll be poisoned." Now for the crocodile. "Chad, you've got dibs on Trevvor Halibel. Watch out for his punches, and don't let his weapon touch you." Unfortunately, I didn't know much about him myself. He was what you'd consider a 'work in progress that's being tested' type of original character. But I couldn't let the others know that; they'd be even more pissed at me. "And the last one is-" I stopped mid-sentence, looking around. Nikui wasn't anywhere around us. "Dammit...where is she?"

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to look for her. Komurii decided it was time for us to shut up. "Enough talking, human. Let me rip you up already! I'm tired of waiting!"

"Mr. Urahara! Go on ahead with Jo," Chad told him. "We'll keep these guys busy. You two need to find Ichigo and her friend before they do." Before I could object, Kisuke grabbed my wrist and started dragging me away. I didn't want to leave Chad and the others behind to fight the enemies I'd created. They were my responsibility, so I should be the one to deal with them. But in the state I was in, I couldn't argue; I would've lost before I delivered my first strike.

As he and I ran farther from the arrancar, I felt a breeze hit me. This didn't feel anything like the typical outdoor breezes that carry leaves onto your freshly raked crabgrass lawn, and it didn't smell like it, either. It carried a faint lavender scent with it... "Stop!" I yelled to Kisuke, yanking him and his arm backward a few feet. His hat flew off, floating in the breeze I'd felt, then we watched as the hat froze in mid-air. It stood there for a few seconds, then flew straight at us. The lavender scent got stronger as it got closer. "Get down!" I yelled too late, though. Kisuke knocked his hat away with the side of his hand and it instantly hit the ground, and his hand went limp. "Shit..." He looked down at his hand and tried moving the last two fingers, but he couldn't. "Dammit... I'm sorry, Kisuke."

"What's the apology for? I haven't been taken out yet." He wiggled the rest of his fingers to show he still had some mobility. Partially immobilized, and he still tried to cheer me up.

"That's not what I mean. I should've warned you about Nikui's paralysis abilities before you got hit." I had to cover my nose as I spoke. The scent was full on now, as if there were a lavender candle lit and placed inches from our noses. A purple wave air began to swirl, almost like the Psycho Power of Street Fighter's M. Bison / Vega. The space inside of it tore in half and out stepped Nikui, in all her grace and not making a sound. She had the usual smile on her face, the same one Aizen always had on. If I didn't say before that I regretted making her almost like a female Aizen, I'll say it now: I regret it.

The last of her dress train flowed out from the hole and she curtsied. "Good afternoon, Kisuke Urahara," she started. I'd nearly forgotten how soft spoken and polite she was. "I am Nikui Seichuu, former granddaughter of the shinigami Yamamoto, and now the goddess of Hueco Mundo. Lord Aizen has shared so much about you with us, and asked me to perform a favor for him." She reached a hand out to me. "Lord Aizen wishes for miss Jo Weizu to accompany us back to Hueco Mundo. She is of utmost importance and value to him."

"Is that so?" he replied, shaking out his impaired hand a little. I was glad he still had control of movement in the rest of his fingers, but I still felt bad for not warning him ahead of time. "Well I'm sorry to say this, Your Highness, but Jo is not leaving my side. So unfortunately, you'll have to let Sosuke know that his request is out of the question."

Nikui's hand went to the red-stoned necklace around her neck. "That is a shame..." She pressed her middle and ring finger against the largest stone. "Unfortunately, Lord Aizen's request cannot be refused. His desires shall be met." The stone began to emit a glow, and she wrapped her hand around the handle that formed. She pulled it out until the tip of her zanpakuto's blade was free from the stone, and swiped it next to her. "I didn't want to use force, but if I must in order to fulfill my lord's desire, then so be it." She had the same smile on her face the entire time. Yup, I think I found what scared me about her.

Kisuke reached his good hand out in front of him and called, "Benihime," and his zanpakuto materialized in his hand. "Listen carefully, Jo. I want you to go and find Ichigo and his group. By now, they should either be close to the river or his school." He laid his free hand on my shoulder, and I looked up at him. "Don't worry about us. We'll pull through this just fine. Just make sure you and the others make it back in time for dinner." He shot me a quick smirk and turned his attention back to Nikui. "If you're truly set on capturing Jo, you'll have to defeat me first. And I assure you, it won't be easy."

I don't think I'd ever seen Kisuke so serious. The only other time I'd seen him like this was in the manga when he was fighting Aizen. I mean, his voice was still light, but he still sounded pretty serious. "Her zanpakuto is kido-based, but she can easily use high level kido without it," I warned him. "Watch out for when she reaches for you and says 'Mahi'; that means she's trying to paralyze you. Her paralysis can last anywhere from a few minutes to a week. But most importantly...don't forget to bring your hat." Once I warned him, I made a run for either the river or Karakura High, whichever was closer. I was surprised to find that Nikui and none of the arrancar were even attempting to chase after me. I guess they were too occupied with their battles to notice me making a mad dash for my life. Once again, I was running out of breath, but I had to push myself and keep going. I kept right on running and running...and running, until I saw Karakura High in the distance, which meant it wasn't that far away. Don't get me wrong, the building was still far as hell, but at lease I could see it, unlike the river. Looks like that was my destination. But first I'd have to get past these apartment buildings. I stopped for a minute to take a break, sitting against one of the apartment building walls. I'd clean off my dirty pants later; right now, I needed to eat something.

I opened my book bag and took out my magical sketchbook, and drew out a bottle of red Gatorade and a ham sandwich. I started scarfing it down, but stopped halfway through the sandwich when I heard some really loud music. The genre was far from my type, so it couldn't have been coming from my iPod, and that was the only music making machine on me. Worse, I think it was getting louder. I quickly finished the rest of my snack and put away my sketchbook before I forgot about it, and stood up. Where was that loud music coming from? My ears secluded the music to the top floor of an apartment complex on the opposite corner of the block. As I drew closer to it, another thing started to irk me. I felt like I'd heard this kind of music somewhere before. But where? I never let this kind of sound set foot inside of my iPod's information storage system thingy...whatever the hell it's called. I walked up the stairs and peeked through the only window I could find.

I wish I had at least been drunk or off my rocker, because what I saw couldn't have been real. Two or three of the Fullbringers – yes, you heard me correctly: Fullbringers – were lazing around inside the apartment. Yukio was sitting upside down on the couch with his video game, Jackie was sitting at the bar downing a shot, and Riruka was busy brushing her hair. Okay, WHAT the hell was going on here? Why were the Fullbringers here – scratch that, why did they exist right now? They weren't supposed to be in the Bleach universe until much later on, 17 months AFTER the Winter War is over. So then how did they get here?

"Jackie, would you stop already?" I heard Riruka complain. She put her brush down and reached for one of the donuts on the table. "Isn't it too early for you to even be smelling alcohol?" Jackie just shrugged her shoulders and wiped her mouth, not answering. Riruka huffed and took a bite out of her donut.

Yukio pulled a hand away from his game to cover his mouth when he yawned. "Aren't either of you the least bit concerned about that new guy we found unconscious this morning?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the screen. "The door was locked, and nobody, including him, knows how he got in here. And then he started rambling something about being in a totally different universe..." A different universe? Could it be he was referring to my brother or boyfriend? I thought about the possibility.

"...Nah." I waved the thought away. "Pssh, like THAT would ever happen."

"_**It's more likely than you think.**__"_ I let out a little yelp, quickly covering my mouth before any more sound could be heard. I decided to get away from the window, too, and go back to the ground level...hell, even a block away. Once I was safely away from the Fullbringers, I took out my cellphone and held it to my ear. If I was going to talk to Tite Kubo outside, I wasn't going to look like some drugged up freak who was talking to the sky.

"Kubo? That you again?"

"_**No, it's an agent trying to get you to buy Hollow insurance on your property. Of course it's me!**__"_Well...he didn't have to be so rude about it. _"__**Jo, why aren't you listening to me? Didn't I warn you before about the dangers of screwing with the plot of Bleach?**__"_ I nodded. _"__**Then why aren't you reversing everything you've fucked with?**__"_ I shrugged my shoulders, and I heard him sigh. Yeah, he was probably pissed at me by this point, just like Ichigo was. Hey, don't get me wrong, I did care...just not enough to really listen to the creator of Bleach. So what if this wasn't a dream anymore? It could be a fan-made parody, for all I care. It's not like this would actually mess with the real plot of the story.

Things just got freakier when one of the clouds from the sky somehow thought it'd be a great idea to join me down here on the ground. First off, I had no idea Bleach clouds could do that. Secondly, I didn't even know cloulds had a brain in the first place. I thought they were just particles of water floating in the sky. Anyway, the cloud landed in front of me, and took on the shape of a person. First the general shape formed, then the details came out...until I was looking at a guy with his arms crossed, a katana hanging from his belt loops, and sunglasses. Holy shit, it was Tite Kubo in the, uh...water vapor? Certainly not flesh. _"__**What are you staring at?**__"_ he asked, tilting his head to the side. I shrugged my shoulders again, and the bastard whacked me upside the head.

"Ow!" I went to whack him back, but my hand went through his head. "The hell?" He raised his hand and flipped me the bird. I pouted and he stuck his tongue out at me. And I was still wondering why he had a sword. To fight off the superfans, perhaps?

"_**You're not the only one who can pull off godly shit in this world. I created it, remember?**__"_ I rolled my eyes. Of course. _"__**I'm gonna give you this one last warning, you brat.**__"_ Whoa whoa, he suddenly went from referring to me by my full name to calling me a brat? That trolling jerk! _"__**Gather your friends and fan characters, listen to the Soul Reapers, and get the hell out of Bleach. If you do all of this before Aizen finds you, you'll all escape unharmed and Bleach's plot will return to normal. HOWEVER...**__"_ He placed a hand on the sword hanging from his hip. _"__**If you dabble any further into the plot, I'll have you tied down in Seireitei's lowest prison and troll you with my zanpakuto until snot comes out of your ears. Capiche?**__"_

I waved my hand at him. "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Then he smacked me again. "Ow! Would you stop that, you ink-spilling dolt?" He just flipped me the bird again and started dispersing. No, I had to ask him something first! "Kubo, wait!"

Kubo stopped mid-cloud returning and crossed his arms again. _"__**What is it, Jo?**__"_

"There's something that's been on my mind since I heard Aizen talking about his 'grand scheme' to take over all the Bleach dimensions. Who's the Soul King?"

Kubo exhaled and rubbed the back of his head. He almost seemed nervous to answer. _"__**Yeah... I'm not answering that. That's something for me to know and you to never find out. 'Kaythanksbye.**__"_ Before I could try to milk the answer out of him, Cloud Kubo returned to the sky.

"Dammit," I hissed. It took me until then to realize that he wet my hair where he'd smacked me. Oh, he was gonna get it the moment he materialzed into some sort of legitimate body that he could feel impact on.


	23. Ricky is Bipolar

**Hey, guys, Infernal Blossom is back! And I've brought a new chapter with me!**

**This chapter is brought to you by the letter R. And the number 32. Oh, and by a bearded thirty year old teenager named Ricky. Who is he? Maybe he's a dinosaur. Maybe he's the creator of the Safety Dance… No, he can't be. He was wearing a hat.**

**Oh well. Guess you'll just have to read to find out. And just to let you know ahead of time, this chapter is rated R for RICKY.**

-0-0-0-0-0-

_**Ricky**_

Why, oh WHY, did I let Tim touch my computer? This always happens to me, every freaking day: I let some bozo touch my computer, and all hell breaks loose. I don't even know where I am…

Oh, yes I do. It's that all-too familiar black room. Let's see if I can count it down this time. Three…two…one… **"DO YOU SEEK POWER?"** And cue the ominous dark scary voice.

"So what do you want THIS time?" I asked.

"**WELCOME TO HELL, WHERE THE FIRE IS HOT AND THE BITCHES ARE FIIIIIIIIINE!"** he replied in that familiar, dark echoing voice. I know, it sounds awful, but he was just making fun of me. I assure you that I wasn't in any real danger. I mean, what could an ominous voice do to me?

As soon as I thought that, a giant spike popped out of the ground right next to me. That was a sign that he meant business this time." You think you can kill me? YOU think you can KILL me? Do you know who I am?"

"**DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"** it responded.

"Bitch, you're part of me!" I yelled back. "I'm your connection to this world! You can't exist without me!"

And then he began to laugh, and blood started trickling down my shirt. Turns out the bastard ran me through. I couldn't tell with what; it didn't really have a form. Maybe a dark spear of energy? Maybe a rubber poodle? Yeah, it had to be the rubber poodle. Those things are deadly in the right hands. **"YOU'RE IN MY WORLD NOW!"** I looked down at the rubber poodle, and it was actually pretty cute. But then it looked up at me, and the freakiest thing since DFO's Kiri broke my pink happened. Its head split apart, revealing an abyss-like vortex. Except it had teeth, LOTS of teeth.

I raised an eyebrow. "So THAT'S what Nicki Minaj's vagina looks like?" I don't know why, but I took a whiff of the vortex. "Yup, Nicki Minaj's vagina."

And then it just got stranger. Dr. Baldhead, or as many people known him, Faust, popped out and stared at me. He gripped me tight by my shoulder. "You're not gonna believe what's in here!" he exclaimed. His hand shifted to my head and he yanked me down into the most forbidden and disgusting grounds known to plastic surgeons.

-0-0-0-0-0-

I suddenly woke up to feel a sharp pain in my side. Now normally, this wouldn't bother me. But it felt like I was being kicked by a pair of size 15 steel-toed spiked boots. Worse off, the spikes were somehow going in between my ribs. "Ow! God dammit, stop kicking me!" I yelled. This person – whoever they were – refused to let up. "At least have the decency to take me out to dinner before you start kicking me in the middle of the street like some low-class whore!"

And then I felt something else touch me, although it felt more like a firm grasp. Where, you ask? Let's just say it's where the magic happens. Yeah, you know…my ear. Wait, you were thinking of something else? You sick fanbase! They don't even mention the word penis 'til chapter 32.

…Wait, we're nowhere near it yet? Oh, we're only at chapter 23? And you were filming when I said that? Ah…shit. Where's my lawyer? Where's the director? WHERE'S MY COFFEE? I wasn't paid to take this! And these donuts are stale!

(What are you talking about? Shaddup and say your lines!)

Oh, right. Lemme clear my throat first. Excuse me while you hear extremely rough grunting sounds. Adults, cover your kids' ears.

"Why are you kicking me?" I asked for about the sixth time. But instead of answer, I was lifted off the ground. As he did this, I thought to myself, I'm gonna get raped tonight. That sucked. I was 100% sure I was going to be molested. I also thought to myself, why haven't I opened my eyes?

So I did. And it burned a lot. "Ah! The sun! My eyes! MY EYES!"

"I sense some power in you," he finally responded, "so I'm taking you with me."

Then another voice joined in. "Please, don't be so mean to him! He was bleeding in the street. Who knows what kind of injuries he's sustain-"

"Tell that bitch to be cool!" the first voice shouted." Say, 'Bitch, be cool!'" I didn't know if I should, but he shook me into submission. And not in the enjoyable, thrilling way. "SAY IT!"

"Bitch, be cool!" I yelled to appease him. And then she started crying.

"You're always so mean, Kensei!"

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!" FINALLY, for the first time since I could hear anything, I looked at the man who'd kicked me and picked me up. This man, this silver haired Jersey Shore reject of a man, carrying me back to his establishment of who knows what horrors, turned out to be Kensei Muguruma from Bleach. But since he was so mean to me, he is now Muffy Wobbuffet. And the girl, well, the nice, adorable jailbait standing next to him looked oddly familiar. If I had to guess, and if I remember correctly from the last time I played Tekken- "Hey! Take your head off!" I told her. "Take your chainsaws out! Save me from Mister Muffy Wobbuffet here!"

He scowled at me. "What'd you call me? My name is Kensei, and you're not talking your way out of this shit!" So if it was Kensei and What's-Her-Face here with me, then that must mean I was in Kamakiri Town… Uh, that didn't sound right. Cockatoo Town? No, that's still wrong. Uh, gimme a second… Karakura Town? Sure, let's roll with that.

Since I now knew who these people were and where I was, I said one last thing. "Hey, man, where's your mask?" He raised an eyebrow at me, refusing to say a word back as he carried me to what I assumed to be his warehouse of 'fun'. And by fun, I meant sex. And by sex, I meant…dangly parts? Sure, why not?

It didn't take long for us to arrive to the Bat Cave, where he threw me across the warehouse. And as I landed, I thought to myself: You know, I miss the black room. It had everything I love – spikes, the creepy voice, and of course, the Minaj twat. But this guy, THIS GUY, is messing with the wrong man. I had to obviously stumble to get back onto my feet, and it hurt. The immense pain was too much for me to handle, and I ended up on the ground again, on my face. I heard a gasping sound and glanced up to see the pink haired girl running to me. "I'm so sorry," she said to me. "I know Kensei can be very cruel-"

"Why are you helping him?" Kensei barked at her. Alright. Today, he's the enemy. "He's powerful enough to get himself up."

"If you're talking about HIM," I cut in, coughing up some blood, "he's not coming out today. You'll have to reschedule your play date. You might as well just kill me while you have the chance."

"I'm sorry, are you talking?" Muffy Wobbuffet yelled, kicking me in the stomach for the umpteenth time. Seriously, I feel like he's trying to give me a Brooklyn abortion. "We're not having no damn conversation, because I'm the one with the motherfucking knife!" This guy is a total prick, and he's obviously not getting it.

"I'm not gonna hit you, you masochist. I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction of having your ass kicked by the mighty-"

"Shut up, bitch!" he said, picking me up by the head and punching me in the kidney over and over and OVER again. "Kidney punch! Kidney punch! Kidney punch!"

Before he could force a fist sized hole in my new Muffy Wobbuffet-made cervix, Android What's-Her-Face held his arm back. "Kensei, that's enough! You're hurting him!" He paused, turning around without letting my head go to glare at her.

"I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing!" he said, pimp-handing the shit out of her rosy robot cheek and sending her to the ground. I expected to hear metal clanking when she hit the floor, not organs busting. Well, I guess this isn't a crossover between Bleach and Tekken. Scratch that option off the list.

"Hey, hey, hey," I told him, "…Hey. Your beef's with me, not with the pretty young lady laying on the ground over there."

Kensei, I mean Muffy, quickly glanced to her, then back to me. "You talking about Yuina over there?"

"No, I'm talking about your mom, you lady-killing bastard! There are two rules in my book, man. One: don't drop the soap. And two: never hit a lovely woman. You've got my attention. Now, what do you want from my life?"

He didn't answer, and instead chose to continue beating me until I was a stain on the wall. "You know, I'm gonna go unconscious soon if you don't quit it with the senseless torture. If you want HIM, you can have HIM. But I've got three words for you before he comes out." I leaned in as close as I could, and spit in his face. "LIKE A BITCH."

I guess he had it by then, because I saw the paper mache mask appear on his face. Oh, and I also felt a beam of colorful energy rip right through my right lung. "RIGHT IN MY CHILDHOOD!" As I felt my body drifting into an unconscious stupor, those familiar words came back to haunt me.

"**DO YOU SEEK POWER?"**


	24. Yumichika is Fabulous

**Hello~ Bleach fans! I hope you're enjoying AIWITBW so far, because we've still got a LONG way to go! Now as you may have noticed (if you haven't, then you need a WTF face counter for me), the naming of each chapter follows a theme: (Character Name) is (Adjective or Emotion). I plan on keeping that throughout the entire story. As the story goes on, I'll start to run out of characters and adjectives/emotions. So I have a small task for my fans. If you want a chapter to carry the name of a special character, adjective/emotion or combination that has yet to be mentioned, then suggest it to me. You never know, I may end up using it!  
**

I was left to wring out my hair in the middle of an eerily empty street between two rows of apartment buildings, one of which held three Fullbringers. Plus I was alone, no Ichigo was in sight, my evil characters seemed to be running amok in this universe, and I couldn't find the two people I'd possibly dragged into this universe with me. "Damn you, Kubo!" I yelled to the sky. I would've yelled to the cloud he'd formed into his body, but I didn't know which one it was. "Why won't you at least tell me who the Soul King is?" No answer. "Is it Kisuke? I feel like it's Kisuke."

And then it started drizzling. Which meant...no. "Aw, come on!" I would've taken out my magic sketchbook and draw myself an umbrella, but I had no idea whether or not the pages were waterproof, and I wasn't about to take any chances. The last thing I needed was for the pages in my enchanted weapon to shrivel up like raisins. So I sucked it up and walked in the drizzle. At least I knew it wouldn't get through my bag to my belongings, that's all that mattered. I wandered through the drizzle-coated streets, wishing I had a hood to pull over my head. "Kubo..." I continued complaining to the sky while holding my phone to my head, "come on. Throw me a bone here. I have no idea where my friends are. So how am I supposed to find them?" Still no answer or signs from the almighty Kubo cloud. Looks like I was on my own with this.

"Okay...where do I start?" I crossed my arms and thought about what my next plan of action should be. Then I remembered what Kisuke told me: 'Listen carefully, Jo. I want you to go and find Ichigo and his group. By now, they should either be close to the river or his school.' Looking down the hill that went past the apartments, I could see Karakura High. In my mind, the school was calling me. 'Come to me, Jo,' it said. Well, it didn't really say that. I couldn't understand what it _really_ said, because it was speaking Japanese. And yeah, unfortunately, I don't know much Japanese. I need to learn some more. But at that moment, it wasn't possible. Why? Because normally I watch Bleach to learn Japanese, and surprisingly, nobody here was speaking it. See the irony? I learned more Spanish and German combined than Japanese from Bleach!

If it weren't for the rain picking up, I would've taken out my sketchbook and drawn myself a portal to get to Karakura High ASAP. But still fearing the pages weren't waterproof, I didn't have that luxury, and I wasn't willing to risk anything. I mean, what would happen to the pages if they got wet and sucked up more water than a sponge in the middle of Death Valley, or Bleach's equivalent, Hueco Mundo? I thought they'd shrivel and wrinkle, and probably become useless. Just like I was right now. Actually, I'd say I was more of a major hindrance in the good guys' plans. But then again...

I can't let my mind keep wandering like this.

I started running like hell toward the school. And by that, I mean I sprinted then stopped because of my low stamina. "Dammit!" How was I supposed to get to the school if I continuously ran out of steam? And even if I had the energy, I was extremely slow. I needed to run faster. And the only way I knew to run fast was to try running on air. But then two questions came to mind. One: how do I even start running on air in the first place; and two: was it still possible to run on air if it was raining? "Okay, I've got this..." I jumped up and flailed my legs in a running motion – yes, a Luigi jump – only to fall facing toward the ground. But lucky for me, my badass tae kwon do training kicked in and I saved my face from becoming a concrete imprint. "That was WAY too close!" I stood up and tried again, managing a step or two before falling. "Come on, dammit!" I yelled to the open space. "Work with me here!" The rain hadn't picked up – yay for that – but it was still too wet for me to whip out my weapon. I couldn't understand why my attempts to run on air weren't working. I thought about it. Then I remembered something Rangiku had said. Yes, it was in English.

"_Since you have virtually no control over it, your reiatsu is flowing out of your body easier than sweat. So doing something that requires even a tiny amount of physical exertion or reiatsu, including running the way we do, will easily take a toll on your body."_ That's what she told me. Then Rukia had added something about Ichigo bathing in a public water fountain...I _think_ that's what she said. Weird how I don't remember that part.

In conclusion, I was nothing more than a sink faucet left on. Huh, it's weird that was the first thing to pop up. Normally I'd think of something much stupider or sexual, like maybe a melting iceberg or something along those lines. Man, I'm losing my edge. Somehow, I needed to gain some form of control over my reiatsu. But how was I supposed to do that? Nobody really told me how; all everyone would repeat was how I was to report to Soul Society once I found my friends. Nothing about reiatsu control or walking on air or any of that crap. Looks like I'd be on my own with yet another seemingly impossible task.

I suddenly got an idea. It was a stupid one, yes, but still an idea. I closed my eyes and did the unthinkable: I tapped my heals together three times while saying, "There's no place like Karakura High. There's no place like Karakura High. There's no place like GET ME THE HELL OVER TO KARAKURA HIGH SCHOOL!" I popped an eye open. Yeah, I knew it wouldn't work. And if my mind wasn't playing games with me, I'd say I was even pushed backwards a few feet. "Great..." I huffed, and continued my long run-stop-run-stop-walk-a-little-and-complain ritual all the way to the school.

And I did reach the school...eventually. I was pretty soaked – _that's what she said_ – but I finally made it. "About damn time." I dove under the first section of covering I could find and sat down. And I shivered. Boy did I shiver. Hey, I freeze easy. And rain is cold no matter what season it is. And I couldn't tell what season it was in this world. I assumed it was supposed to be around the time of the Winter War, which meant it would obviously have to be winter or maybe even autumn. But then why did it feel like almost 80 degrees out here? What the hell, Kubo? You can't even get the damned seasons right? Then again, the real world itself was weird: 60 degree winters without a drop of snow, 33 degree weather three days before Halloween... Maybe Kubo had gotten something right for once. Ah, what am I saying?

I got up after a little while and decided it was high time I got to a warm place, like INSIDE the school. So I went it...well, I _tried_ to, but the door was locked. I didn't want to take my sketch book out because I was still a little wet – please insert incredibly sexual comment here – and I still feared causing the pages to shrivel up from the moisture. So I did the next best thing: I dug around in my bag until I found my Karakura High ID card... Wait, what? You mean you never saw Ichigo with a high school ID in the Bleach series before? Neither did I. Yeah, I didn't realize Kubo made that happen, either. Anyway, I slid the card in that tiny space between the door and frame that not even Orihime's Shun Shun Rikka could fit through. So I slid the card in, gave it a little wiggle and magically unlocked the door! I actually learned that trick in my high school. One of the teachers was late and I was impatient–

...Yeah, forget I said anything.

So I was in. And I was happy to feel warm air hit my skin. Ah, how I missed it so much! But there was still no sign of Ichigo or the others. And speaking of others, where was anyone? The school was completely empty. No student, no teachers, not even a creepy janitor with an even creepier closet to hide his victims in... Wait, what? So yeah, you get the point: the entire school was empty. I was the only one there... Yeah.

"Yo, cream puffs!" I yelled out, and of course I got no response. "Hello? Anybody?" I knew there wasn't anyone here, but hey, it didn't hurt to try, right? "HELLOOOOOOOOO!?" Still nothing. So I wandered the school. And by wander, I meant I went to the first boys' bathroom I could find. Hey, I'd yet to see them in a school. I've seen them in a McDonald's, but that was only because some Satanic-bride-looking woman was slitting her wrists and drawing pentagrams in the only women's bathroom in the facility! What was I supposed to, slip on her blood into a sacrificial goat's intestines?

There wasn't really interesting in the boys' room, so I left to wander the rest of the school. The lunch room was on the first floor – sweet, no working to get your food – so that was my next distination. And of course it was empty, too. I sat at the nearest table and set my things down. My bag and shirt were finally dry. So I took out my sketchbook. I needed to contact Ichigo somehow. And then another idea hit me, and it wasn't a stupid one this time! I drew a magical mirror-portal-thingy and gave it a caption: 'Video & Audio Portal to Ichigo and his group, sound and video both ways'. Ha, both ways. Like a bisexual.

The portal thingy appeared in front of me. Its 'screen' was black, and then a swirling pinwheel popped up on it. If you own a Mac, you know exactly what I mean. Guess that meant it was loading...weird. Soon the portal loaded and I saw the group. "Hey, guys!" I yelled, waving. But they didn't seem to hear me. "GUYS!" I yelled louder. Ichigo was looking straight at it – I hope – but I wasn't getting any type of response out of him. He just looked like he was running closer and closer...and CLOSER...wait...what was he-

CRASH! He slammed right into the portal! How the hell did he not see that. Renji, now next to him, started laughing hysterically. And then there was Carrot Top's face. Ah, yes, another WTF face to add to the counter. Ichigo WTF face counter: 16. Strange how there haven't been more lately. "What the hell is this thing?" Ichigo asked as he pushed his hands against the portal. He looked at it – well, at me – and knocked on it. "Hello?"

"Carrot Cake!" I waved to him. "There you are! I've been trying to contact you guys since we split up!"

I think he finally heard me. "Stop it with the nicknames, Jo!" He sighed. "Where are you? Where's Urahara and the others?"

My smile faded. "I'm in Karakura High. I couldn't stay out in the rain; I would've froze! As for Kisuke..." I pouted. "...Kisuke and the others are fighting arrancar. MY arrancar. They ambushed us. They told me to run while they handled the arrancar, and I did."

"I see you've screwed up yet again." Ichigo was shoved to the side by Toshiro, who, if I was seeing correctly, grabbed the portal with both hands until I could only see his face. And then the shouting started. "You see? THIS is why you have to listen to your superiors! Otherwise you mess up whatever you touch and WE have to fix it!" His face was REALLY red now. Kind of ironic for someone who controlled ice, if you ask me.

But I knew he was right. I screwed up, I TOTALLY screwed up. Cotton Fluff was right, Kubo was right, Ichigo was right, Kisuke's always right... You get the picture. "I know! I'm sorry! I messed up. You don't have to keep reminding me. Nikui did that when she drew her zanpakuto!"

"Who?"

I facepalmed. "The one I created to be Yamamoto's granddaughter, remember?" Yeah, he wasn't getting it. "Ugh, forget it. I'll just show you a picture of her when you guys find me. Speaking of which, where are you?"

Ichigo took hold of the portal again. "We're closing in on the school, but we're still pretty far. We ran into a few groups of Hollows on the way. Just stay put and we'll come get you, okay?" I nodded. "You'd better listen this time, Jo. Everything's only going to get worse if you don't." I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you say, Mom. Now just hurry up and get here. I'm stuck in this building until the rain lets up." As Ichigo backed away from the portal, I noticed Yumichika and Orihime chatting. Something didn't feel right with Yumichika, though. It wasn't in a way where I'd be screaming, 'OHMYGODAHOLLOW!' No, it was more along the lines of, 'Hey, Yumichika, something about your appearance is off!' Then I looked at his eye feather thingies. I still don't really know what the purpose of those things are...well, at least for him. I think I've seen them on drag queens or something. Don't ask where I saw a drag queen. I'll tell you some other time. "Yumichika!" I called and immediately got his attention, "your feather thing on your eyebrow's all messy."

"It's WHAT?" He elbowed Fruit Pop out of the way with such force that he flew into the nearest building. Renji laughed again, this time complaining about his sides, while Orihime ran to the love of her life to make sure he was okay. I shook my head. Ichigo, you're such a blind dufus. I'm sure if Bleach was a shoujo he would've hit that ditzy walking pair of breasts and magical hair clips at least a season ago. And no, I'm not talking about filler. Anyway, Yumichika was busy using the portal as a mirror to fix his feather. And man, did e spend a good amount of time on it.

Renji sighed. "Yumichika, you are so girly."

"He's not girly," I argued. "Bitch, he's fabulous!" They all just froze. And they stared. And stared. "What? Come on, don't look at me like that. Either I said it or he was going to say it."

"She's right, though," he replied as he flipped his hair. Then Renji and Ichigo switched to Yumichika. And guess what? I saw another WTF face from the main character! Ichigo WTF face counter: 17.

"Look, just hurry here. I'm all alone!" I did the over dramatic throwing-your-arm-over-your-eyes-and-leaning-your-head-back thing, just to add emphasis on my statement. "Please come save me from this desolate building before a Hollow comes in and consumes me. I don't want to become a crate of golden cashews!"

"...Jo, you are SO full of shit."


	25. Kon is Heroic

**10/2012: Hey, dear Bleach fans. How are you all? I'm sure everyone has heard of Hurricane Sandy battering the East Coast. I live in the path that Sandy took. My house didn't suffer any damage, nor did my neighborhood. I lost power for almost 24 hours but I've got it back. Some of my family and closest friends are suffering a bit, with no power and a bit of flooding. But everyone is alright, so we can deal with the damage. New Jersey got hit the hardest, especially Seaside Heights and Atlantic City. Many parts of Long Island are facing devastation, and New York City is virtually shut down. 39 people here in the north eastern US were killed, and 69 in the Caribbean. This was more than a hurricane: it was a freak of nature.**

**But enough talking about the bad that came out of this. I want to focus on the good things. All of that damage can be fixed. It'll take time, just as the healing will. The reconstruction won't be as simple as alchemy, of course, but we'll all get through this. We all have the future to look forward to. I've still got a newborn sister to take care of once she's born. So if you know anyone who was hit by the storm, send your support in any way you can. If you are one of the victims of the storm, know that you have support. We'll get through this storm together.**

**There isn't much I can do to help anyone out, but I can at least try to lift your spirits up with a little comedy. Hopefully a little laughter could distract your mind from the devastation, even if it's only for a few minutes. Enjoy.**

**11/2012: Hey, all. My sister was born safe and sound. She got chunky cheeks and a little mohawk, She's adorable~**

"...Jo, you are SO full of shit," Ichigo said to me. Yeah, I figured something like that would be said. But that was only because he didn't understand the meaning behind the cashews. He never would, no matter how hard he tried to. It was a fan girl thing. Fan girls, if you watched any of Casshern Sins, you'll hopefully get it.

"Okay, yes. I am. Now can you just hurry over here? Seriously, this place is creepy."

Ichigo sighed. "Alright, we're coming right now. Just don't leave." And with that, the magical video portal thingy vanished. All at once. It didn't even lose connection like those fake documentary-type horror movies you see. So I was left alone again, with nobody to talk to. At least I still had my bag of stuff.

By the way, what was in there, anyway? I never really took a minute to see the full contents of my bookbag. It was just sort of, you know, there on my back. The one time I actually looked in it was when I lost my flower hairpin. Ugh, the memory of that still freaked me out. Note to self: sodder hairpins to scalp when traveling through uncaptioned portals. My bag was just sitting there next to me, begging to be opened and explored. God, that sounded wrong. I unzipped it and dug my hand in there. I counted three sketchbooks: my Bleach one, my magical one, and another one. I took it out and flipped to the first page, and saw my other original characters. Oh, right, this was THAT sketchbook. Looking at my bag, I knew I wouldn't be able to find everything this way. So I turned it upside down and emptied out the entire contents. I couldn't believe how much stuff came out. "Wow... How did my back not break from carrying all this?" In all I had the following: three sketchbooks, two notebooks, my headphones, my iPod, my charger, my cellphone, a pencil case, some jewelry, a bottle of iced tea, a few bags of cookies – how the hell did I not smell those? – a sweater, a small mirror, some lip balm, and a few muscle wraps. How did all of this stuff fit in there?

While I started to organize my things, my bag started jumping around. "What the hell?" It was like one of those packages of Mexican jumping beans little kids would see in 99 cent stores and be fascinated by. But I was far from fascinated. I was creeped out. I'm sure anyone would be creeped out to find their empty bag just jumping to life across a lunch room table. Speaking of the bag, it started warping a bit. Was something else in there. It warped some more, until I saw Kon's head pop out. He did this overly dramatic gasping for air thing, like when someone's drowning and they finally get their head above water.

"I CAN BREATHE!" he yelled to the ceiling. His voice echoed throughout the room. He gasped for a few seconds more before looking at me. Then he fell silent. But that didn't last. When does silence ever last when it comes to Kon? "OH MY BANKAI YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!" Oh my _what_? "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU SQUEEZED THE STUFFING OUT OF ME!" So he was going down THAT road. He leapt out from my bag, sailing ever so slowly towards me, reaching his arms out. "YOU OWE ME FOR THIS-"

Of course, I stopped him. And it only took one hand. "Why are you so loud?" I yelled back. "I can hear you just fine. No need to make my ears bleed." He hit the table top with a squeak. "Anyway, I should be mad at you! What were you doing inside my bag? How'd you even get in there?"

As he stood, I could see the tremendous guilt arise on his face. "Oh.. Yeah, funny story about that. You see, I was trying to, uh..." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"You don't have an explanation, do you?"

He shook his head. "Nope, 'fraid not. Just ended up in there some how." I sighed and facepalmed. If this were the Avatar world, gypsies would be mistaking me for Aang by now. "But forget that. I overheard what was happening. And I just want to let you know that I'm here to help." He struck a pose, sticking his arm out to try and look all heroic. I couldn't help it, and began laughing. "What? You got a problem with your savior?"

I pointed at him. "YOU'RE my savior? Please." I poked him in the stomach. "You're about as heroic as the Pillsbury dough boy." I didn't realize it until it happened, but when I poked Kon in the stomach, I accidentally popped the pill out of his little lion body. The doll fell limp and the pill fell on the floor, rolling away. "Hey! Come back here!" I sprang up and chased after the pill, which somehow, started rolling faster. It rolled right under the door into the kitchen section. "Dammit." Now I had to break in to save Kon. I peeked through the window. Didn't see it. I knelt down and looked under the door. It wasn't that far away. In fact, I could probably grab it. There was enough room for me to stick my arm underneath. I snaked my arm under the door, moving slowly so I wouldn't get caught against it. Yup, I fit perfectly. But the pill was still out of reach. "Come on..." I begged, and pushed further inside. My fingertip touched the little green object, but I still couldn't get a full grip on it. Licking my lips, I twisted my hand around and grabbed the pill. "Got it!"

I suddenly felt immense pain and pressure on my wrist. I tried to pull my arm back with no luck. As I pulled, the pressure pushed down more. It felt like the bottom of a shoe. Someone was stepping on my wrist. Looking up I could see the silhouette of a figure. Unfortunately no details, but at least I knew someone was on the other side. But who? Oh, I really hoped it wasn't one of Aizen's lackeys.

The door to the kitchen flew off. It hit the opposite wall, ALL the way on the other side of the lunch room. Now I could see who was holding me down. If that creepy smile didn't give it away, then the crazy hat he wore definitely did. It was Di Roy. Oh man, the way he looked at me was so creepy! "So Lord Grimmjow was right," he said as he eyed me like a steak dinner. "He didn't say it'd be this easy to catch you, though. I wonder why he left that part out." Great. If I were to be up against any lower level arrancar – even if I didn't want it – of course Di Roy would be the one. I guess that proved how much he sucked.

"Hey, buddy," I complained, "Could you get off of my arm? That's my drawing hand." All he really did was laugh.

"Oh, is that right?" He looked down at my hand. "Lord Aizen told us all about you, Jo Weizu." He called me by my full name. That could only mean bad shit was going to happen. "You're a human from another world who knows everything about ours. You have this strange yet unique ability to make whatever you want become reality. That's a pretty amazing power. And you know what? He's given you the honor to serve under him and help bring down the Soul King."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Bitch, please. Do you REALLY think I'm gonna serve under Bitch Curl? No. I cosplayed as him for a convention, so I know what kind of prick he is. You should already know I want nothing to do with him."

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice. It's not a decision for you to make." He leaned down and looked at me, hands in his pockets, still smirking. But now he had those small psycho eyes. I mean, he had them before, but now they were worse. "Either you come quietly, or I make you. Got it?"

My mind was racing. There wasn't much I could do in this situation. He had me trapped. My sketchbook was too far for me to even attempt drawing with my right hand. Kon was out of commission because I popped his pill out... Actually, even if the Soul Candy was still in his body, he was useless. What could he do? Throw punches made of fluff at Di Roy to get him off of me? "Go fuck yourself, Di Roy. Looking at your face makes me wanna puke." I stuck my tongue out at him.

Yup, I was dead. "I can arrange that." His foot twisted so his heel was on top of the back of my hand, and he pushed all of his weight on me. The pain was unbearable, something I'd never felt before. It was horrible. I screamed louder than I ever had. Something definitely snapped. Multiple things, probably. I became numb from my shoulder to my forearm, and from there down it burned. He stepped off of me and just stood there, watching. I looked at my hand. Blood was quickly pooling around it. I couldn't move any of my fingers or my wrist. The majority of my fingers had been spared, but everything from where they connected to my hand, to the end of my wrist, was done. I could've sworn I even saw a bone or two poking out. The fucker broke my hand.

I pushed myself to a sitting position with my good arm, and stood up. All Di Roy could do was laugh. Well look at the great Jo Weizu now! You're pathetic." I noticed him raising a leg. Was he really about to Sparta kick me? I was right, and his foot flew forward. Luckily I managed to block his kick with my good arm. I skid back a few feet. "Oh, please. You're really going to fight back?" He huffed, annoyed. "Fine. Don't matter to me if you become another corpse." He pushed again, this time thrusting his leg out. I flew backwards, unable to stop myself, rolling on the floor a few times. Yup, that was my stomach. Definitely my stomach. "I don't see what the big deal is. Maybe Aizen was caught in a moment of hype." While gathering myself together, I coughed up some blood. Guess he did arrange to have me puke. Not the way I imagined it, but I never wanted to in the first place. I saw him walking toward the table where all my stuff was. "According to what I was told, you create a new reality using one of these books." He moved his head, inspecting my things. "Well I'm too lazy to look through everything, so I'll just destroy it all!" He opened his mouth. Light blue energy started gathering around his lips. It grew bigger, into a ball. Not a Cero. Not now, when I couldn't shove it back down his throat so he could explode and I could dance in his blood. What a scumbag. And I coudn't even get up to stop him. Even if I could, how would I stop him?

Instinctively, I reached to my back for my sword. But it wasn't there. Then I remembered how I'd left it behind at Kisuke's place. "Dammit!" How could I be so stupid?

The wall behind me broke. A large hole formed. "Hihio Zabimaru!" A large, boney snake head flew into the room, followed by equally large segments connected by red energy. The snake head tackled Di Roy into the farthest wall. Before he could react a large blast came from the snake's mouth. Di Roy was enveloped by it. I could barely hear his scream because the blast was so loud. Soon it was gone, and so was he. The wall, too. Renji really overdid it.

Speaking of him, Renji hopped in through the hole his bankai made. Ichigo, Orihime, Yumichika and Toshiro followed right behind him. Yumichika shook his head as he looked around. "What a mess," he commented as he wandered to the wall where Di Roy had been killed. I don't know what he'd find there, if anything. From what I saw, his body was probably a pile of dust or something.

Orihime knelt next to me. "Jo!" she cried out in that somewhat adorable voice of hers. What's the other part of the somewhat, you ask? Annoying. She's sweet and all, but I hate how damsel-like she is. "Are you okay?" Seriously? Did she HAVE to ask?

Renji came to me next and helped me sit up. His arm went around my back and his hand went on my stomach. Bad idea. "Ow ow ow ow ow EASY!" I yelled at him, and I think I accidentally elbowed him in the gut. He made some kind of noise that sounded gross. Yeah, I elbowed him. Hopefully not in the nuts. He sat next to me and sighed. "That's quite a beating you took there. It's a miracle you're still alive."

"Yeah, I know," I replied condescendingly. "That's not even the worst of it." I gestured my chin down toward my left hand. Renji looked at it.

"Holy shit!" he yelled, almost falling back. "That's REALLY bad." Orihime couldn't even look at it. It must've been too gruesome for her to look at. I could understand that, but I was still in extreme pain and bleeding out from the broken mess that was my hand. "How'd he do that?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Really?" I rolled my eyes. "He stepped on my arm, Renji. What other way could this have been done?"

"Well he could've held you by your wrist and squeezed it until it broke."

Carrot Top punched Renji in the back of the head. "Not helping, ass." He placed a hand on Orihime's shoulder and she turned toward him. "Listen, I know her injury looks bad, but you're the only one that can heal her right now. So you'll have to suck it up for a bit, okay?"

She nodded. "Alright." Orihime gulped and looked at my hand. To my surprise, her eyes never left the mangled mess. She was able to stomach more than I thought. Thinking back to the manga, she was able to stomach seeing Ichigo with a gaping hole through his chest as his innards and blood lay visible to her... Okay, maybe it wasn't THAT graphic, but that's how I saw it. She held her hands over my arm and a yellow glow appeared. Her Soten Kisshun covered the bottom half of my arm. It was warm, not burning like Tessai's kido. I still think he did that on purpose somehow. And then more pain hit. I watched the entire healing process. All the bones that were sticking out from my skin shifted back inside, broken bones seared themselves together again, and the wounds sewed themselves closed. It was like Casshern healing after beind injured, with just as much pain and none of the insanity. It hurt like a bitch. My free hand scrambled around, looking for something to grab and squeeze. Renji offered me his. So who was I to turn down this opportunity? I grabbed that bastard and squeezed the shit out of his hand. Of course, I didn't have the strength to break it, but I did see him clenching his teeth and tapping his other hand on the floor.

"Easy!" he barked at me. "That hurts!"

Fruit Pop looked over to the table where all my stuff was. Toshiro was standing there. Toshiro was touching everything. "Hey!" I yelled. "Quit touching my stuff! I don't know where your hands have been! You're gonna dirty everything!" Toshiro turned to me, only to do the most dickbag thing I've ever seen him do. The little bastard actually stuck his tongue out at me! I growled. "Ichigo, PLEASE get Turdshiro away from my things!" I heard Yumichika laughing in the corner. Looking around, I noticed something strange. "Hey, where's Uryu?"

"He went to join the others," he replied as he made his way to the table. "Hey, Hitsugaya, Jo doesn't want you touching her-" His voice ceased. "The hell?" From where I sat, I was somehow able to make out the expression on his face. A WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 18. "Jo, what's Kon doing here?" He pressed a finger down on the table, probably to poke Kon. "And why is he so quiet?"

"Little bastard snuck into my bag." The pain was finally beginning to subside a bit. "I poked him in the stomach and accidentally popped his pill out." I let go of Renji's arm, much to his relief, and pulled out the little green sphere from my pocket. "Here." I threw it across the room to him and he caught it. He pushed it back into Kon's body, and the doll came back to life.

He immediately stood up. "Whoa! What's going on? What happened?" Everyone sighed.


	26. Steve is Trooperish

Fruit Pop picked up Kon by his head. "Don't play stupid with me," Ichigo said to him. "I know you can hear what's going on no matter what form you're in." Oh, I'd actually forgotten about that. How could I? "Spill it! What happened here?" Kon flailed his arms and legs, which made Ichigo decide to shake him a little. Kind of like the way Ikkaku shook me, except Kon got it from his head – insert explicitly sexual comment here.

"Okay, okay!" Kon yelled. "Jo poked my belly and my pill fell out of my body, and she made fun of me because I said I was going to save her. I decided to piss her off so I rolled around on the floor for a while, and I went underneath the door into the kitchen. But I swear, I didn't know that dude with the seashell on his head was coming here! He just kind of popped in the room!"

"HOW?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Kon yelled again. "I could barely see anything from where I was. Plus Jo had me in her hand already so my vision was obscured! All I can tell you is that freaky hermit crab dude was scary as fuck." Ichigo sighed and dropped Kon, looking nowhere near satisfied with his answer.

By that time, Orihime had finished healing me completely, stomach and all. My hand was as good as new, thank the spirits. I stood up and looked to the table again, where I saw Turdshiro. He looked like he was about to throw a three-year-old style tantrum. It took me a few seconds to realize why, but then I remembered the Anti-Turdshiro barrier I'd put around the sketchbook. That little fucker wouldn't be touching my stuff ANYTIME soon. And then I remembered something else. "Hey, by the way, did you guys happen to find any clues as to Ricky's whereabouts?"

"Unfortunately not," Yumichika replied. He strode away from the dust bunny that used to be that hermit crab Di Roy. I know he wasn't _really_ supposed to be based off a hermit crab – okay, maybe he _was_ – but either way, Kon saying he looked like one made a lot of sense. Anyway, the others shook their heads in agreement. Not with me, but Yumichika. "By the way," he continued, "is there anything we should worry about with this guy?"

My head tilted. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play stupid," I suddenly heard Turdshiro cut in. "You know damn well what he's talking about." He walked over to me, and didn't stop until he stood directly in front of me. I kind of wanted to laugh, because for a split second, I swore I saw him tiptoeing so he could match my height. Of course, it failed miserably. "You're always screwing up and making our lives more difficult. So you have to tell us RIGHT NOW" - he raised his voice at that moment - "whether the guy you have us on a wild goose chase for is even worth risking our lives to look for. Do we have an understanding now, airhead?" My eyebrow twitched a little.

Did this little angry snowman just try to insult me? Oh, he better watch that mouth of his before I erase it. Or for better comedic purposes, melt it off. "You know," I replied. "those words would be a fight on my block." I saw his face turn tomato red. He opened his mouth to lash back at me, but I guess he couldn't think of anything, because he stayed silent. But he _did_ wag an angry finger at me before backing off. "Anyway..." I pushed past Turdshiro so I could see everyone else better.

"Well, he _does_ have this... 'side' of him-"

"What do you mean?" Carrot Top asked, raising an eyebrow. I was sort of surprised that he wasn't making a WTF face yet. Sorry, dear readers. You'll have to wait for me freak Ichigo out a little more.

By the time I was done explaining Ricky's powers to them – at least, what I knew – as best as I possibly could, we were walking out of the high school. Everyone looked very confused, especially Orihime, who looked more dazed than a girl who drank a cup full of roofies. Don't ask how I know this, because I really don't... I REALLY don't want to explain that.

-0-

**Ricky**

I woke up dazed on the side of the road. I didn't remember ever getting _this_ drunk, at least not since the time when I woke up next up to some hermaphrodite in Mexico. Mmm, good times. I pushed myself onto my feet and wandered aimlessly down the road, stumbling, looking for anything that was familiar to me. "Where the fuck am I?" I yelled in the middle of a surprisingly empty street. Yeah, the streets on the other blocks were full of people. But nope, not mine! Where ever I was, I was blessed with my own block where I could perform dramatic scenes from various shows like **Lost**. I kind of felt like I was on that show right now, except without the volleyball and with more society. Looking around, it seemed nobody knew I existed. I took this opportunity to dramatically fall to my knees, throw my hands to the sky, and yell as loud as I could, "WILSONNNNNNN!" Still, nobody paid any attention to me. "Okay, I'm finished." I stood back up and continued down the road, whatever road that happened to be. Everything seemed so familiar, yet I couldn't put my finger on it. Soon, I was on a street that actually had signs of life! Can you believe it? I found people!

So I'm walking down the street, and then I see this weird giant ghost-like thing standing on the corner. The part that amazed me was that nobody seemed to notice it. Just like with me before! There were no cops, no S.W.A.T. Team, no helicopters with lights flashing. NOTHING! I stared at it a little longer, and realized nobody was looking my way, either. "Aw, crap! I must've died! Well it was a good run while it lasted... I think. Maybe I can make friends with this big creepy thing." So I walked over to this big creepy thing that was just standing on the street corner. I rose a hand to slap it on the back and say, "Hey, Steve!" He turned to me, and turned back to the street. "Huh?" That's when I finally saw it: the street light, originally red, had now turned green, and the creature crossed the street. So this thing was just waiting for the crossing sign to change? How weird. And – AND – he has the audacity – THE AUDACITY – to not say hi to me, the ONE person who noticed his existence? That son of a bitch! He ignored me!

"I'm gonna have to follow that bastard," I said to myself, "and give him a piece of my mind!" I ran after him as the light was changing. "Yo, Steve! Wait up!" I made it halfway across the street and out of nowhere, a giant 18-wheeler truck decides to speed down the street... right toward me. Well if I was gonna die here, AGAIN, I may as well make it count for something by jumping onto the windshield and make a statement. So that's what I attempted to do. I hoped I would re-spawn in World 1-1 instead of this Silent Hill ripoff of a society. So I did what any able-bodied man would do in a situation like this: I double tapped the 'R' button and did a barrel roll toward the truck's windshield. I tucked my head in, squeezed my eyes shut and waited for impact...

Except for the ground in my face. I opened my eyes and saw the road as my face impacted right into the asphalt. I said to myself, "Why am I not surprised?" I must've been in some dream; then again, if I _was_ dreaming, where were all the sexy ladies. I mean, they didn't have to be crawling out from some hentai-based alley, but still. And on top of that, I'm late for my next class! And on top of that, where the hell was Tim? He and I were sucked into the computer somehow. I knew I shouldn't have installed that new processor. Hmm... I should at least look around for him while I'm here. Or I could leave him here to rot.

I continued my trek down the river styx. For those of you who have no clue what I mean, Google is your best friend. The buildings around me were changing, and not in a good way. But at this point, I didn't know what the 'good way' was. I then came across the most generic Japanese school building I've ever seen in my life. I spotted a group of people walking out. I then thought, what the hell? I may as well make obscene gestures at them for my own amusement. Screw what they thought, they wouldn't see it anyway. So I walked over to them, and I noticed something oddly familiar. There was a short girl in the middle. "Huh." I recognized her from some manga I read the other day; didn't remember which one, though. I must be dreaming. Oh well, I may as well get laid here while I can. As I got closer, I saw more details of the other people around her. There was a guy standing next to the girl who looked like the most generic anime hero you'd ever come across. Standing next to him was another guy whose head only came up to his waist. I had to be careful so I wouldn't step on him. The third was a guy who had to be one of Tim's past lives with red hair. And then there were two ladies – one with tits you wouldn't believe, and a flat-chested fashion diva. And then my eyes went back to the short girl. As I studied her, I realized, no way, that couldn't be Jo. No, no, I wouldn't do _that_ to Jo in my dreams.

Then she looked my way, and froze. I mean, she literally turned into some kind of ice sculpture the way she looked at me. Except her boobs. They jiggled for a few extra seconds before stopping in place. Tim's past life looked at her and saw her weird state of shock. "Hey, what's the matter?" he asked. She didn't give an answer. I looked at them, then to the girl, back to them, then back to the girl, and finally at my hands. I turned them over several times. Where the fuck did these black outlines come from? I came to the realization that I was having one sweet ass dream.

The girl's hand slowly came unfrozen and raised. Her hand pointed to me. "R-R-R-Ricky?" she said in a shaky voice.

'Oh shit, it IS Jo!' I thought to myself. Her body unfroze and she walked toward me. "Ricky?" she repeated. When she was directly in front of me, her hand raised and touched my beard. Ah, so it was still there. And in a reaction, I grabbed her boob. And squeezed it. Gently. My eyes left her for a second and trailed to the generic hero guy, who was making some sort of distorted face. Huh. It looked something like a 'what-the-fuck' face. Then I felt a slap to my cheek. My attention returned to her. I couldn't tell if she was smiling or about to rip my nuts off. But it was totally worth it. "Wait," she continued, "this can't be. I mean, you look like Ricky. You grab my boobs like him. But there's just no way..."

I reluctantly let go of her cleavage. "If I wasn't Ricky, could I do this?" I stepped back and gestured my hands in the jazz fashion. I suddenly felt the presence of something falling behind me. All eyes went in that direction, including mine, and I realized that Steve was laying face-down on the ground. "Oh no," I yelled, "not Steve! He was a trooper!"

"It IS you!" I heard, and then the girl jumped into my arms. "RICKY!" she squealed. Yup, it was definitely Jo.

-0-

**Jo**

"It IS you!" I squealed. And then I jumped into his arms. I'm so glad he caught me, otherwise I would've been making out with the ground. "RICKY!" I couldn't believe it! It was really him!

Okay, to my readers for a moment. I will brutally murder ANYONE who places a review to this chapter with a Naruto 'Believe It' reference. Just saying. Okay. That's all. I still love you.

His arms wrapped around me and he spun me around like a rag doll. Of course, it was Ricky, so I didn't mind. He put me down when our hug was finished and I finally got a good look at him. He looked exactly the same here as he did back in the real world: same beard, same hair, same curl at the very back, same smile, same boner... Wait, what? But his eyes were WAY more insane than I remembered. Eh, something had to change if he went through a portal to get here. "Where have you been all this time?" I asked.

"I've been hanging out with my new buddy, Steve," he replied, pointing behind him to the carcus that he called 'Steve'. "I've been stumbling through the streets, getting hit by trucks. You know, normal Wednesday."

I turned around to the group. "Guys, THIS is one of the two people I was looking for! We found him!" Everyone's jaws were still on the floor, including Ichigo. In fact, he was making a HUGE WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 19. "Hey!" I yelled to them. They didn't react. So I clapped my hands. "Clap off!" And somehow, that worked.

Fruit Pop came up to us first. "You mean THIS is the guy our group was looking for? And he just APPEARS here?"

Ricky shrugged his shoulders and nodded. "Yeah, that's kind of how these chapters work." Ichigo was so freaked out by these circumstances that he made ANOTHER WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 20. "You know, I've traveled through SO many alleyways today, and you guys haven't even offered me anything to drink!" Ricky turned toward me. "Jo, I don't think these guys are nice people. Why are you hanging around with these Soul Reapers? I thought you'd be over in Hueco Mundo crashing Aizen's tea party!"

Yumichika interrupted us. "So, uh, which guy is this again? I forget." He looked Ricky up and down. "And why does his sense of fashion suck so bad?"

Once again, Ricky surprised me, but it wasn't as good this time. He took Yumichika's hand and kissed the top of it. "I'm Ricky, beautiful, and you would be?" I swear, I saw the feathers on Yumichika's eyebrow twitch.

"The name's Yumichika, and I'm a man."

Ricky's face looked very broken, like glass. "Oh. Well, this is certainly awkward." He let go of Yumichika and looked over to Orihime. "Is that big tit goddess a man, too?"

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, had a simultaneous spit take. Orihime damn near fainted. Ichigo had the funniest WTF face on I'd ever seen on him. You know what? It's gonna count for two! Ichigo WTF face counter: 22. And then Carrot Top stormed over to Ricky and went to headbutt him in the gut. Except it didn't work out that way. Ricky sidestepped and Ichigo went head first into the school building. "Man, you're WAY too slow!" Ricky said to him, shoving his hands into his pockets. Honestly, after I regained my composure, I gave a small smirk. Not to the comment to Orihime, but to Ichigo's reaction. That bastard liked her, he just proved it. Renji helped pull him out from the wall and brushed all debris from him.

"Damn, Ichigo," he said, "that was some attack."

"Shut up." Ginger Snap shook the dust from his hair and, glaring at Ricky, shook his head at him and went to check on Orihime. She turned out fine, and shook off Ricky's comment, AFTER I made him apologize, of course.

Once that whole ordeal was over, we decided to join up with the rest of the group. "Uh, Ricky?" I started asking as we walked. "You haven't seen Tim around, have you?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Well no. I installed some new software onto my computer, Tim and I read some manga on it and BAM!" He balled one hand into a fist and slammed it into the other. "But still, I have no idea where he is. He isn't in my dreams as often as you are."

"Oh..." So he thought this was a dream.

"Well this isn't a dream!" Turdshiro cut in, speaking with an attitude. "This is the real deal. And because of HER, we have to find this other person." Ricky looked from Turdshiro to me, and I just waved him off in a 'don't-pay-attention-to-him' motion.

"Wait, how are you to blame, Jo?"

I sucked my teeth. Not this explanation again. "Well you see, I have this magical sketchbook here in the Bleach universe. It lets me distort reality as I please. So I accidentally drew you and Tim in it, and it transported you here."

"But wait. Then why didn't we land where you were?" Aw, more questions?

"Honestly...it was because I didn't put a caption. Whenever I forget to do that, whatever I drew ends up in a random place." Ricky was silent, but then he laughed a little. I guess he understood it. "So now we're looking for Tim."

"Ah. Any leads?"

"There is one." I sighed. "Unfortunately, it's not a very good one. He's bound to be in a place he either hates or knows nothing about, with characters in that area to match."

Orihime caught up to us from behind. "So what sort of place would that be?" I shrugged my shoulders. It was weird. Normally, I'd know where to find him. But it was so different in the Bleach universe, especially being _in_ it. There were more places than I knew of, places the manga and anime never showed. Where, in ALL of the Bleach universe, could my boyfriend be?

I prayed it wasn't a filler arc section.


	27. Renji is Phallic

**Hello, dear Bleach fans! Welcome to a special End-of-the-World / First day of Winter edition of **_**And I Was Insane To Begin With**_**. Grab your popcorn and your radiation suits. Sit back, relax, and watch the world burn on your flat screen.**

By this point, we were pretty far from Karakura High. We actually passed by those apartment buildings where I had a conversation with Cloud Kubo. That snooty bitch. I still want to smack him. He smacked me and left my hair soaking wet – please insert explicitly sexual commentary here. I have to get him back for that at some point. Then I remembered the voices I heard inside one of the apartments. Yeah, the Fullbringers' voices. Not the most desirable people to be hanging out with, or to make a fan character for. I know I'd never put that curse upon myself.

"Hey, Jo." Ricky's voice interrupted my thoughts. Not rudely, of course, like SOME Japanese gingers I know of. "That short tannish cotton swab of a man over there… Why is he so grumpy?" Turdshiro knew Ricky was talking about him, and marched over to us. We stopped in front of him and he did that damned tiptoeing thing again. Really? Was he REALLY trying to match Ricky's height? Ricky crouched down and, to my slight surprise, pat Turdshiro on the head. "You know, you're such an adorable little person. Would you like a juice box or maybe some snacks or candy-" And with that, Turdshiro clamped his tiny cotton swab fangs down on Ricky's hand. And he just stared at him. Actually, he waved the very hand Turdshiro was biting down on to Orihime. WITH Turdshiro still attached. "Hey, Boobie Goddess, you've got some kind of magical healing pixie things, right? Could you patch this up for me before I get rabies?" That comment must've surprised Turdshiro a lot, because he immediately let go. I couldn't help to laugh, and apparently, so did Renji. A few seconds later, Turdshiro was holding his tongue and making a disgusted face. I should've warned him about Ricky's salty tendencies….yeah, I'm glad I didn't. Oh, you mean you don't know? Ricky lives off of salt. You could probably use his blood or sweat as a soy sauce substitute. Okay, moving on!

Ichigo broke my train of thought this time. And he actually did something useful for once. He brought the group's focus back to the task. "Guys!" he yelled. "Weren't we supposed to be looking for someone else, too? You know, Jo. You said we were supposed to be finding TWO people."

"Fuck!" I yelled, throwing my hands in the air. And not waving them, because I actually cared. "Tim! We still have to find my boyfriend!" I saw Renji cringe, nearly shrinking down into the fetal position to roll around in fear. And then there was Ricky, who just looked at me with the least bit of surprise on his face.

"…Oh, yeah.,." he added in, catching sight of Renji's lack of color. "Hey, what's got One-Eyed Willy so scared?" If the situation weren't so dire, I would've been laughing until my lungs shriveled up. But I couldn't. Not now. Not when my darling Sweet Potato may have accidentally danced his way into a filler arc! No! I will not stand for that!

"Well…" Shit, I hate having to explain these things to Ricky. "You see, I passed out and I was having a dream-"

"Damn. Is that all it takes these days? Why haven't I been laid-" I smacked him. And surprisingly, I actually affected him. Must've hit him in the soul or something.

I think I may have been literally raging with flames around me. "RICKY!" My arms were flailing now. "First of all, you tell Tim NOTHING!" I spun around and pointed the finger of doom to Renji. "You either, you damned trouser snake!" My attention went back to Ricky. "Secondly, we have to find Tim! We have no idea where he could be, and now we've got literal trouble hunting us down!" I stopped to catch my breath and calm down. "You have to tell me how you got here. And I mean what happened when you were sucked into that portal thing."

His tone and expression became serious. "Well, I ended up in this facility with this crazed robot master yelling at me to complete test chambers for science. With the promise of cake at the end, I couldn't help but to complete these tests. Who was I to deny cake? I even made a friend along the way, my bulky buddy box. (To avoid copyright infringement, Black Mesa can kiss my)-"

I had to hit him. I HAD to! He was joking around while my sweet walrus meat who was lost in this two dimensional universe filled with sexual innuendos and raw violence. But I knew slapping him wouldn't get us any further. Yumichika stepped between us, probably to keep me from possibly smacking Ricky again. "Look, let's just relax. We've got to focus on finding this other person."

For once I'm glad Yumichika intervened with something. "Okay, I'm good now." I took in a deep breath and calmed down. "Ricky, be serious this time. Tell me what seriously happened."

"I actually woke up in the street. And…" His eyes squinted. "That's pretty much all I remember. Sorry." I sighed. We weren't getting anywhere with this.

"I've got an idea," Renji stepped in. "Jo, where were Kisuke and the others the last time you saw them?" And then my mind froze. And slapped me internally. It hurt. "Jo…what do you know?"

I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I was really stressed out. So many things were going wrong in this place. First Aizen discovers my existence, then Cloud Kubo sends me an eviction notice, and now this. Is all this a sign that I should just get out of here? _'Yes!'_ I could hear Kubo yelling in my head. Ugh, I really wanted to hit something. "They're fighting arrancar I created, and Kisuke's fighting Yamamoto's granddaughter." I'm surprised Ichigo's jaw didn't drop. Then again, I'm glad it didn't. I couldn't handle a WTF face at the moment.

Orihime tapped a finger to her chin. "Wait, didn't you say you drew them to bring them into our world?" I nodded, not knowing what that had to do with anything. "Well then, why don't you just erase the drawing? That should get rid of them!"

Wait…did Orihime just give me an idea? A GOOD idea? Everyone's eyes moved from me to her. How did Orihime, the ditziest big-boobed girl I've ever met, come up with that idea? Huh, Kubo must've actually given her a bit of brains. I've gotta remove her from my list of anime stereotypes now.

Turdshiro had been thinking about her idea. "Hmm…seems feasible. It wouldn't hurt to try." Without waiting for Turdshiro to order me, I took out my sketchbook and sat down on the sidewalk. As I reached over to my bag to get my eraser, I saw them watching me in my peripheral vision.

"What?"

"Just keeping my eye on you," Turdshiro commented.

I squinted and gave him a dirty look. "Okay, whatever." I got my large heavy-duty eraser out and flipped through the pages. Something wasn't right. The pages where I'd drawn Nikui and my arrancar had a greenish hue to them, a sea foam green. There was also Nikui's page, which smelled like lavender – the same as her reiatsu. Okay, very weird. I shook the thought from my mind and brought the eraser to the page. Nikui was going first, because she scared the hell out of me. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the others if I knew she would still be around. As the eraser got closer to the paper, smoke started coming out from it. It touched the paper, and suddenly, burst into flames. "Ow!" I let it go and it fell to the ground, disintegrating into a pile of melted rubber. "The hell was that?" I shook out my hand; it'd burnt me a little.

"Fire!" Ricky yelled, and he quickly stomped it out. I barely heard him, though. I was too focused on the picture that I'd tried to erase. How did that even happen? Things just got worse when the pages with the enemy drawings tore themselves free from the book and floated in the air. We all stood and watched, not knowing how else to react. The green hue on the pages expanded, forming hexagonal prisms around each of them. The prisms joined into one and contrasted, vanishing with the pages into nothing.

I collapsed to my knees, still staring at the sky. "No…NO!" I balled my hands into fists and hit them on the ground. Carrot Top knelt next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. Turdshiro's eyes had narrowed. He knew exactly what had happened. "You know, don't you?"

He nodded. "The shape of that prism was definitely Aizen. He's protecting the arrancar you created." He turned to me. "But that still doesn't explain how he was able to keep them from being eradicated."

"I know how," Ginger Snap intervened. "When Jo first entered Hueco Mundo by accident, her flower hairpin fell out of her hair. Aizen found it. It must have some of her reiatsu on it. And since she created those arrancar…"

"Aizen has influence over their existence," Renji finished, "Taking that power away from Jo." I stood up. I couldn't believe this. Kubo was right all along. And I hated to admit that. "How are we going to stop them now?" He looked over to Ricky and I, as if he were expecting us to have the answer.

Ricky raised his hand. "I've got an idea-"

"Ricky. Don't. Just…don't." I sighed.

"Aw. Don't be sad, Jo. I'll fix this. I always do, don't I?" He'd better have a good idea. "Look, why don't we just focus on finding Tim right now? We'll regroup and come up with an idea on how to kill a god. Okay?" He gave a nice, squeeze-filled hug. Aw, Ricky. He always knows how to make me feel better. "If there's another group, why don't we go find them instead of walking around in circles, yelling at each other like the Mayan calendar has abruptly ended? We can stop to get an emergency supply of Twinkes on the way. So shift your asses in gear and let's go!" He started marching, seemingly unaware that the rest of weren't following him yet. Then he turned around. "I have NO clue where I'm going."

Once again, he had me laughing. And in my peripheral vision, I saw it. An Ichigo WTF face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 23. He facepalmed. "Look, I'll just take the lead here. I know the area better than any of you." He actually did. Like I said, the manga and anime had nothing on the true size of the Bleach universe. I put my stuff back into my book bag and closed it. As we started walking again, I glanced to my side and saw Ricky swinging his arms with each sway. "Uh, what are you doing?"

"The fuck do you think I'm doing? I'm walking on sunshine!" Ichigo nearly tripped, and Yumichika let out a stifled chuckle. And then he started walking on air, as if it were a flight of stairs. We all just stared. He looked over his shoulder to us. "You mean you guys can't do this?"

Renji brought himself back to 'reality'. "Well, yeah, but…" He scratched his head. "How the hell do you know how to do it?"

"Yeah, Ricky," I interrupted, "HOW?"

"If I told you all my secrets, what kind of fun would this be?" And then he just kept walking. Itsygo tried his best to just ignore what transpired and he hoisted Orihime over his shoulder. Oh yeah, I nearly forgot she couldn't walk on air. At least I'm not the only one. Ricky stopped again and offered me his hand. "Care for a lift, madame?"

"Sure." I took his hand and he threw me onto his back.

"Preparing for take-off," he started. "Please keep your hands and legs inside the vehicle at all times. And please, refrain from asking questions until we have safely landed on whatever road I consider the runway. Exits are located at my left and right thighs." And without letting me even thinking of protesting, he said, "Swah swah swah swah," and then I pretty much ignored him from there. We took off and started running over the buildings. We were going pretty fast. I didn't expect that. There wasn't much talk going on as we sped toward the area where I'd left Kisuke. I didn't even have to tell them; Cotton Fluff was able to smell Nikui's reiatsu. I could smell it, too. It was pretty difficult to not smell it. And I was suddenly a bit happy about something that had to do with her.

Ichigo suddenly stopped, and we followed suit. "What's wrong?" Orihime asked, now properly positioned on Ichigo's back. Looks like he learned a thing or two about handling women. I'll have to throw a party to celebrate it sometime later on.

"There." He pointed ahead and I squinted to get a better look. There were figures flying around, crashing into buildings and attacking each other. It was them. "Who are they fighting?"

"My arrancar," I replied. Then I remembered: Fruit Pop had only seen Komurii and Hanzo. He'd never met Trevor or Citlali before. And I was SO glad he'd never met Nikui. He'd hater her just as much as I do. "Kisuke's probably fighting on the ground-"

"Take cover!" I heard Yumichika yell. We all scattered, avoiding a sudden blast of Ceros aimed at us. "They must've seen us," Yumichika yelled over the sound of the explosions. When they ceased, we looked in the direction of the battle again.

Komurii's eyes locked with mine. I knew she'd be pissed to see me again, considering I foiled her plan to kill me. She was seething with rage. "YOU BITCH!" she yelled to me. She raised her blade-equipped hand, pointing the blade upward. "MENOS!" A large hole ripped in the sky. Fuck, not another garganta. We could see at least twenty Menos Grande staring back at us. They shrieked, and I heard glass break. In the back of my mind, I wondered if that was their mating call.

"More Steves!" I heard Ricky yell over the Menos. I whacked the back of his head.

"No, Ricky. Only ONE Steve. Which reminds me- I have to ask you something important."

He turned to look at me. "No. I told you no questions until the end of th-"

"This can't wait!" I reached behind me to pull at my book bag. "I need you to help me name all of these Hollows!"


	28. Lunos is Benevolent

My train of thought was shattered when I heard Fruit Pop yelling at me. "How about instead of naming them, you actually help us DESTROY THEM!" He jumped off towards one of the Menos that had moved away from the main group and swung at it, splitting it in half.

"I AM!" I argued. "But even Hollows need names! What am I gonna put on their tombstones? Unless, of course, you want mindless spirits roaming around on the streets. Yamamoto would have you ass for tha-" Another Cero came our way. Ricky and I ducked out of the way, landing on the roof of a building and he let me down. More Menos were ripping their way into the world of the living through the Garganta. This was really getting out of hand.

Ricky wasn't doing anything, just staring up at the creatures pour out from the hole in the sky. "Wow," he mumbled to himself, "they're multiplying faster than Cell Jrs. Name the first one to go down Krillin." His gaze moved down, and he smiled suddenly. "Hey, look!" He picked up what looked to be an old umbrella. Seriously, where the hell do these random objects emerge from? "Oh, what a perfect weapon for a gentlemen such as myself! Have at you, knave!" He held it up and took a stance, and I could've sworn he was imitating Raphael from Soul Calibur. Another Menos came toward us and he pointed the umbrella at it. "You, alley-garbage! You lack dignity! How dare you attack me from my flank!" And then – I don't know how he did this – Ricky leapt several feet from the rooftop, pulled out a glove from his pocket, and slapped the creature right across its face. And even more surprising, its mask cracked and it fell apart, killing the Hollow. As he descended, he looked to me and yelled out, "Jo, I like this world!"

I facepalmed. And I thought I was the ridiculous one here. I looked out at the battlefield to check on the others. It didn't look like it was going as well as I'd hoped. There were still a lot of Menos coming out from the hole – and for once, I was trying my best to avoid the sexuality in this. Toshiro was slicing through them left and right while scanning the ground, probably for Rangiku. Renji was being his usual self, trying to take charge of the whole situation via bankai. Everyone else's swords were either already poking through a masked head, or moving on to the next one. And I just sat here, on the rooftop with Ricky. Useless. If it weren't for the constant rain of Ceros and Hollow remains I would've taken out my sketch book and joined in the fight. But according to the universe – its strings probably being pulled by Kubo at the moment – I couldn't. I was too scared of something potentially tearing my book to shreds. All I really did was watch everyone else fight, wishing I had my sword on me.

Dust was kicking up from the ground now, making the view of the battlefield slightly obscured. It was getting difficult to keep an eye on everyone. At the same time, I couldn't find Nikui or any of the arrancar; I couldn't even smell her. That was a bad sign – her scent was the only sign I had of tracking her movements. The arrancar didn't even have a tracking method. Other than them shooting their Ceros, of course. "Dammit," I mumbled, moving up onto my toes, hoping it would help out somehow. "How are there so many Menos over here?" And then it hit me. Bait. Someone had gotten their hands on some Hollow bait, and was spreading it like a wildfire. My money was on Komurii. Why? Probably as some part of an elaborate revenge plan for sucking her into the Garganta I made. Plus – duh! – she called them right in front of us. I had to take her out. But the dust was making finding her a difficult task. "Shit, man..." Somehow, this soot had to be cleared. "Think, think..." I hit the sides of my head with my fist.

Wind. That's what I needed. Who here had a wind-type zanpakuto? I surveyed whoever I found. Ichigo? Nope, he was a melee-type. Toshiro and Rukia: ice and snow, respectively. Yumichika? Nowhere near what I need. Where was a wind zanpakuto wielder when I needed one? "Kensei!" I yelled, suddenly remembering. Tachikaze was a wind-type. I mean, so was Senna's, but I'm trying to be canonical here. I took my bag off my back. And right on cue, another Cero blast came my way. Ricky and I ducked. I poked my head up. Okay, who was closest to us? Surprisingly, it was Ichigo... Wait, why's that surprising? He's the freaking main character. Of course he would be conveniently near me when I'm in distress! "Carrot Top!" I yelled, but he couldn't hear me. Of course this would happen. I looked up to the sky and shook my fist angrily. "Kubo, you prick! Quit making things difficult for me!"

"_**Oh, I'm sorry. Is this annoying you?**_" I heard the sky yell back. Yup, I knew it. I fucking knew it. "_**Maybe I should disable the safety and let you really see how dangerous it is to be inside the Bleach universe-**_"

"Are you shitting me right now?"

Kubo laughed. And it was some god-like roaring, earth-shaking laugh, like I expected. I don't think anyone else heard it, though. "_**Relax. There's no safety mode for the Bleach universe. But I CAN make it more difficult for you if you don't clean up your mess and leave ASAP. I gave you your first warning over a week ago, Jo. OVER A WEEK AGO!**_"

I raised an eyebrow. Had it really been that long since our first conversation? Wow, time just flies in the Bleach universe, doesn't it? Suddenly, AIR SLAP! Right to my hair! "Whoa! Watch it, Kubo!" He laughed again, and then I no longer sensed a deceptive or trolling aura around me. Back to business! "Ricky!" I wasn't watching him, but I think he turned my way. Or not. Whatever, as long as he's talking to me.

"And how can I be of service, madame?"

"Cover me. I need to summon someone." I quickly took out my sketch book and pencil, and opened to the first available page. My hand moved rapidly – save the sex jokes for later – and Kensei was appearing in front of me... Or at least I thought he was. Instead, I got a giant air fart from the paper. "Huh?" I closed the book and reopened it to the same page – and again, I got an air fart. "Why isn't this working?" I yelled. I tried to summon Kensei one last time, and...the spirit of a moose appeared before me. Okay, out of EVERYTHING possible, why a moose?

The moose stared down at me, his jaw moving fiercely as he chewed on walnuts. He clapped his hooves together and said to me, "I am the Moon God, Lunos. And I shall rain my orgasmic moon beams upon you." He clapped his hooves together one more time, and with his eyes looking outward like a chameleon, vanished in a similar air fart from before.

I pointed to the air the moose vanished from. "Uh, Ricky," I started, "d-did you just see that? A moose just sent some sort of semen warriors down upon us."

"Jo. Give me your book," he replied to me, completely ignoring the whole moose thing.

"What?"

"Give me the book, woman! We have no time for stalling!" Without even waiting for me to face him, Ricky pulled the book from my grasp and ran to the edge of the building. His foot slid back, his shoulders turned, and swung the book from right to left in front of him. All the dust that had gathered from the fighters crashing into buildings and the ground was blown away by a fearsome wind. Everything was clear now, allowing me to see where everyone was. "Wow, I didn't think that would work." He looked back at my book. "Jo, I really really REALLY like this world. Can we get a summer house here? Maybe one on the waterfront."

I smacked him on the back of his head. "Gimme my damn book!" His little scheme had surprised me, yes, but NOBODY takes my fucking book without permission! I surveyed the battlefield that was now visible to me. Hollow bodies littered the ground. "Where are they?" I asked no one in particular. Then I spotted one. Chad. He was face down on one of the lower buildings, and he didn't appear to be moving. "Ichigo!" I yelled out, ducking whenever a piece of Hollow mask flew at me. Another my relief he actually heard me this time and deflected the Cero coming toward me.

Ichiogo landed next to me. "What's wrong?" he asked, seeing the worry written on my face. I pointed down to Chad, who still wasn't moving. He nodded to me and, to my discomfort, threw me over his shoulder.

"Hey! I'm NOT a bag of rice!"

"Quit bitching for five seconds!" he yelled back. I shut up, but only for Chad's sake. We made it down to the building and Ichigo let me down. I quickly ran to Chad and placed a finger on his neck. Ichigo looked at me nervously waiting for an answer.

I sighed. "He's still alive, but it looks like Trevvor did a number on him." His wounds were pretty bad; the worst was on his back, spanning from his shoulder down to his waist. Most likely the result of Trevvor's zanpakuto. I felt kind of bad for making it a chainsaw-sword. "Chad," I called to him, tapping his cheek. One of his eyes opened. "Stay still. You've got a huge gash on your back. I'm going to bring the others over here and have Orihime heal you all in one shot." He nodded and I stood up, turning to Ichigo. "You think you can find the others? I'll track down Orihime and-"

SLAP! Right to the side of my head. "No," he yelled at me, "you're not leaving my sight. It's too risky for you to be wandering around by yourself all defenseless." I would've argued with him if I didn't agree. He was 100 percent right, after all. Swordless, running around with just a drawing book and mediocre taekwondo skills? What kind of defense could that provide against an army of weaponry? Sighing, I just rolled my eyes and nodded. He threw me over his shoulder AGAIN and we jumped down to the ground level.

It really looked like a battlefield. Destroyed cars, buildings with cracks in the walls, shattered glass everywhere, and even downed electrical lines. How the hell did nobody notice this? Before I could register everything going on Carrot Top started running. "Whoa!" I grabbed a handful of his hair and he shrieked. "Ow! The fuck are you doing? That's my hair!"

"And that's my stomach your shoulder's ramming into! Stop running!" He didn't, of course, until we made it to a blocked off intersection. A truck had been flipped on its side and was on fire. "Dammit. I guess we need to change course." Finally, the bastard set me down. And I didn't care what our current mission was; I kicked the son of a bitch in his knee. HARD. He hopped on his one good leg and held his knee, cursing to the sky.

"What's your problem? We're supposed to be saving some lives here!"

And then I heard some sadistic laughter. "Aww, poor baby. Did the snotty little girl hurt you again?" We turned in the direction of the voice. Komurii was twirling her zanpakuto between her fingers, staring straight at us with a menacing glare. "Well don't worry about that. She won't be a problem anymore." The blade stopped in her grasp. "I'm gonna tear your flat-chested heart out!" She lunged at us. When did she get so fast? I didn't make her that way! I quickly grabbed Ichigo's wrist and pulled him in front of me. I was pretty sure she'd kill us.

...But we managed to survive. I poked my head out from behind him and saw Rangiku guarding Komurii's attack. Komurii was bearing down, causing Rangiku to skid back. I didn't need her to say anything. I swiped Ichigo's zanpakuto from his hand and ran behind my arrancar, throwing it in her direction. Somehow – I have no idea how, my throws are terrible – the sword made direct impact on Komurii. I shielded my eyes, not wanting to see the blade easily slice through the skank's flesh. Now wasn't a time for me to be laughing like a little sadist. When I uncovered my eyes, Komurii was struggling to stand, blood dripping from her mouth and the wound I'd given her. Rangiku had fallen over, out of breath, having Ichigo support her weight. I heard more footsteps beginning to approach us, and they were gaining fast. "You're in for it now, girl," Komurii coughed, chuckling in a low tone. "You barely survived against me, but there's not a chance in hell you'd be able to defend yourself from Nikui. She's much more powerful than you created her to be. Your little book won't do shit against us, or Aizen." Behind her, the other three arrancar appeared, the evidence from their own battles barely visible. Then the lavender scent hit me. Nikui joined them, keeping the same smile on her face from when we last saw each other.

"Don't listen to Komurii, my dear," she started, walking closer to the skank arrancar. I immediately backed away from them, moving closer to Ichigo. I hoped our backup would be here soon. "I wouldn't let her touch a hair on your head. Lord Aizen wouldn't allow it. You're too valuable." She wrapped her free hand around the hilt of Ichigo's zanpakuto, and with one swipe, ripped it out from Komurii's body. A few blood drops stained the bottom of her dress. She tossed the sword in my direction and it hit the floor, sliding to me. I glanced next to me, and saw the shinigami quickly approaching us. Rukia was being supported by Orihime. Renji and Ricky held up Chad and guided him closer. Ikkaku had one arm around Yumichika's neck. Toshiro walked alongside Kisuke, whose entire right arm had gone limp. "It seems we have company." Nikui curtsied to them and summoned her zanpakuto again. "I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but I still have an objective to meet. Jo must still come with me to Hueco Mundo, and I intend to make sure that happens."

The shinigami came closer to me, as did the arrancar. Komurii was on her feet again, holding her wound and spitting blood near my feet. I thought I heard her mutter 'bitch' when she did. My eyes moved between the arrancar, Nikui and my comrades. Thoughts raced through my head. Would I have to be the one to protect them from the danger I created? How would I do that without any support? There had to be some way...

I suddenly felt a cold shiver hit my throat. The air around me became frigid. Slowly, my eyes looked downward, spotting a blade turned up toward me. The sharp edge laid against my neck. I followed the length of the blade, finding the arm that held it up. Toshiro had me in his grasp, with his zanpakuto inches from the most vulnerable parts of my flesh. "Take one more step," he started, "and she'll be leaking more than reiatsu."

"Captain, wait!" I heard Rangiku yell. "You're taking it too far. We're supposed to keep her alive!" Toshiro didn't reply.

Nikui brought her hand to her mouth and giggled. "Why, Captain Hitsugaya! I had no idea you would go to such great lengths to upset Lord Aizen." She quickly glanced past us, to where I heard Rangiku protest. "But your lieutenant is right. We both need the girl alive. Killing her wouldn't do either side good. I know you would never go through with it."

She took a step forward. The second her dress moved, I felt his grasp around my body tighten. He forced Hyorinmaru up against my skin, the blade meeting my jawline. The steel cut into me and I winced, fighting to hold back a howl of pain. It was nothing compared to the cut Kisuke slashed across my hand to prove the reality of my situation. Toshiro, one of the people I believe was going to help me, intended to kill me. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes. How deep did he intend to go before proving his point?

Blood trickled down my neck, staining my shirt. Nikui's eyes widened, bringing her to a halt. Her smile vanished. The grip on her zanpakuto tightened further, turning her knuckles white. "Open the Garganta," she ordered. The arrancar gave her confused glances. "Do it!" she demanded again, the volume slightly raising in her voice. Citlaali raised her hand to the empty air and made a slicing motion, tearing a hole in space. She and her fellow arrancar entered the dark void. Nikui followed slowly. "This won't be our final meeting, shinigami. Lord Aizen _will_ get what is rightfully his, and I'll make sure of that." The Garganta slowly closed as she spoke, soon pulling them off into oblivion. Her eyes never left me.


	29. Yukio is Obnoxious

**Tim**

"Look kid, for the 846th time, I've already told you everything!" I said with an annoyed sigh as I recounted what little I was aware of to this kid that I assumed lived here – who still hadn't actually looked at me because he was so wrapped up in his game. Part of me wondered what game he was playing. What if it was a fighting game? I could beat his ass. That would make him listen. Or cry. I'm leaning more towards cry. And I shall savor his tears. But I'm getting off track here.

"Yeah, my name's Yukio, not-"

"Fuck what your name is!" The whole third-degree wasn't helping the megaton-sized headache that I tried to escape from before I blacked out. "Tell me where I can find Jo!"

Yukio shrugged. "Oh, I definitely want to help you. I make a habit out of helping rude people who appear unconscious in my bathroom. It makes my life so fulfilling and wonderful."

Great, no leads. Looks like I'm on my own. I adjusted my headphones before I headed towards the door. "You little dustpan of shit...Fine, I'll find her myself!" I managed to just touch the doorknob before I found myself flying backwards into the wall of glass bottles on the far side of the room. "Oww...My everything..." I could feel the glass shards digging into my back as I landed. Can't I enter and exit a room anywhere without getting hit in the chest? This is starting to get out of hand.

The dark-skinned woman who entered the apartment peeked over the bar with an annoyed look. "Hey...Now what am I going to drink?"

"How about a nice tall glass of I-don't-give-a-fuck!?" I groaned as I tried to get my feet under me. "It's really thirst quenching!"

"Well, you're pissy, aren't you?" She laughed, ripping a large piece of glass out of my shoulder. "Someone should teach you some manners. That was my liquor you destroyed."

"Oh, so you expect me to apologize to you? Okay. I'm sorry you hit me with the fucking door." I growled as I climbed over the bar. "Fuck this. I'm out."

"Hang on a second." Her voice called out behind me. "What about-"

"FUCK. THIS. I'M. OUT." I repeated, flipping off everything in the room as I stormed towards the door again. I made sure to sidestep a little more than necessary as I opened it to leave.

The outside air made my cuts sting a little, but the pain quickly passed. A little too quickly, actually, but I wasn't going to complain about feeling better. Still, there were a few large pieces still sticking out of my shoulder that I didn't want to mess with. I didn't want to go out like that lady from 1000 Ways To Die that bled out after she pulled a piece of mirror out of a major artery. "So...Now what?" I hadn't considered that I STILL didn't have a single clue as to where Jo might be, if she was even here at all. Maybe years of skull-rattling music finally pounded my brain into a fine paste and I was in some kind of coma dream world. Then again, if this were a dream world of mine, Jo would be here, so I had to find her anyway.

It wasn't going to do me any good just standing here confused, so I started walking in no direction in particular. Even though I didn't really have an idea where I was, everything looked kind of familiar. It wasn't anywhere I'd ever been, but the town looked like something I'd seen a million times before somewhere. I didn't know where I was, but I didn't really feel lost. I walked around for what seemed like an hour before I reached a river that seemed to be running through the middle of town. I walked along the bank for a little while before my stomach interrupted my thoughts by wailing against my body cavity. "Fuck...Should've raided that fridge before I left." It's not like I could go back there and steal all of their Hot Pockets and Pop Tarts now, so I turned up the volume on my music to drown out the body bitches before finding a suitable sitting place along the bank of the river. I looked at my reflection in the water. Still couldn't get over how differently I looked. It was like I was a different person. I wondered what Jo looked like here. I remember that I got a glimpse of what I thought was her on-screen before all of this, but I didn't remember much of it. Besides, pictures never do people justice. What if she was even more hot than she was before? I don't think I'd be able to handle it. I'd end up lifting her over my shoulder, carrying her into a dark room, and- ...Wait, this is a rated T story, right? Guess I'll have to keep it in my pants...For now.

A strange black cat strode up to me before jumping up and headbutting me in the nose to break my train of thought. "Really? That was how you get my attention?" I said, holding my nose as the cat meowed at me playfully before rubbing up against my knee. "Look, I don't think we can really be friends. I mean, you're a cat, and while that's fine, you regrettably aren't a husky, and I'm not about to open my heart up and be hurt again." I nudged it away, only to have the cat jump on my shoulder. "Okay, you're easily the ballsiest cat I've ever met. Respect." It sat there, cuddling with me for a minute before out of nowhere, it yowled and leapt off, but not before etching the remaining glass deeper into my shoulder.

"Agh! What the fuck!" I yelled, holding my now bleeding shoulder. "I thought we were friends or something!" I dug a large piece out of my flesh, using the river water to clean the open wound.

"Weird fucking cat..." I mumbled, holding up the shiny shard to the light. Still stained with my blood, it was barely transparent, acting more like some kind of weird mirror. As I held it up, I noticed some movement behind me. "What, looking for more blood, cat? Look, I've bled enough today, okay-"

I stopped short as I turned around. Warm breath blew into my face, accompanied by a deep, otherworldly growl. The white mask remained twisted into something that looked like some kind of grotesque shark thing as it bared its impossibly sharp teeth.

"Oh man...You're not Tia at all..." I said, paralyzed by a mix of shock and fear. The beast roared, making thick saliva fly all over me, including my freshly lacerated shoulder. The liquid seeped into it, burning more painfully than anything I've ever experienced. It was like getting pissed on by a lemon cactus while swimming in a sea of salt. To put it short, it sucked.

The creature raised one of its buzzsaw like hands, and my subconscious mind kicked my body in the ass at the last minute as I rolled between its legs as just as it brought its hand down like a guillotine. It turned around with surprising speed, rearing up for another attack. I backed away, trying to give myself room to come up with a game plan before I felt the metal guard-rail pressing into my back.

Shit. Time's up.

The creature lunged at me, and I closed my eyes. I just hoped it'd make it quick.

I felt a rush of high-pressure air, then nothing. Maybe it decapitated me so fast, I hadn't felt anything. It's not completely impossible, especially considering the size of that thing. But I didn't feel like I was dead, or even hurt. I peeked open one of my eyes to see what had happened.

"Okay, it's official: I'm dead. Dead and gone. Dead to this world, bury me now."

At first, there was smoke obstructing my view. But it slowly cleared, first revealing the huge creatures' mask falling away as it fell backwards, and then the source of the attack. It had been a flash of brown and purple at first sight, moving almost too fast to see. It spun like a tornado before smashing into its' face with the force of a truck full of explosives and sledgehammers. Time stood still as the mask shattered, and then I saw it: A bare leg, more toned and muscular than anything I've seen before, yet still clearly retaining all of its apparently feminine curves. My eyes followed it up to its body and I immediately knew I shouldn't have looked. Ample hips led up into an hourglass figure accentuated by back muscles harder than steel and tighter than an 808 snare drum. Even from behind, it was impossible to ignore her full bust, which were perfect even in motion. And then it all made sense. There was only one (Two? Maybe...) person in any universe with a body that bananas.

"...Oh...Well...Gahzamm" I felt my mind quitting on me by the second. Bright yellow eyes caught mine, and spots rapidly took over my field of vision. White exploded into black.

* * *

"...-ello? Are you hurt?"

Muffled sounds soon became clear voices. "Fuck you alarm clock! There's no school today!" I bolted up out of my sleeping place, still half asleep and counting. I rubbed my eyes, trying to get the crap out of my lashes before it stung my eyes.

"Well...Okay. Do you know where you are now?" The same voice that woke me up spoke again.

"I, uh...Um...No?" I half-questioned, still dealing with the cobwebs in my head before I felt a massive jolt in my shoulder.

"He shouldn't move around at all. If he makes the poison spread any faster, he might reach full envenomation before I can save him." Another voice chimed in, this one definitely belonging to a male.

"Take it easy. You're severely wounded." The first voice suggested, obviously concerned.

I felt myself falling back into darkness, like I usually do when I just wake up. "Hey, hey." I felt a hand lightly slapping my cheek. "Stay with us."

I snapped back to reality almost immediately. The first thing I saw were the yellow eyes that met mine before I blacked out. "Y-You..." The memory of the ordeal flooded back. "You saved me from that thing before? Wait..." The image of her flawless body in mid-kick flashed through my mind right before everything went black. "You were naked before."

The dark-skinned woman smirked. "Yes. What of it? Did you see something that you liked?"

I facepalmed. "That's not fair. Why you do this, life!?" Of course. It's just my luck that I'd pass out and miss it. I started to complain more, but another wave of pain starting from my shoulder and echoing throughout my entire body. The pain was getting worse by the minute.

The big guy with the apron rolled up my sleeve to check my wound. It looked worse that I thought. The lacerations from the glass started to blacken, and it still bled like it was fresh. "The hollow's poison is corrupting your natural reiatsu." He bandaged the wound. "If something isn't done..." He trailed off, his face grim.

"What poison? That thing didn't even touch me!" I rolled my sleeve back down. "Wait a minute...I know who you are." I squinted as I examined him. "You're Tessai, right?" He replied with a simple nod. "That means I'm in Kisuke Urahara's shop then." I turned to the woman. "That means...You're Yoruichi!" Even in my injured state, I managed to fanboy. Yep. I'm a trooper.

"Yes, but let's save the introductions for when your life isn't in danger." Yoruichi eased me back down, being careful with my shoulder. "Although it's strange that you know so much. We're going to have to talk about the source of that intelligence." She eyed me curiously.

I explained the whole crazy ride (again) to her, being sure not to leave anything out. "Look, I don't know how I got here either. I'm just as confused as you are." I sighed heavily, exasperated from the explanation and the constant burn that seared through my shoulder.

Yoruichi nodded, as if she was thinking of something. "Yes. Sounds about right."

"Wait, what?" I was a little surprised that she took the news so easily. Everyone else had been giving me the third-degree, so it was kind of shocking to have someone actually accept what I was saying.

"If that's the case, then..." She jumped up to her feet suddenly. "We've got to go. Do you think you can walk?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Even if I could, do you really think I could keep up the Flash Goddess?"

"Point taken." She lifted me onto her shoulders embarrassingly easily. "Hold on tight."

"Not a problem." I clutched onto her shoulders with my good arm as tightly as I could. If I wasn't dying, I'd think I was dead already. I mean, Yoruichi Shihoin was carrying me. I think it'd be perfectly okay to die right here. Then again, Jo would be pissed.

The town passed by in a blur as she ran at what I could only assume was top speed. "What are we looking for?" I asked, noticing the increasingly fucked-up state of the buildings we passed.

"Dammit Kisuke, where are you?" Yoruichi cursed to herself, apparently trying to zero in on his spiritual pressure. She leapt from the building rooftop, landing on top of an overturned truck in what seemed to be the epicenter of the destruction. The scent of blood in the air was thick, accompanied with the faintest hint of lavender. The smell gave me a headache.

"Why'd we stop?" I asked, scanning the wreckage for a clue before I spotted a small group of people not too far from us. I recognized a few of them on sight, but kept that to myself. I didn't need anyone else looking at me funny right now. Then my eyes caught hers.

"...Jo?..."

I smiled for a second, then my head started swimming again. Another wave of hell crashed through my body, and my knees buckled. "Ah...Shit..."


	30. Unohana is Nuturing

**Jo**

As soon as the Garganta resealed itself and vanished, I grabbed Toshiro's arm and moved his zanpakuto away from my skin. I spun around and sent my fist into his nose, throwing him off balance, and to my relief, further away from me. "What the hell's your problem?" I yelled, immediately putting pressure on my neck. "You could've killed me! Is that what you want, Turdshiro? Do you want me DEAD?" Before I could utter out another rant, sharp stinging under my jaw stopped me from speaking. I clutched my neck and crouched to a knee. "Ow! Dammit..." Orihime rushed over to me and reached a hand toward the wound. "No, I'm fine," I told her. "It's not that bad. Chad's the one who needs attention." My eyes landed on him as I mentioned his name, and I quickly looked away. He was the worst out of everyone. His back laceration was still awful looking, and Renji's hands were covered in blood from applying pressure. Ricky was shirtless. I couldn't figure out why, but then I saw his blood-soaked shirt tied around Chad's body. Ikkaku was in pretty bad shape, and even though I knew he could handle himself, it was still painful to see the tears in his skin. Rukia and Rangiku were pretty okay, and Kisuke showed the least signs of physical injury apart from his limp arm. Toshiro...or Turdshiro, as he should rightfully be called, was holding his nose in his hand. I didn't see any blood from Ricky, Yumichika or Ichigo.

"This isn't what I wanted," I sniveled. "Why did it have to turn out like this?" I dropped my bag onto the floor and opened it, pulling out the reality warping book. How did it all become this way? I'd thought being sent into the universe of one of my favorite series would be an awesome trip: visit my favorite characters, find the hidden easter eggs, introduce my characters, the good stuff. I never wanted the streets of Karakura to be painted with anyone's blood. Everything I'd hoped would happen went horribly wrong, and I couldn't escape. Looking at the floor, I sighed. "Fine, Kubo. You win. As soon as I find Tim, I'll leave this place." My grip on the book tightened. "But I have to heal my friends up first." I shook the sulking off my face and marched over to Chad, sat down next to him, and removed the shirt. "Okay, Chad. I have no idea whether this is going to hurt or not. So just bear with me, alright?" I opened the book to the first fresh page and did what I do best: I drew Chad's injured form, then erased the lesion stretching across his back. His fists constricted and he winced. We all watched as the flesh sewed itself together, one stitch at a time, layer after layer, until it was gone.

"Whoa," we heard Renji say. "Even though I've seen you do that over and over again, I still can't believe that's possible." Ricky and I both gave him a weird look. He couldn't believe _my_ powers? He's the one that's dead.

Orihime came up to Ikkaku and started healing him. He protested, but the look Rangiku gave him silenced the cue ball. She and I jumped from one person to the next and everyone was quickly healed up. Kisuke was last. "I've got him," I said to Orihime. "You go ahead and rest."

"You sure?" Ichigo asked. "You're looking a little...pale." Pale? I know I'm a Whitarican, but come on! I've got color!

My weird look flew to him. "I may not be the tannest person on the planet, but I'm not a ghost-" It took me a second to realize what I'd just said. Ichigo must've understood, too, because he let out a heavy sigh and held his face in his hand. But I could see between his fingers. He was making THE face. Ichigo WTF face counter: 24. "All jokes aside, I feel fine. Now the sooner I patch up Kisuke, the sooner we can get out of he-"

Out of nowhere, we heard a voice echoing from behind one of the badly damaged buildings. "Dammit, Kisuke, where are you?" the female pitched called, growing louder and possibly getting closer. Something flew in our direction from the blocked off street, landing with great force on top of the overturned truck. Squinting, I saw Yoruichi in her classic orange sweater, with something wrapped around her neck.

Another voice spoke, one that sounded more familiar. "Why'd we stop?" it asked. My head tilted. Were those...hands? They uncurled and released Yoruichi. Who did she carry over here, and why?

"Yoruichi," Kisuke said with a smile. He certainly knew how to go from serious to cheerful in three seconds flat. "Glad to see you, though it's a bit late. What brings you here?"

She returned the smile, quickly grabbing the hands and pulling them over her shoulders again. She jumped down and let them go again once flat on the ground. "Just making a delivery, although..." Her voice trailed off and her grin faded. "I see Aizen's subordinates were here. How'd you all manage?"

Kisuke shrugged with his good arm. "A little scratch here, a little paralysis there, but we're good. So who's this?" He looked over her to the person behind her.

"Oh, him?" She moved out of the way and placed a hand onto the person's shoulder. "That's actually why I brought him over here. He told me this wild story that's very similar to _another_ recent newcomer." Her chin motioned toward me and she raised her eyebrows, almost as if she were referring to me. I wasn't too sure if she was or not. My focus shifted to the person she'd brought over, and my eyes widened. Those glasses, those eyes, that face... I knew him.

He looked at me, and his reaction was exactly the same. "...Jo...?" His voice...

"Tim..." My hands dropped and all my things fell out of my grasp. His body had changed, but it was still him. He smiled at me, and I couldn't help smiling back. Kisuke and Yoruichi had moved out of the way, and the others had fallen silent and watched us. Or maybe my mind was phasing everyone else out. All I really knew was the person standing only feet away from me was my boyfriend, the guy I was madly in love with. And I know that sounded sappy, but I didn't care. Tears started clouding my vision. I had to wipe my face on my wrist to keep myself from crying. I took a step toward him, then another, and another, until I found myself walking to him. This was, at that moment, the mushiest, gooiest, most sugar-coated gallop through a field of flowers I'd ever taken in my life. The gap between us was getting smaller. I was almost in his arms again.

He suddenly winced and gripped his shoulder. His knees buckled and he stumbled. "Shit..." In seconds, Tim was on the floor, limp.

"Tim!" I ran over to him, moving halfway by sliding on my knees when I tripped, and scraped them. I ignored the stinging on my legs when I reached him. "Tim!" What happened to him? I looked over his body for any signs of trauma and found a large, nasty wound on his shoulder. It had been sliced open, and black and green ooze mixed with the blood that still poured out. I tore off my sleeve and shifted to place it over the wound, only to have Yoruichi violently slap my hand away.

"Don't touch it!" she yelled. "He's been poisoned by a Hollow. If you touch the wound, you'll be infected, too." I was about to voice how I didn't have any injuries, but then the stinging under my chin returned, accompanied by that on my knees and now ripped jeans. "The best way you can help is to keep yourself safe. He's highly toxic right now. We've got to get him to Soul Society." Those were words I didn't want to hear. She was right, we all knew that, but I didn't want Mayuri getting anywhere near him.

I looked at each of them. Orihime was almost as heartbroken as me. She nodded. One by one, they all did: Yumichika, Rangiku, Renji, poor injured Chad, Ikkaku, Rukia. Ichigo's eyes met mine. I knew he could read my mind. He nodded. Ricky walked over to us, and I already knew he wanted to go. Then I saw Toshiro. His arms were crossed, his mouth contorted into a frown. "You already know you have to go," he commented. And for once, his voice didn't sound arrogant. "It's the only way to fix everything."

Kisuke knelt next to me, laying a hand on my back. I jumped when I realized it was the hand that Nikui paralyzed. "The three of you will be safe there," he started. "He'll get the best treatment possible from Squad 4. I'm sure you know that already."

"What about you?" I asked. "You're banned from entering Soul Society. You can't come with us."

He flashed me a reassuring smile as his hand moved to my shoulder. "Have you forgotten about the others?" Kisuke's thumb pointed behind us to everyone else. "They're strong enough to protect you and your friends. In the meantime, I still need to figure out how to get the three of you back to where you belong." I'd nearly forgotten about that. "Just listen to them. We're all doing this to help you."

I knew he was right. Kisuke was always right. It was one of the golden rules of Bleach. I sighed. "...Alright. Let's go." I pushed up onto my feet, and felt pain take over my legs again. "Oww..." Before I could react, I saw Toshiro grab my arm and pull it around his neck. He slowly hauled me to a standing position.

"You don't have to say anything. Just do as we ask, and maybe...we can get along."

Was he actually attempting to enforce a truce? I couldn't believe it. The little icicle's heart was warming up a little. Just as he'd said, I didn't have to answer. "Rangiku." With his one word, she ran in front of us and opened the Senkaimon. Doors formed from thin air and opened, and we started toward it. As we walked, I looked back at the scene. Jinta and Ururu had arrived, and were commencing a cleaning operation on the city. My eyes landed on Tim. He was still on the ground, shouting in his unconscious state, his teeth clenched and distorted in extreme pain. Yoruichi knelt and carefully lifted him up. Seeing him in her hands put my mind at rest for the moment, and I looked ahead again.

* * *

The first minute we entered the Squad 4 barracks, the three of us were separated. Ricky was led into the first room by the largest members of the fourth division. A gurney was brought into the hallway and Yoruichi laid Tim on it. Nurses crowded around and whisked him away. I tried to follow after them, even going as far as fighting against Toshiro supporting me, but my body wouldn't listen. I suddenly felt extremely worn out and struggled to keep my own weight up. Ichigo came next to me and helped Toshiro escort me to the nearest available examination room, even going as far as lifting me up and setting me on the bed. Rukia came in briefly to hand me my belongings. "Thanks," I said to her in a weaker voice than usual.

"You're even paler than before," Ichigo told me, pushing some hair out of my face. We heard footsteps and looked toward the doorway. A tall woman entered and approached me.

"Isane Kotetsu..."

Isane's eyebrows immediately flew up. "Yeah..." She was confused, obviously by how I knew her identity. Her face returned to normal and she continued. "Lieutenant Abarai informed us of everything. Your friends are undergoing immediate treatment." She must've dropped some kind of hint, because Ichigo and Toshiro stood up and headed for the door.

Ichigo was closer. "Don't leave me alone," I whimpered, grabbing his hand. He and Isane exchanged glances before he freed his hand.

"I'll be right back, I promise." He walked out and closed the door behind him.

I huffed, slumping into the pillow. "It's only for a few minutes," Isane spoke, redirecting my attention. "Besides, we can't have him in here when you're not clothed." I almost choked on my saliva. No clothes? It hit me. She had to check my body for injuries, and she could only do that if I stripped to the bare essentials. "No need to blush. Nobody's looking." I was blushing? Great.

Without further distractions, I took off my clothes. They were in worse shape than I thought. I'd only known about my torn sleeve, but it turned out my shirt and jeans had rips and dirt and blood on every inch of the fabric. They would definitely need to be soaked in liquid bleach..._if_ that would even work. She had to draw a vial of blood, which, unfortunately for me, meant having a needle shoved into my arm. At least it wasn't that insane bastard Mayuri doing it.

She checked me from head to toe. Just like my clothes, I was in a poorer state than I looked. The laceration under my jaw was deeper than first perceived. I needed stitches – which hurt worse than Tessai's healing kido. Luckily, my knees only needed to be cleaned up and wrapped in bandage. My hands were completely covered in small cuts, which I hadn't noticed at all. Overall, though, the majority of my wounds were minor. "You're all patched up," Isane said as she tied the last of my bandages. "Just use tonight to rest."

"Tim..." My throat hurt, probably from the stitches, although Isane had numbed the surrounding area. I pressed my hands into the mattress and pushed my body up. It really hurt to move. She eased me back down and pulled a blanket over me.

"You really need to rest. The fight in the World of the Living took a huge toll on your body. You burned up almost all of your reiatsu. Any more and you might not have survived." My eyes widened for a brief moment. "The best thing you can do is stay in bed, regain your strength." Isane got up from her chair and opened the door. Ichigo walked back in and she left us alone.

"Hey." It was painful to talk. "How are the others doing?"

Ichigo crossed his arms. "We're all okay. Unohana is looking over your friend with the headphones. The one with the beard didn't have a scratch on him. Everyone else is being double-checked for any missed injuries. You took care of the major ones already, so we'll be out of here in a few hours." He stared at the floor. "You probably knew this, but you'll have to stay overnight for observation. They want to keep an eye on you in case something goes wrong."

"I thought as much." My eyelids were getting heavy.

"Unohana wants to..." He paused. "...She wants to perform a test on your poisoned friend. She and Captain Kurotsuchi suspect something bad is happening to him. They think..." His words were fading as quickly as my vision. Fuzz took over, forming a frame that rapidly closed in. Everything was sucked into shadows.

* * *

I sucked in air and opened my eyes, seeing a darkened room. The heaviness I'd felt in my body before had mostly lifted. The majority of my energy had returned. How long was I asleep? I slowly sat up and looked around. Ichigo was in the chair next to my bed. He'd fallen asleep, his head slumping and drool dripping from the corner of his mouth. I really wanted to laugh, but both the stitches and not wanting to wake him stopped me. Judging by the silence flowing through the room and hallway, I assumed most of the staff had retired for the night. Quietly, I pushed the covers off and planted one foot at a time on the floor. A shiver crawled up my spine; the floor was freezing. In fact, the entire room was freezing. Why was it so fucking cold in here? I found my answer when I glanced down and saw only my bra and underwear covering me. Cursing in my head, I spotted a robe and socks and put them on, no longer feeling cold. I continued toward the door and pulled it open. It creaked, and sleeping Carrot Top jumped once, but remained in a state of slumber. Checking him one last time, I closed the door.

The hallway was surprisingly empty. That was a relief for me. It made moving undetected easy, but didn't help with finding Tim's room. I had to check behind every door, and each one left me more disappointed. Where was he?

"Are you looking for your friend?" a voice behind me suddenly said, scaring the shit out of me. Slowly, I turned around, and saw Captain Unohana staring back at me. She had her usual smile across her face – you know, the sweet, yet creepy one that made you do EXACTLY as she said? Yeah, that one. "I'm surprised you're already able to move," she continued. "Although I think you should get more sleep."

Uh oh, she was doing it. "Captain Unohana..." How was I going to talk my way out of this one? "I know I should rest more, but I can't. Not until I see my-" Should I tell her how Tim made me feel like a blushing goofy idiot whenever I thought of him?

"He's special to you, isn't he?" I stared at her, surprised. She'd somehow read my mind. "I have my ways of knowing." She turned around. "I've had patients like you and him before, and I've found that healing is faster and more successful when they're together." Unohana motioned her hand for me to follow her and turned around the corner. Was she taking me to him? We walked down three other hallways before stopping in front of an unmarked door. "You need each other." She pushed the door open and I walked into the room. To my surprise, she left me alone.

Monitors surrounded his bed, machines were hooked up to him, and his eyes were still closed. Tim was in terrible shape. Thick gauze had been wrapped around his wounded shoulder. Several needles had been stuck into his arms. A breathing mask was covering his nose and mouth. I pulled the sole chair in the room next to him. I did this to him. This was my fault. If I hadn't drawn him into this world, he wouldn't be poisoned. He wouldn't have to battle a potential death... "I'm sorry," I whispered. What kind of a girlfriend was I? "I'm sorry." Now he had to suffer the consequences because of me. "I'm so sorry." Water obscured my vision, and I bit my bottom lip. "I'm sorry..."

I heard moaning. I stopped my sobbing and looked down at him. His face was twitching. "...Jo..." his voice cracked. He was waking up. Tim's eyes opened and he stared right at me. "...Hey..."

"Hey..." I replied. I didn't know what else to say. He was awake, but still very weak and badly hurt. All my fault. I didn't notice his hand reaching toward me until it was on my cheek, rubbing away an escaped tear.

"Don't cry... I'll be fine." He removed the breathing mask from his face and gradually pulled himself up to a seated position. "See?" He flashed me a reassuring smile.

I couldn't help smiling back. "I know," I told him. "But why don't you get some sleep? I'm sure whatever adventure you went through to get here was tiring."

He laid back down. I watched him as he fell to sleep. My eyes wandered from him to the room's only window. This had been the longest day ever, and it felt like the longest night.

* * *

**Ichigo**

"Fuck! Where is she?" I screamed. I'd woken up in Jo's hospital room, only to see an empty bed and missing slippers! "Dammit!" Now I was frantically looking around for her, asking everyone I passed if they'd seen her. Nobody had. What if she'd wandered out of the barracks to run around Seireitei? In her condition-

I stopped in my tracks when I spotted Unohana. "Captain!" I yelled to her. She turned my way and I panted. Running all over the place had left me winded. "Jo...I can't... She wasn't..."

"Oh," she interrputed, "are you asking about the curly haired girl?" I nodded, and a smile formed on her face. What was with her? Without saying a word, she guided me to an unmarked room.

I didn't wait for an invitation to go in. I swung the door open and stormed inside. "Jo!" My voice had started in a yell, but I was left lost for words. In front of me was probably the most adorable – and blackmail worthy – sight I'd ever seen. If Orihime were here, she would've burst into tears.

Jo had somehow found her friend's room overnight. He seemed to be doing better, and she'd fallen asleep in the chair next to him. Their hands were wrapped around one another's, and had probably been that way all night. I shook my head. I knew she was a softie.


	31. Kuzeni is Motherly

I didn't realize how tired I was until Tim had fallen asleep. It was difficult to stay awake again. But I didn't care this time; it was late, and everyone was doing better. I didn't remember passing out in Tim's room until someone rudely woke me up the next morning. Ichigo's voice wasn't loud, but he didn't know how to choose his words correctly. "...ick, take a picture before they wake up."

"Remind me why you want a photo of your now ex-girlfriend with another guy." Was that Renji?

"One: she's NOT my ex-girlfriend. She was never even my girlfriend. Two: because this little bitch has it coming. I'm just saving this for blackmail."

Blackmail? That opened my eyes. And I guess they weren't expecting it, because both shinigami jumped, Renji quickly hiding his hands behind his back. I don't think I've ever seen Ichigo so scared in my life. It wasn't quite a WTF face, though. "Morning," I said to them, squinting as I observed their actions. Ichigo's expression quickly turned cool and calm, but when I looked at Renji, he was sweating and shaking nervously. His arms trembled behind his back and he stumbled a bit as he tried to back away from me, almost like he'd nearly dropped something. "Okay, where's the camera?"

I think Carrot Top's face twitched a bit. "Uhh...what?"

"I heard you in my sleep. Where's the camera?" I looked over to Tim, who was still passed out, and lowered my voice to a whisper. "You were going to blackmail us!"

"Blackmail YOU!" he replied, poking his finger into my shoulder. "I just thought it'd be a good way to put you in your place. You've been nothing but trouble for me! Maybe you'd give me some peace and quiet if I flashed an embarrassing picture in your face." He sighed and pulled the camera from Renji's grasp. "But since you woke up before I could-"

"Give me that!" I almost yelled, grabbing the camera out of his hand. I flipped through the memory and searched for any photos he could use against me; lucky for him, there were none. "Looks like your ass is safe...for now." I tossed it back to him and stood up to stretch. All of the pain I'd gotten from yesterday's battle was gone. It was amazing; I felt better than I had in a while. What kind of wonderful witchcraft had Isane performed on me?

A knock on the door distracted us. It swung open, and both Isane and Unohana walked in. "Everyone's so lively this morning," Unohana said to us as she made her way closer to Tim and I. "I see you've made a complete recovery, Miss Weizu. Ho are you feeling?"

I had to think for a second. "...Hungry," I replied. "Very hungry. Although I'm sure that's normal since I expended so much reiatsu, right?" She nodded, and looked surprised that I already knew why. "I'll explain it all to you sometime. But right now, I need food." I took a step forward, then stopped, and glanced behind me to Tim again. "...Wait. I can't leave. Not until he's up again."

"Jo," Ichigo started, "come on. Don't be ridiculo-"

"I said I'm staying!" I yelled, bringing Renji and Isane to flinch backwards, and I sat down again, my head slumping. "I have to make sure he's okay. It's my fault he's like this. I don't want him to suffer anymore because of me. Just...just bring my food and belongings here...please." I glanced upward. My hair blocked most of my view, but I caught a glimpse of their faces through a few strands. Isane seemed to get the message right away, and Renji and Unohana a few seconds later. But Ichigo just stood there, not moving at all, not even his eyes. He took a step toward me and reached out his hand. "Don't," I told him. "Please, just leave me alone right now." I felt a headache coming on, and I pulled my legs close to my chest. At this point, I wasn't feeling hungry anymore. Finally, Ichigo got the point and turned toward the door. He made his way out, but stopped suddenly in the doorway.

"I'll be right outside if you need me."

I didn't answer, and he left.

* * *

**Ichigo**

I opened the door again to check on her. She was still in the same position as this morning: slumped over, hair blocking her face, her knees pulled to her chest. Every now and then I'd hear her whimpering, but now she was dead silent. She'd been like that all day. The food Isane had brought for her was still sitting there on the table, and it was probably cold now. Guilt was beginning to settle in; I felt bad about trying to blackmail her. I'd never seen Jo this depressed before, not even when she realized everything happening to her was real. She lifted her head and stared at the guy laying next to her. Her eyes were red and puffy, like she'd been crying for hours _'She must really care for him.'_ She may have been a total goof, but right now, I knew Jo was nowhere near happy.

I glanced next to me and saw Unohana and Isane approaching. "How are they?" Isane asked.

"Unchanged," I replied. "Neither one of them has moved. It's almost like a separate world in there." I scratched my head, unsure of what to do about the situation.

"Don't worry so much," Unohana said to us. "She'll be fine." She turned to enter the room and I shifted out of the way to let her and Isane pass, and I noticed the guy with the beard following them inside. _'What did she call him again? Ricky?'_ As I stepped forward to join them, I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned my head and saw two people behind me waiting to enter the room. The person in front, a woman, had blond hair pulled into a ponytail and brown eyes, and her face was covered in freckles. The guy behind her looked like a typical college kid from my town, with gray eyes and a bedhead of dirty blond hair. They were both wearing shinigami uniforms, the guy carrying a large container, but I'd never seen them in Seireitei before.

From the looks on their faces, they seemed to know who I was. "How are they?" the guy asked me. "Is Jo talking yet?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"I see she hasn't eaten the meal I prepared for her," the woman commented. "He'll be mad if she doesn't eat anything." Her eyes returned to me. "I'm sorry. You have no idea who were are, do you?"

I shook my head. "No. I'm not even sure how you know me or Jo." She and the guy exchanged looks for a minute before turning their attention back to me. "What am I missing here?"

They almost seemed nervous. "How do we put this lightly?" the guy started. "I'm Hitori Gekidou, and she's Kuzeni Harato... We're Jo's creations. We were born out of her imagination and the love she has for 'this universe', as she would call it. You probably heard about the others that were created, but we were the first ones. She only created the others to feel a sense of balance within herself. She never meant to bring harm upon everyone."

I raised an eyebrow at them, unsure if I should believe them. Then the woman spoke. "I know it sounds very strange, but that's how her mind works. It's a complex place." She flashed me a small smile. "If there's anyone you can trust, it's me. I'm a mother. You've probably even met my son in your class." She moved her hand from my shoulder. "Now if you'll excuse us, we have to check on our creator." The woman, or Kuzeni, as Jo named her, and her companion entered the room. The guy, Hitori, set the container he'd been carrying onto the table and removed the lid. Laying on the tray was probably the most exquisitely prepared meal I'd seen in a long time. The smell was great, just like home cooking. Kuzeni left the food and knelt next to Jo, who met her gaze. She wiped her face with a tissue and pushed some hair from her face. Her actions reminded me of when I was a kid, when my own mother would comfort me after a bad day.

* * *

**Jo**

When Unohana came into the room, I looked up and watched as she and Isane checked on the monitors surrounding Tim's bed. He was still asleep. He hadn't woken up since our conversation last night. "How are we doing this evening?" Unohana asked me.

"Fine," I replied with no life in my voice. But I didn't really know how I was. My body felt numb, either from sitting in the same position for the entire day, or the whole situation, or maybe both. It wasn't like I cared. Only one thing was on my mind, and it felt like any progress on making it better was frozen in time. Perhaps it was time passage here in Seireitei messing with my head; it did go much slower than the world of the living. Then again, it could've been my mind screwing with me again.

I rested my head on my knees again, watching Isane double check all the monitors and charts. She handed a clipboard to Unohana and whispered something to her, shooting a quick glance at me. Unohana nodded and approached me. Her eyes looked to the doorway and her eyebrows rose in surprise. "Ah, Kuzeni. Perfect timing." My head perked up at the name of my first creation. I followed her gaze to the doorway and saw Kuzeni and Hitori coming in. Hitori set some kind of container on the tabletop, next to the food that had been sitting there for who knows how long.

"Kuzeni..." My eyes darted from her to Hitori, to Ricky, Unohana, and even to Ichigo, who was poking his head through the doorway. Kuzeni knelt next to me and pulled a tissue out from her robe sleeve, and handed it to me.

"Here. You look so worn out." I took it from her and blew my nose. "You know, he'll be upset if he finds out you've been starving yourself. You'll be upsetting me, too. I cooked that especially for you."

I looked away from her. "Oh, sorry. I was hoping to share it with him when he woke up, but-"

As if on cue, we heard Tim moaning. Isane held his wrist in her hand and checked the clock on the wall above, probably to check his pulse. His eyes opened and he turned toward me. "Jo..."

"Tim!" I jumped out of my chair and almost lost my balance. My legs definitely felt numb from being up for so long. "Hey. You're looking better."

He glanced around the room, and his eyes stopped on our characters. They even widened a bit. "Whoa," he said to himself, and he slowly rose to a sitting position. That's when my eyes fell onto his injured shoulder. It did appear to be healing. The swelling had gone down a lot compared to yesterday, and the green liquid that had been oozing out coagulated with his blood, forming a sort of scab under the bandages, and the rest had dried into a dark smear. His skin wasn't pale anymore, and he didn't seem to be in as much pain. In fact, I saw a smile crack across his face when he looked at me again. When I took a closer look at his face, I noticed something weird, like it didn't belong. It was white and dull, and also appeared to have some strange dimension to it, right under his left eye. Was it...a piece of bone?

My focus on the white spot was broken when I heard a voice through the doorway, and I saw Hanatarou panting. "Third seat Kuzeni Harato, fourth seat Hitori Gekidou of Tenth Company." He bowed to them as they turned in his direction, and he handed them a folded paper. "Captain Hitsugaya has brought orders for a mission. He requests that you meet him in his quarters immediately." At the end of his speech, Hanatarou leaned slightly to the side and caught a glimpse of Tim and I. He gulped nervously, bowed to my characters again, and quickly departed.

I was shocked to hear that Toshiro had sent Hitori and Kuzeni orders. Did he already trust them? "What's it say?" Hitori asked as Kuzeni unfolded the paper and read each line.

"Uh-oh. Hollow outbreak just south of Karakura Town." She refolded the paper and sighed. "That sector has been getting numerous attacks over the past week. Guess they're looking for the best properties in the area." Kuzeni set the paper aside and walked toward the doorway, stopping when she saw Ichigo. "It's pretty close to your sector. You're welcome to join us if you'd like."

He poked his head into the room one more time to see what I thought. "Go ahead," I reassured him. "We'll be fine here. Go protect your town." With a nod, he spun around and joined my characters in their walk down the hallway. I could hear Hitori's voice echoing back to the room, bragging about how Ichigo was about to witness the greatest Hollow extermination duo Soul Society had to offer, and I was absolutely sure that he was the real Hitori.

"Good, they're gone." Unohana's voice caught me off guard and she motioned her chin toward the door. Isane easily got the hint and closed it, locking it tight. Her face had become grim.

"Uhh, what's going on?" The air in the room suddenly became chilly.

My question was completely ignored. Unohana took a last look over whatever papers were stacked on the clipboard before putting her attention on Tim again. "Tim, is it?" she started. "Tell me, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, right now," he replied, stretching out his good arm. "Although I felt like I was in hell all day yesterday."

"And how's your pain? Are you experiencing any discomfort in your arm or shoulder? Anything at all?"

He looked like he needed to think about his answer for that one. "Well... When I woke up last night, a bit, but that's pretty much subsided."

She nodded. "I see..." She wrote something down on the clipboard.

"I don't mean to interrupt," I cut in – as much as I didn't mean to, "but have you figured out what's wrong with Tim? We'd love to know so we can treat it and leave..." My voice trailed off when her face became gloomy. It wasn't the normal Unohana worry. It was more like the worry one would see in a dire situation, like when Momo had been hospitalized following the captains' defection. "Captain," I begged, "Please. Don't sugar coat anything. We need to hear the truth."

She exchanged another telepathic conversation with Isane before continuing. "...Miss Weizu," she started, her words coming out slow, "your friend has suffered a massive infection. Shortly before finding you, he was bitten by a Hollow. His health wouldn't be as much of an issue if it were a normal one, but based on information passed on by Yoruichi Shihoin, this creature was far from what we'd consider normal." I felt my heart begin to race. "Captain Kurotsuchi analyzed a sample of the liquid that seeped into his wound. It was found to be a special kind of saliva, unique to a specific class of Hollows, and it usually corrodes anything it touches. But if its victim somehow survives..." I could tell she didn't want to continue this conversation with us.

"Please," Tim said to her, we have to know. I have to know."

"There's a fifty percent chance that your body will be Hollowified, and when that happens, you'll die."


	32. Hitori is Honest

"Wait...what?" Had we heard her correctly? I could've sworn she'd just said Tim was going to...going to... I'm sure my skin had gone pale. My arms started trembling for sure, because Tim's grip around my hand tightened.

Unohana continued. "I know it's hard for you to hear, but it's the truth. Your body is in a highly delicate state. With the poison in your system, anything can happen. Even the fact that you may become Hollowified is a speculation." She looked down at the floor. "I'm actually amazed you survived this long, young man. At least ninety percent of people who suffer an injury from this type of Hollow die within six hours of being attacked. The fact that you're still alive is nothing short of a miracle." A lump had formed in my throat. My vision blurred, most likely obscured by water seconds away form flowing down my face.

"So I still have a chance." I blinked and turned to Tim, whose face was unreadable. He'd always been good at hiding his emotions, mostly to keep me from worrying. "You said there's only a fifty percent chance that I'll be Hollowified." He adjusted his position on the bed and moved closer to me. "I already told you I feel fine. Maybe that's a sign I'm already starting to win the battle against the poison. As far as I'm concerned, I can still fight off what's left in my system until it's gone." I was surprised to see a smirk come across his face. "Besides, I can't return home covered in bone fragments. Right, Jo?" He turned to me and his smile grew. I put one on to reassure him, though deep down, I didn't think the battle would be that simple.

Unohana nodded. "Alright. If that's what you believe, then hopefully it'll come true." She stood up and handed Isane the clipboard and took one last look at his monitors. "I'm glad to see you're stable for now. Maybe you'll be able to convince Miss Weizu here to eat something before she collapses from malnutrition." She smiled, and I could already feel Tim's eyes digging into my back. Unohana headed for the door, followed behind by Isane, and unlocked. She stopped for a moment, talking to a figure standing before her, then left us alone. I didn't see her do it, but I knew Isane had taken one last glance at us. It was long, and her eyes were sad, almost like she knew something. She disappeared before I had a chance to read them.

Tim's hand slip up my arm, resting at my shoulder. "So you weren't eating, huh?"

I straightened my posture and laughed nervously. "Well... I was waiting for you to wake up so we could share. You know Kuzeni cooks ridiculously big meals. There's no way I could've finished that on my own-"

"Jo." He silenced me with a finger to my lips. It still amazed me that with one swift motion, or even with a single look, this guy had the capacity to make me turn to putty in his hands. It was the side of me that nobody else ever saw, that only he could bring out, simply by existing. "Please eat something. For me. It'd make me feel even better knowing you're taken care of, too." Tim reached his hand to my face and caressed my cheek. With everything going on since our arrival in the Bleach universe, I couldn't remember the last time he'd touched me like that. I moved my chair closer to him and leaned my head toward his. My eyes closed the closer I got...

"Hey, guys!" I snapped out of my dreamy state immediately and fell out of the chair. Turning, I saw Ricky coming into the room, holding a...bouquet of flowers? "I heard you were in labor, Tim, so I thought I'd bring you some flowers and laxatives." He came into the room as I stood up, and this motherfucker goes and steals my chair. He leaned uncomfortably close to Tim, almost like he was getting a whiff of his possible body odor, and his voice reduced to a whisper. "But in all seriousness, Tim, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, Ricky," he replied. "Don't worry about me. I'll be out of here in no time. What about you?"

"Fresher than these daisies. I'm feeling FANTASTIC." He handed the flowers to Tim. "Don't worry 'bout me, I didn't get a scratch." Both of them turned to me as Ricky continued. "How about you, Jo?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm fine, aside from a few scrapes. But I'll be back to drawing in no time." I flashed them a smile. I still couldn't believe I'd finally found them. They were really in front of me, no longer lost in the Bleach universe... Right, it was still my fault they were here. Looking at their smiling faces, though, it was almost like they had no idea how they arrived in this universe. "Uh..." How was I supposed to tell them?

"Something wrong, Jo?" Tim asked me.

No...I couldn't tell them. At least, not yet.

"Nothing, nothing. Just bored." I quickly stopped talking and set the flowers on the side table, reaching for my book bag. I needed to distract myself before I said the wrong thing. The last thing I needed was to be alone again.

* * *

**Ichigo**

Isane's face worried me as I left with the two shinigami Jo had created, but wondering what had been on her mind was shoved far away when we arrived near Karakura Town. Minor Hollows had appeared everywhere, and some were headed deep into the city. Seeing the partners easily clear a path for me was unbelievable; their teamwork was astonishing. I hadn't seen fighting that synchronized since Ikkaku and Yumichika. "Now ring, Kaichō!" The guy – Hitori, Jo had called him – activated his shikai, and a scythe replaced the original form of his zanpakuto. He effortlessly went through the first few Hollows that came our way, and looking over his shoulder, gave me a cocky smile. "What'd I tell ya?" he said, before diving toward another Hollow. Its mouth opened wide, wide enough to swallow him whole. His arms swung back, preparing to slice through it, and even from far away, I could see the scythe's blade vibrating. "Shōgekiha Himei." He was nowhere near the Hollow when he pulled his arms down in a swift motion. It was silent for a moment, then the Hollow was suddenly blown back, and a crack quickly form across its mask.

Watching him for so long distracted me, and I almost didn't see another Hollow try to blindside us. Kuzeni, the woman, quickly took action and rammed her zanpakuto into its mask. "Kansen Sabi," she said, and immediately the Hollow's mask began to turn brown and orange. It screamed for a few seconds before collapsing onto the street and withering away.

"Whoa..." I couldn't help myself. "What are you guys doing to them?"

"Oh, you mean our attacks?" She pointed to her companion, who was busy making another Hollow's mask vibrate until it exploded. "He uses sound and the vibrations it makes to destroy them. As for me, I simply made its mask rust away like oxidized metal. That's my thing, nothing complicated." Kuzeni turned away to rejoin her partner, and I took care of the nearby enemies.

We were finished quicker than I expected, and sat on a roof to rest. Kuzeni had become a little too immersed in the fight, or 'trigger happy', as Hitori called it, and he managed to get her back to normal. But neither of them had broken a sweat during the battle. "I've gotta say, you two surprised me. I didn't think Jo could create shinigami like you guys."

"What, you mean good?" Hitori asked me. "She's not just some kid, Ichigo. Jo's got a huge imagination. She made a Vizard that has the power to control gravity! I mean, who else could think of something like that?"

"She's neurotic," Kuzeni added, "but she's got a good heart. It's just that when it comes to her, there are times when the rate her thoughts flow exceed her capacity to control them. And then things like this happen..." Her eyes trailed up to the moon. "I mean, it's not all that bad to really be here. She's happy to see her ideas come to life. But then she realized the consequences of going too far, and..."

"Now she's lost," Hitori finished. "She's got no idea on where to go from here. That's why she needs you to guide her."

She needs me to guide her? "I'm not sure what you mean."

Hitori's smile vanished. "The fact that her dream collapsed right in front of her has crushed her spirit. And Aizen's got her scared stiff, although it'll take a lot for her to admit. Plus, look what happened to her boyfriend, my counterpart. He's all screwed up and she's blaming herself." He sighed.

Kuzeni cleared her throat, catching my attention. "What Hitori's trying to say, Ichigo, is that you're the only one who can help her from here. As a true part of this universe, you know this place better than any of her creations could ever hope to understand. It's up to you."

Her words sank in deep. One again, it was all falling on my shoulders. Whether it was keeping Aizen at bay, or simply helping a girl and her friends return to whatever alternate universe they originated from, it was up to me. Jo, Ricky, Tim, who was still injured... "Oh, yeah. Do either of you know if there's any way to heal Tim? I... I kind of eavesdropped on Captain Unohana's conversation with him, and she said there wasn't any way they could remove the poison." They both shook their heads, obviously disappointed. "What about Orihime? I'm sure you all know about what she can do and-"

"Won't work. We spoke to her and Captain Unohana before. For some reason, there's a spiritual barrier blocking the poison. Not even kido can remove it."

Just as the conversation was taking a darker turn, a hell butterfly approached Kuzeni. She outstretched her hand and let it land, and we listened to the message it played. "Attention, Third Seat Kuzeni Harato, Fourth Seat Hitori Gekidou of Division 10. Have you completed your mission?"

"Affirmative," she replied. "All Hollows within the vicinity have been eradicated. No more are appearing, and we've acquired no injuries. The town has taken no damage."

"Copy that. You have permission to return to Soul Society. The Senkaimon is ready at anytime." The message stopped and the butterfly vanished.

She lowered her hand and turned to us. "Well, you heard them. We can head back now."

"Are you kidding?" Hitori interrupted. "C'mon, Kuzeni. We cleared those Hollows out WAY too quickly. Why don't we do a little sight-seeing while we're still here?" His arm stretched out and wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer to him. "What do you say, Ichigo? We can grab a few gigais, get some hot food, relax a little. It'll be like a mini vacation."

"Alright, alright," I replied, forcing him off of me. "As long as you promise to never do that again."

"What's the matter? I didn't hurt you, did I?" He pressed his forehead against mind, hard, and gave me the most smug face ever. "You're the main character in this universe. You should be able to handle whatever you're dealt-"

Suddenly, all we could comprehend was pain. Kuzeni had grabbed both our ears and pulled us to a standing position. "I hope you boys don't plan on arguing all night, because then NEITHER of you will be getting a hot meal from me. You got that?" She released us, and I watched Hitori instantly crouch into an apologetic bow. I stared at him for a second before I heard Kuzeni's foot tapping. It only took a quick glance to see how pissed she was. I got the point, and reluctantly joined Hitori on the floor. We looked up at her when we no longer felt the looming presence of an enraged mother, and saw her giving us the sweetest smile. "Good. Now, let's go before we run out of time."


	33. Isane is Worried

**Jo**

Both Ricky and I spent the entire day in Tim's room. We learned that Kuzeni had left us a ton of food, so we took advantage of it and stayed inside. I drew many thing in my magical sketchbook to keep us occupied: board games, playing cards, our decks of Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and even a television and some gaming systems for us to use. Tim had to be careful when using his right arm, so we did everything possible to keep his shoulder stabilized and not aggravate his injury. And somehow, even when he was whooping my ass in a duel, it all worked out. I stopped dueling him after my fourth straight loss, and watched him duel Ricky for a few rounds, and then we brought out the playing cards. We played a game called Mau, which is essentially this deck's version of Uno, but with severely fucked up rules that nobody knows anything about until the last minute. Of course, I was somehow winning hand after hand. "Dammit, Jo!" Ricky yelled, slapping the cards off the table. "How do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"THAT! Winning! This is the fifth straight time!"

My mouth curled into a devious smile. "Well, that's for me to know, and for you to find out by continuously losing!" Then I started laughing, and Tim gave me this weird look, like he no longer knew the person inhabiting his girlfriend's body. But that quickly changed when all three of us broke out into a simultaneous laughter, that was both relaxing and creepy. It was mostly relaxing, though. Relaxing to have a laid back day for the first time since I arrived in the Bleach universe. Relaxing to know most of the characters I've interacted with, if not all of them, generally accepted my friends and I into their universe. Relaxing to no longer be the only person here not of this realm. I had my friends with me; the first step in our path to get home was complete. Now we had to figure out the rest. "So," I started, breaking our laughter, "anyone got any ideas on how we'll be getting home?"

"That's easy," Tim said. "We just have to wake up."

Oh, right. They didn't know. "Guys...this isn't a dream. We're really stuck in the Bleach universe. Like, FOR REAL." It didn't click with them. "Tim, your shoulder hurts, right?"

He shrugged with his good shoulder. "Well, yeah, but that could've been caused by anything in the real world. Maybe Zhen scratched me in my sleep or something." That seemed like a plausible cause for his pain, but his I knew his cat couldn't have been the source of his previous agony.

"I'm with Tim on this one," Ricky joined in. "I know, you both say I have amazing skill, but seriously! There was a Hollow, and I..." His face suddenly turned serious. "Jo...I blew him up...with my hands!" He gestured toward me and make mock explosion noises. "Only a dream can explain that. How else would we have suddenly gotten here?"

My mouth opened to answer, but then I remembered my previous decision to not reveal anything yet. All I could do was sigh and pull my knees up to my chest. "If this were a dream," I replied, "then why is it turning out like this?" Half of my brain was screaming to reveal the truth to them, and I could feel the weight of Tite Kubo's words weighing down on my shoulders. I could hear his speech rattling in my ears. Get your friends and characters, he'd said, and get the hell out of the Bleach universe. It was hard to tell if it was a threat or a warning. And what was that business he'd told me about being unable to control Aizen? How the hell could one lose control over a character they-

I quickly stopped myself. I sure was one to talk.

A knock on the door caught our attention. The door swung open and Isane walked in, clipboard in hand. "Afternoon," she said to us, and we offered her a similar greeting. "Time to change your dressings, Tim, which means everyone else has to leave." Our faces dropped. I knew why she'd asked us to leave. She didn't want us to see first hand what his injury looked like. And I couldn't blame her. I remembered the time I was carving a sword out of cardboard for a convention, and accidentally sliced a nice-sized hole into my hand. Of course, it was nothing like what I assumed Tim's injury looked.

"No, it's fine," he told her. "I want them to stay." Her brow furrowed as she stared at us. It was a long stare, but she finally nodded and took up the chair next to him. Isane laid her supplies on the nearby table as she unfastened Tim's hospital gown. It took me until then to realize I hadn't really had a good look at Tim since finding him. As the gown was slid off of him, I could feel my cheeks heating up. If I found him attractive before – which I knew I did, I definitely thought Tim was a gorgeous creature now. It was still his body, but the definition of every muscle from his chest to right above the hem of his pants was, for lack of better words, unbelievable. His abs had always been well sculpted, but the sight before me at that moment made me wish I still had my dirty clothes so I could use his body as a washboard, just so I had an excuse to feel him up. At that moment, it was like I'd walked into my local art history museum and immediately saw the most accurately detailed full-bodied Greek sculpture...you know, with everything except the castration. Seriously, Tim's body was beautiful, and I could sense Ricky's mouth curling upward at my reaction. I nudged his gut with my arm and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself before I lost all control and pounced on my boyfriend.

Then my eyes trailed up to his right shoulder, noticing how broad it was, and I suddenly felt sick. Starting at his collar bone, I followed the increasingly marred flesh covering his back muscles. It was the first time I'd seen it up close, and I quickly understood why Isane hadn't wanted me there. The laceration was long, its widest point right above his shoulder blade, and it looked like he'd been literally split in half. It was deep, too. Little speckles of light glistened all around and inside of the wound. "Looking good so far," I heard Isane say. "Much better than yesterday." She reached over to the table and picked up a bottle of what I assumed was alcohol, and untwisted the cap. "This is going to burn a bit," she warned him, and began to pour the strong-scented liquid onto his back. He clenched his jaw and gripped the bedsheets, trying his best to hold back a scream. Isane then put on a pair of rubber gloves and grabbed a long pair of tweezers. Slowly, she dug the tweezers in between his damaged flaps of flesh and, one by one, pulled out shards of glass varying in size. Tim winced after each one, holding his breath every time he felt the crystals ripping at his insides. It was too much for me. I felt my legs buckle, and before I knew it Ricky was helping me into another chair. He fanned me with his hands, and for some unknown reason, I still watched Isane take the last glass shard out of Tim's back. "That's the last of them," she said, and started to wrap a new roll of bandage around his body. Ricky handed me a glass of water, which I drank right away, and Tim was finished. "You're healing exceptionally well," Isane told him. "Captain Unohana will be pleased to know. You may even be well enough to go to tomorrow's meeting."

"Tomorrow's what?" I asked, regaining any blood flow I'd lost to my head. Her words had caught us all of guard.

"Well, tomorrow, all the captains want to meet you in the Squad 1 barracks. They're curious to know who the three of you are, especially you." She pointed to me. "Word has spread quickly of the short, curly-haired girl with infinite knowledge on us and our world. The only way outsiders find out is either through death or association with a substitute shinigami, and you don't fit into either category. None of you really do."

"What about Ichigo? We know him."

"Yes, but he's already told us everything. We're well informed on how you're supposedly from another universe. The captains just want to make sure you're not a threat to us or anyone else." A small smile appeared on her face, to my surprise. "Although with all the shenanigans I've been hearing about, you're probably more of a danger to yourself than anyone else." Her smile quickly vanished as she gathered her tools. "Hanatarou should be here later tonight to check on all your vitals. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," we mused in unison. As she closed the door behind her, I saw it again. Isane's gaze was worried and sad, and I still couldn't figure out why.

Ricky took the available chair next to Tim's bed as he refastened his hospital gown. A grin crept onto his face. "Yay, we're meeting the captains!"

"Uhh, yeah... Whoopdee do." My first encounter with the captains was anything but a pleasant memory. "I think I've had enough of the captains for one lifetime." First Mayuri tried to strap me down and inject who the hell knew what into my veins, then I fell onto Byakuya and pissed him off so much he hand-delivered me to the head honcho by using his bouncers. Next, Toshiro tried to mess with me, then Soi-Fon, and then Grandpa tried to take my book away. "We don't really get along. Especially me and Soi-Fon. She probably thinks I'm Aizen's pathetic excuse for a sister or something."

"So Science Man tried to stab you with needles, and the cutest guy around held you. Not to mention Santa Claus. What's not to like?" Oh, if only Ricky knew.

Tim's voice caught my attention. "You know the captains? Like, KNOW them know them? That means you got here before we did, right? Since you say this isn't some kind of weird extended dream, how'd we all get here?"

I bit my bottom lip as I tried to come up with a legitimate lie, one they'd believe and not question. "I don't have the slightest idea," I replied, twirling my hair between my fingers. "One minute, I was sitting in my room watching television. Then it looked like a Hollow crawled out of my TV, and it sucked me into some kind of vortex..." I sighed. "Sorry, but that's the best explanation I can give you guys." I absent-mindedly reached for my sketchbook. I flipped it to the next clean page and doodled until a vase had been drawn onto the page. The paper glowed for a brief second, then the drawing vanished as a glass vase formed out of thin air on the table. Water filled it halfway, appearing just as unexpectedly as the vase had. I placed the bouquet into the vase and spaced out the flowers.

"Huh. Nice vase," Ricky commented as he leaned back in his seat and reached for one of the video game controllers. But Tim's face wasn't relaxed. He actually looked a bit...weirded out.

"Wait, what? You can do that now? What's that paper made out of?" I honestly thought he'd be flipping out of his mind just from seeing that. Maybe his demeanor was just calmer than that of Renji or Toshiro.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Dunno. I always thought it was just plain ol' paper. Never really thought anything else about it. Why, don't you have any weird powers like Ricky and I?"

"Unless you'd count my hideously bad luck as a 'weird power', I don't think I do." I remembered Ikkaku saying how he wanted to be the one to find Tim so he could teach him the Lucky Dance and possibly bring him some good fortune, and part of me wondered if it would actually work. He looked up at Ricky. "So what are your powers?"

Ricky waved his hand at Tim. "Oh, you know, the usual stuff. You name it, I gesture, it happens." He did some kind of fake sniveling. "And now that you mention it, I really miss Steve. Why did he have to blow up when I waved at him? He was so young!"

We pretty much pretended we hadn't heard that. "Anyway," I started to change to subject, "why don't I draw us all some clothes. I'm sure none of us want to wear shingami uniforms when we get back home...although I don't really mind. This hakama is so comfortable!" I grabbed my pencil again. "So what would you like, Ricky?"

He tapped his chin and was lost in thought for a short moment. "Hmm... Give me a white overcoat. But put a brick pattern on it. "I started drawing the clothes as he described them. "Put a prism on the back of it with a rainbow coming out of the side." I knew where he was going with the prism. "Ooh, and black pants with a pair of ninja tabi." I abruptly stopped and raised an eyebrow at him. "Jo, don't question me. Just trust me." Well, he did have a shirt that said it, too. So without any objection I drew his outfit. A light beam popped off the page and thinned to the thickness of a thread, stitching each piece of his clothing row by row until the outfit fell into his waiting grasp. "Cool! Can you draw me a penguin next?"

I hit my palm to my face. "I don't see the point, but okay. But that's for later." I pointed a finger to him, then got started on my own new outfit. "Let's see...what shall my new clothes look like?" The possibilities were endless; that was both a golden opportunity, and a huge problem. I could literally draw any kind of outfit for myself, and at the same time, I had no idea where to begin. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to concentrate. Then it hit me, quicker than I expected. My new outfit would be much different from the one I wore during my arrival to the Bleach universe. I decided to keep the hakama since it was so damn comfortable, and I made it a dark blue so I wouldn't look too much like the shinigami. My shirt was pretty simple: a black fitted bandeau underneath a much looser white gi top, with baggy sleeves that rolled up to my shoulders and a netted back. When it came to the shoes, I settled on a pair of kung-fu flats, which were also very comfortable. I left my necklace as-is and braided my hair back, making sure my flower clip was secure. Unlike with Ricky, I made the clothes appear neatly folded on top of the table. I needed a shower before I put something fresh on.

I looked up from my sketchbook to Tim. "I would ask what you want to wear, but..." I lost my train of thought for a moment when I remembered seeing his glorious body, which was now hidden under his hospital gown. "But I want to wait until your shoulder heals more so the clothes don't snag onto your wound. Besides, I need to get a more accurate measurement of your...everything. It looks like you grew a few inches," I finished with a wink in his direction. We both heard Ricky snicker at my comment, and were soon consumed by his addictive laughter. Oh, how I missed these perverts.

We spent the remainder of the day relaxing by playing video games. The guys refused to play Mau again for fear of another winning streak gracing me with its presence. I drew whatever game we wanted to play in my magic book and made it real. The odds were more fair with the variety of games we played on our somehow universal gaming system, ranging from fighting games to MMOs and even a few puzzle games. By the time we realized how late it was, the three of us were deep in the middle of a level of the latest Mario game. I chose the role of Toad, and of course, I was failing miserably. "Crap!" I yelled, throwing the controller down yet again. "I don't get it! Why do I keep dying?"

"I TOLD you not to choose Toad," Ricky scolded me. "He's the slowest guy in the game! Why do you think nobody picks him?"

"Oh, shut up!" I yelled at him, only to accidentally make my character jump off the edge of the course and into oblivion. "Fuuuuuck!" Ricky took the controller away from me before I could throw it into the television. "That's it. I quit! I wanna play Tekken now!"

"Okay, if you want your ass beat that bad," Tim commented with a cocky grin.

I raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me? Me get MY ass beat?" I scoffed. "May I remind you who lost eight consecutive times the last time we played?"

"Yeah, after I whooped you ELEVEN matches straight. Which, as I recalled from first grade math, is more than eight."

"Oh, shut up!" I yelled again. "Why don't we settle this right now? Best out of three, and we can only choose random characters." I gave him the Korra bull horns as I drew the game disc and case in my sketchbook. The paper glowed and the game came out in a slow spin. As I stood to switch out the discs, the door opened. We turned and saw Hanatarou coming in.

"Uh, good evening," he started with a weak wave. "I'm, uh, here to check all your vitals. It won't take more than a few minutes." We only stared at him in silence, which seemed to make him more nervous. He gulped and rolled in a cart of equipment, and looked down at his clipboard. "Okay, first on the list is... Tim?" Tim, in response, raised his left hand. Hanatarou nodded and pushed the cart in more, going around to the other side of the bed. I set up our game, pressing a button on the universal gaming system to change its format and transform the controller so we could play the game correctly. While I waited for Tim's check-up to finished I played a few matches against Ricky. He somehow got his main character and beat whatever the computer chose for me with a significantly larger amount of health left in his bar. I groaned and he snickered, and we played one more match before Tim was finished. "Alright," Hanatarou said as he stood. "Next is...Jo?"

I raised my hand. "That's me," I replied, and handed Tim the controller. "Practice while you can." He gave me a bi of the competitor's evil eye as I sat on the window sill so Hanatarou could check my vitals. It wasn't much; he checked things like my heart rate, neurological responses, balance, and the stitches on my neck. I was glad to hear they were ready to come out, and more so when he managed to remove them without causing me any pain. As he finished by checking my blood pressure, I thought about what I knew of him. I knew he was in Squad 4, and I knew he was a lower seat than Isane, although I couldn't remember the exact number at the moment. But I did know that with the skills he already had, he'd make a great lieutenant, and eventually if he had the courage to do it, captain of the medical division. He still had a long way to go, though.

He unwrapped the blood pressure thing – I have no idea what the hell it's called – from my arm and folded it. "You're good to go. And now for the last one." I walked over to Ricky and he passed me his controller as Hanatarou came up to him. His check-up was the shortest, of course, so Tim and I only got to play three matches...and he beat me in all three. He shot me a grin, and all I could do was give him the evil eye.

"You got lucky this time." And then I let out a long yawn. Suddenly, I felt mentally drained. Today somehow felt a little longer than yesterday's events. Maybe it was because of all the information we'd taken in today, and the fact that it was the first full day all three of us had spent together since reuniting. It almost felt normal. I yawned again and stretched my arms over my head. "Oof, I feel stiff. Don't say anything, Ricky," I cut him off before he could reply. Standing up, I twisted my back until I heard my spine pop.

"Shit," Tim said with a whistle. "You sound sore. I'd offer you a massage, but-"

I held my hand up. "No, it's alright. I understand." Rolling my head slowly, I continued talking. "I'll just take a shower to loosen up. I need to get this blood stench off of me, anyway." Taking a breath, I could easily smell blood and sweat. I reeked. "Afterwards, I'm heading to bed. I can't sleep another night in that lumpy chair." I headed toward the door, grabbing my clothes and belongings as I passed the desk.

"Don't have too much fun," Ricky said to me. "And goodnight." I rolled my eyes and walked out. "I'll meet you for breakfast in the morning." Before heading to the showers, I made a short trip to my room to drop off my stuff. Surprisingly, I saw my outfit from yesterday neatly folded on my unoccupied bed. I'd expected them to throw them away with all the rips in the clothes. Shrugging my shoulders, I laid my sketchbook on the desk and took my new clothes back out to the hallway. I remembered Isane saying something to me about the location of the showers, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly where they were. I decided to test my luck and turned left. The smell of soap caught my attention, and I followed it around a corner on the right, and found the showers. Nobody else was in the bathroom, so I locked the door. I laid my clothes on the edge of the sink and turned on the water. The shinigami clothes were pushed off my body, and I let my hair down as I entered the shower.

The water temperature was perfect. I let the stream run over my face and down my body in silence for what felt like forever. It felt amazing, and the tension in my back already loosened. I grabbed the bar of soap lying on the shelf and began to run it across my skin. The scent was cucumber, sweet and subtle, the opposite of the overbearing lavender I normally loved. It got rid of the stench of sweat and blood and dirt, which was visible as it mixed with the suds and disappeared down the drain. Once my body was clean, I began to tackle my hair. The shampoo smelled nice, too, as did the conditioner. I rinsed out my hair and combed my fingers through it, which proved to be much easier than normal. I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around my hair, then dried off my body. Most of the water from my hair was absorbed by the towel and I let it out as I got dressed. These clothes were definitely more comfortable than my previous ones.

I unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. Aside from a few dim light, the halls were dark, and quiet. It seemed everyone retired for the night. I quietly walked down the first hall and turned at the corner. I reached my room, and when I touched the door knob, I heard moaning. It was a pained moan, one that I knew followed a long day of training. I thought nothing of it and opened my door, but then it grew louder. It was starting to bother me, so I felt an investigation was in order. "Hello?" I whispered down the hall, calling to the moaning voice. It groaned again. "Hello?" I raised my own voice. Whether a groan or a whimper, I got no words in response. "Are you in pain?" I asked. "Is something wrong?" When I got no response, I got scared. The sound came again and I immediately followed it down the hall.

The closer I got to Tim's room, the louder and more violent the pained noises became. They were near deafening when I reached his door. "Tim, are you okay?" I asked him. I was starting to get worried. He didn't reply. My arm shook a little as I reached for the door knob and turned it. Slowly, I opened the door, and saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring down at the floor. He was slouched, facing the window. The moonlight provided a backlight for his skin, showing more definition in his neck and torso. I breathed a sigh of relief. "Can't sleep, huh?" I asked him. "Well, I know that's normal for you. You were always more of a night owl anyw-" My talking stopped when I noticed the bandages were streaming off of the bed, no longer wrapped around his body. The area where just hours before, he had a gruesome laceration, was flawless. Not even a scar marked his back. "Tim..." I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "Oh my god, Tim! You're healed! This is amazing!" I ran closer to him, elated that he was finally okay. As my foot touched the floor, I heard the groan again, and stopped. Too fast for my eyes, his hand was around my wrist, getting tighter by the second. "Hey...hey, let go. You're hurting me." He didn't move at all. "Tim, what are you doing?" Still nothing. "Dammit, I said get off!" I curled the fingers on my free hand in a threw a punch in his direction, only to be thrown into the adjacent wall. It took me a second to get myself back up, and as I stood, I heard a deep, demonic growl.

He stood up and turned around. I choked when I saw his face. The sclera of his eyes had gone black, his irises were a wild yellow, and the skin on his face was half torn off, revealing a weird, bony shape around his left eye. Tim staggered as he took a step forward, holding his head in his hands. His breath was uneven, and he growled again. It grew in volume and he roared like an animal, causing the screens of all the monitors near the bed to shatter. It even shook the room. An alarm went off. I was only able to move half a step before he lunged at me. I went from one side of the room to the other before I could register it, ending up in between two halves of the former desk. It was more difficult to recover the second time. Again, he marched toward me, growling in rage and agony as he reached for his face and tore off more skin. "Tim...Tim..." was all I could utter at that point. I wanted to ask him what was happening to him, why he was acting this way, or if he could even understand my words. But his stare had me frozen in fear, both in body and mind.

Thunder banged outside. The door was thrown open at the same time and Hanatarou stood in the doorway, just as horrified as me. "Wh...what..." He couldn't form words, either. He, too, became a statue before Tim, who set his attention on the medic. After a long, hard stare, Hanatarou finally said one word, the one I couldn't believe. And Tim chose him as the next attack target. He opened his mouth, and we saw dark purple energy gather into a sphere. I cursed in my mind. The energy shot out toward Hanatarou.

"DUCK!" Somehow, I found the strength to push myself off the floor. I made it between them, narrowly avoiding the cero that blasted a hole in the wall. Hanatarou had evaded it just in time.

From then on, time moved in frames. My gaze moved from the shinigami to Tim, seeing his hand coming at me from below. I couldn't avoid his attack. His hand had become a jagged set of claws.

His hand moved from my right thigh up, curving across my stomach and rising across my chest and shoulder. Red liquid became weightless as it appeared before me. My body descended to the floor; the impact felt less like a thud and more like a soft pillow, like a cloud. Everything went numb. I stared upward, the only direction I could look in. He was looking down at me. Then he turned away. The screaming alarm was quieting down, and I could only hear my heart beating. It was soothing. I turned my head and saw shadows moving across my vision. Several faces came into focus. Why did they appear so worried? Their mouths moved, but I didn't hear what they said. The heartbeat was all I heard, and it was slowing down. Everything was getting foggy, darker and darker by the second. And suddenly, I felt sleepy.


End file.
